to not get 'involved' in my sisters wedding

[Ilythia]

Ugh, shall try and defend that horrible thread title
I love my sister dearly, she is getting married soon, my other siblings have 'parts' in the wedding, best 'woman' and giving her away etc. I have no such part and am not really bothered as there isn't a job for me to do, DH or I will be an usher depending on who the dd's are clinging to on the day.
She has asked that I make her something not comlpetely necessary, but would be nice to have, a small bridal bag, so easily bought, and has offered money for fabric etc.

I am about to start a PGCE and have just put my sewing machine in the back of the wardrobe and got all my study stuf out, in the week before term starts I have a funeral to go to 150miles from home and DD1 starting reception, as well as DD2 starting ft nursery for the first time. I WAS a SAHM a few months ago when I asked if I could make her anything and she said no.
I do not have time and do not want to make time and rush it and feck it up so have said no, I cant, and explained as above. She is hurt I think.

AIBU?

Sorry for disjointed sentences, am very tired and typing in the dark on a new netbook with fat fingers

YABU, I'm afraid. I know you have loads on your plate, but it is her wedding and she wants you to be involved. It sounds like a royal PITA, but I think you should get the sewing machine out of the wardrobe and do a few late nights to get it done.

No, YANBU. I think she probably asked because she realised that everyone else had parts in the wedding and didn't want you to feel excluded.
That said, she doesn't need you to do anything important and I think it is okay to say that you are really busy and don't have the time. Explain what you have going on as brides are very caught up in their weddings and often don't consider that it is not the be all and end all for everyone else.

I would offer to buy her a really nice bag.

Hmm, how long would it take? I'm no sewer (not sure that came out right!) Ahem - I'm no seamstress but I managed two cushion covers in one evening. Couldn't you drag out the sewing machine & get it done in a couple of hours? You could've done it tonight. I understand that you feel you CBA, but it's something nice to do for someone else. It would mean a lot to her.

But by the time the OP has spent time finding the right bag she could've made one, if she's provided with the material.

get one from Accessorize and pass it off as your own

or monsoon

YANBU, but neither is your sister. Her world will revolve around wedding planning at the moment, and she probably wants you to be involved in some way. She might also be worried that you would be upset not to be involved somehow.

If there is any possible way you can make the bag, then it would be nice for you to try, I'm sure it would mean alot to her. If not, try and think of something else that you could offer to do, either during the planning or on the day just so she knows that you know this is an important time for her.

' karmabeliever Thu 26-Aug-10 22:37:06

No, YANBU. I think she probably asked because she realised that everyone else had parts in the wedding and didn't want you to feel excluded. '

She did actually say ths when she asked me. 'As the others have things to do I want you to have a job as well and so...'

I can't afford the material or a bag, so am not offering to buy one. By the time I have the fabric, which is a few hours to get to the shop, choose etc, it's probably a day all in. I'm not that fast a sewer!
Funny thing is, she's miles better than me and is making her own dress!
I did offer to make her a bag or whatever at the beginning of the summer and she said no, she was okay.

I can't do it now as I am not home for awhile, and then have 2 days with dd's starting school etc before going away for funeral for 3-4 days, and then straight into pgce, so genuinely dont have time!

If I had next weekend I woudl do it, but i dont have it free.
Ugh. feellike crap though!

YANBU - you have clearly stated that you do not have the time, are in the process of gearing up into study mode, enough said. Do not feel guilty, neither do you need to compensate by buying a useless expensive gift. Give her a bit of your time and have a big hug.

You don't have to do it, but I think it would be a lovely gesture if you did. Something handmade is treasured in the way a gift from a shop, no matter how lovely, will never be. You can order material from the internet, lots of places guarantee next day delivery if you order before lunch time (I buy quilting fabric this way, quite often), rather than trawling round shops. You can even find beautiful free patterns for bags, and ideas for embroidery, beads etc. I do understand about the time - but isn't the question here really about your sister's wedding and how she wants you to play a part in it? You are so lucky to have a sister The other option is not to make a bag which can be tricky with handles and so on, but make something else. How about a ring cushion? If you have a small amount of lovely silk, all you are basically doing is stitching two squares of fabric together and stuffing. Just trim with some pretty ribbons and stick on some bead/sequins and you're done. DCs could even help you.

Ah scuttle, thats is the thing, she doesn't want a ring cushion, she wants a bag, and a bridal bag, with fabric to be chosen by me and my mum, which wil take more time, and...bags take me ages!

YANBU I am doing a flexible PGCE she is very very lucky you will even be there. Do start telling everyone that you will really not have any time for the next year. It is one of the hardest of your life (some say NQT is harder).

Promise to make something for her home in time for Christmas? Clearly your mind is else where, putting away the sewing machine for now is significant and symbolic imo, don't tear yourself in two, you will not do yourself or anyone else justice, be single minded if you need to study. Your sister will come to understand this and should be pleased for you.