to ask my husband to pick up after himself?

[devonsmummy]

Grrrrrrrrrr
got up this morning, after going to bed before hubby, to a total shite hole!

3 cereal bar wrappers & tissue on sofa, empty glass in living room....his last nights dinner plate left on breakfast bar with left over food on....empty coke bottle, empty vodka bottle, 2 empty beer bottles and 4 choclate bar wrappers on kitchen worktop....yesterdays work clothes in front of washing machine.....last nights pyjamas on floor in front of fridge.......yesterdays dirty socks in front of door (toothpaste and brush on sink but thats usual!)

when i said Are you leaving all that there as he was about to head out of the door I got this reply 'DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY HOME AND DO ALL THE BLOODY HOUSEWORK AS WELL!!?'

F@&*ing cheek!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG, what a slob.
I'd put them all in his bed.
Has he always been like this?

haha
he sleeps in another room and when im totally p'd off i do put all the dirty clothes on the bed but he just throws them on the floor.

he hasnt always been as bad - since I stopped work to have the kids it's been noticabley worse.

it just ends up him saying well if you wanna do my job all day and I cant think of a witty enough reply quickly enough

You don't need a witty reply. You need a serious talk about roles and respect. It's one thing doing the lion's share of the housework because you're at home. It's another to tret your partner with so little respect that you leave a trail of rubbish in your wake.

Why does he sleep in a different room?

ha ha. sounds like me !! i do this. but then i clear it up before anyone sees. i don't see the harm.
but with your dh it is a bit different. agree you don't need a witty response. you need a serious talk. but really even that will be fruitless, we all know that, right ?

he sleeps in a different room cos he snores and i cant sleep.

dont think it will get me any where if I try and talk to him about it - he'll just say ' I work all day'
i've tried the 'your kids learn by example' route and the 'you'd do your nut if your teenage son left the mess you do' to no avail.

so yes i know it'll be fruitless or end in a row......what a lovely bank holiday weekend it;s gonna be

sounds a bit like me TBH. I'm quite lazy and untidy at times but i wouln't expect anyone else to pick up after me and i always sort it out myself! Talk to him and tell him you are not his maid and you will not be picking up after him! I'd consider housework to be vacuuming/dusting etc, not picking up after someone old enough to know better. If talking fails you could always leave any dirty plates etc on his bed and refuse to do any washing that is not in its proper place (I'd probably bin anything i found on the floor after 1 warning as well but thats just me).

Most of us 'work all day' in one way or another, many of us in full-time paid work outside the home (which I guess is what he means) - but still manage to do a minimum of picking up after ourselves.

Every capable adult (and old-enough children) should be doing that sort of thing for themselves (i.e. not leaving dirty clothes on the floor, or remnants of a meal strewn around the living areas). That's not 'housework', that's basic personal hygeine and tidiness, to me it's like him saying he's not going to wash himself or brush his own teeth any more, because he thinks all that stuff is your job now!

I agree he needs to have some respect for you and your family and home. No witty reply, sorry, but his behaviour is really disgusting and disrespectful.

OMG mine is exactly the same as yours devonsmummy!

One day I swear I am going to smother him in his sleep.

also...just HOW fucking hard is it to put a towel back neatly? Or even put your stinking filthy crusty socks in the fucking washing fucking basfuckingket.

If I go to visit my parents leaving my husband in charge for a couple of nights he gets to tell the boys to put away their stuff. It's a very easy way of letting him be me for a little while. Magic!

if you sort him out, let me know how you did it!

I think you need to stack any plates on top of his magazine pile or somewhere else he might notice it. For the rest, you take a big bin bag and throw everything in there and put it in his bedroom.

Next day the same etc. When he notices he has no clean clothes, say you washed everything that was in the washing basket. If he asks you where his diving glasses, his whatever is, you say, "Oh anything that was lying about I put in the bag there for you to sort out. I didn't want to just throw anything away you might still want.

Accompany that with a sickening type smile...

He may tire of rummagin in bin bags for a pair of (dirty) pants if you're lucky

mind you my own experience with following my own advice with the bin bag went like this:

I scooped everything into a bin bag and left it in front of the front door (inside). He had to literally step over it to come into the house. So I was at home, he came back, stepped over the bin bag, not even really noticing it, and said, "Hi, I'm back, how was your day?"

Me: "Did you see something in front of the door when you came in?"

Him: "Yeah, there was a big bin bag lying on the floor."

And then he went off totally unconcerned about what the bin bag was doing in front of the door and what might be in it to go and have a shower and scatter some more things about. I hope you have more luck

He had three cereal bars, four chocolate bars and dinner as well?
Bet he's a lanky beanpole

here's a (non witty) response for you.

"My job is looking after the children while you are at work. If you're lucky I might get time to do a bit of cleaning and tidying. My job is NOT being some sort of skivvy who cleans up all mess you choose to create."

Wow.
Dirty clothes thrown on the floor for you to pick up, plates of food left for you to clean up ? Thats fucking awful.

Its nothing to do with whos doing what job , your working inside the home , not being his personal skivvy.

I couldnt put up with this , because its not really about the mess is it, its about how he veiws you and your role within the family.
If you stayed in a hotel would he throw clothes on the floor and leave dirty plates around expecting the maid to clear up after him ?
I bet not.

stealthpony is the towel/sock thing bothering you at all? If so, you should really let your feelings out here and stop hiding them! :o

I'm doing a boxer short experiment on my dp. Two pairs on the hall floor and one on the livingroom floor. Usually I would pick them up but this time I'm going to see how long they lie there for!

What's his working week? Hours wise?

Log those same hours. Do what can be done in those hours and those hours only. Keep a bloody TIMESHEET! Do nothing over those hours.

If he wants to start with this "I go to work and earn the money so you should do everything else" shit, then he needs to be taught a lesson.

I could never abide someone with so little respect for me.