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DP complaining about mess when most of it is his

14 replies

DogDays · 27/08/2010 13:45

The other night DP had a massive go at me about the state of the house. He said it was full of crap, a complete tip and it was like living in a "gypsy camp". He regularly has a go at me about the state of the house saying that as he works full time and I don't, I should be able to keep the house clean and tidy. Fair enough but it pisses me off that most of the mess is his! For instance he comes in from work, takes his clothes off and leaves them in the living room. Right now his trainers are beside the tv, a pair of his dirty socks have been left next to the fire, a half empty can of redbull is on the fireplace along side a can of his deodrant - ALL HIS STUFF so how can he complain that the house is a tip? yes I agree to do the majority of the cleaning but I do begrudge running around after someone that is just chucking stuff everywhere and then complaining about the mess.

Every night, after the kitchen has been cleaned he makes himself supper and leaves all the dirty pots there (and sometimes microwave cartons) for me to tidy the next morning. He gets a shave and leaves little hairs all over the bathroom - just because he works full time should I really be expected to clean up after him like this?

OP posts:
compo · 27/08/2010 13:46

No you shouldn't
sounds like he has no respect for you Sad

Sparkletastic · 27/08/2010 13:49

No.

It might be reasonable for you to do majority of cleaning but tidying up after a grown man is quite another matter. Get one of those big plastic bucket bags and shove all his stuff in it. Do not wash any of his clothes unless he puts them in the wash basket / washing machine. Tell him calmly that this is how you intend to keep the house in a reasonable state. Grin

DogDays · 27/08/2010 13:52

Another favourite of his is:

"I never have any clean underwear, its ridiculous!" - well no, because they're always chucked all over the bedroom floor as opposed to the wash basket!!

Now I just tell him "that's strange, I washed everything that was in the wash basket, you sure they were in there? ... " that tends to shut him up.

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 27/08/2010 13:54

Are you living with my DH's secret twin? If there is one thing I really don't like it's people who notice mess, contribute to the mess, complain about the mess and yet do nothing to help clean the mess.

Dh's things are just left where they land now. Right down to clean work shirts and important documents. If they are on the dining table I will serve dinner on top of them. If they fall off of whatever he has balanced them on, I will just walk over them. He is getting the hang of it slowly. But he keeps telling me how childish I am.

I also don't wash things unless they are out in the washing basket and yet every dress down day at work we have the same argument...

him "I have no clean clothes. Why have I got no clean clothes again"
me "Well have you washed any?"
him "You do the washing"
me "Yes. I wash clothes that are in the wash basket, but none of yours were"

tweakers · 27/08/2010 13:56

my DH occasionally complains about untidiness despite it being his things that are out of place. He just sees 'mess' he doesn't see 'tweaker's mess', 'DH mess' etc

every now and again i just sweep all the things that are not put away into a bag and leave it somewhere for him to sort. it rarely gets sorted so bag turns into box etc until eventually something important is in there and he has to sort it!

re the kitchen, could you clean the kitchen after he's done his dinner? do you eat earlier without him? if yes, perhaps you could do a plate for him to reheat. At least that way, there'd only be one plate to do in the morning

re the bathroom, leave a sponge on the basin and ask him to just have a quick wipe down after

tweakers · 27/08/2010 14:00

lol, i have similar conversations re no clean pants! except for us its the other way round. he always puts dirty things where they're meant to be but never ever puts clean stuff away. A couple of weeks ago he had a rant about no clean pants, i asked him was he absolutely sure and had he checked his clean washing. Apparently he had. so i popped upstairs and came down wearing all 20 pairs of the clean pants i'd found. we haven't had the same conversation since!

sanielle · 27/08/2010 14:00

My dh complains.. but that's cause he is super tidy and cleans up and I am a slovenly pig who works part time. I'd say mine just about has an excuse. Yours wants a bit of a slap.

DuelingFanjo · 27/08/2010 14:02

Get a big plastic box, put everything he leaves lying about in it. job done.

Brangelina · 27/08/2010 14:16

OMG I have the same problem, only difference is that I work FT so he has less of an excuse, if there ever is an excuse. My DP is exactly the same - smelly greasy fishy plates left lying around, various wrappers and items of discarded clothing littering the living room, as well as the the wash basket thing - yet apparently it's me who's the "gypsy".

Ironically he has improved a little since we got a cleaning lady, he now feels too embarrassed leaving stuff around for her to find and miraculously the "steaming pile" (mountain of dirty underwear next to his side of the bed) gets put in the wash basket the days she's due in.

parkj83 · 27/08/2010 14:17

pmsl tweakers! I would like to try this with DS the next time he can't find his pjs/t-shirt/jeans, but I really don't think they'll fit...!

I normally am the one who is messy, and DH is the freakily tidy one, but being 36 weeks pg means the tables are turned at the moment.

My biggest bug-bear is the kitchen. I hate seeing it messy, but I can't help but use pretty much every pot going when I do cook. Especially if I cook 'properly' i.e. meat, 2 veg, tatties etc

parkj83 · 27/08/2010 14:29

Actually, thinking about it, our main bone of contention is our cars, or more precisely my car - DH drives my dad's car, and because my Dad nicks it back again at short notice, DH keeps it pristine, and doesn't allow any food to be consumed in it.

But my car is a completely different story. Dogs go in it, kids go in it, and I have a terrible habit of collecting water bottles and pamphlets from aldi and lidl, and not putting them in the bin regularly. I have CDs everywhere, kiddies books for DS and choir music coming out of seat pockets, and dog toys and bowls in the boot, it's a typical family car as far as I'm concerned!

DH whinges about this, and fair play, I can see why! But then, whenever he does drive my car, he munches chocolate bars like they're going out of fashion, and stuffs the wrappers in every orifice he can find, including down the back of the driver's seat...! Hmm

Add to that he fiddles with all my trinkets too - I have a little horse wind-chime that he hates, and always takes it down, stuffs it in a door pocket all tangled up, and then it takes me ages to untangle it and hang it back up again. He also gets annoyed at my cuddly teddy on the back seat, and dumps it on the floor. Then he wonders why I get pee'd off at that!

Harryan · 27/08/2010 14:35

One word my dear.....BINLINER!!!
Grin

My DH has been the same in the past. He used to be absolutly awful for it.
Until I got a binbag one day walked around the house and collected everything he had left lying around. Popped it in the bag and into the bin!
He was soon asking me where 'so-and-so' was....

He still slips with his comments and untidiness occasionally, but I only need to threaten him with it now Grin

Ephiny · 27/08/2010 14:41

If he doesn't like the mess, he shouldn't make it! I think it's fair enough that the partner working fewer hours in paid work does more of the domestic chores (assuming you're pooling the money you both earn), but there's no excuse for a grown man not being able to put his rubbish in the bin or his dirty clothes in the laundry.

Don't let him treat you like this, it's not OK.

SocialButterfly · 27/08/2010 14:44

OMG it appears my DH is living a double life and is also married to you Shock

I feel your pain, I have exactly the same problem.

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