Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about 15yo riding in a car with a 17yo?

20 replies

cath476 · 26/08/2010 22:12

This is not really my AIBU but just thought I'd gauge reactions from here. DSD is 15, she has a friend who has a 17yo boyfriend. DSD asked if she go out with her friends to the cinema which involved the 17yo driving them about half an hour away, including a busy motorway. DSD's Mum said no because she was concerned about her being on the motorway with an inexperienced driver. DH pointed out that a lot of accidents with young people in cars happen on smaller roads and DSD has been allowed in the car with the 17yo on shorter trips which didn't involve the motorway.
I can totally see where DSD's mum is coming from, as can DH but are we all being over-protective? Or should she even be in the car with him at all? The teenage years are such a minefield!

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 26/08/2010 22:13

I've been there and would have been really, really worried had my dsd got into a car with a 17yo driver when she was fifteen. So yanbu.

hairytriangle · 26/08/2010 22:15

PS: backing up her mum is probably the very best thing to do in this situation. Lots of accidents do happen on small roads, but lots happen on motorways too. No roads are safe for our precious children or step-children and it's our job to worry and to keep them safe.

I hated waving my (18 yo) DSD off as she drove from my house last night in torrential rain - I guess it never goes!

Bellasformerfriend · 26/08/2010 22:16

Tough one!

Have any of you seen him drive? Is he generally a sensible lad or a bit of a showoff?

Hmm, I am not sure what to say, i am trying to work out the reaction my dd would get from both me and her dad...he would say no way and probably ground her for even thinking of it Wink... not so sure what I would say though...[ponders]

Original poster
cath476 · 26/08/2010 22:16

When does it start to be ok though? In 18 months she will be old enough to drive herself. I am really not sure of what I think about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Morloth · 26/08/2010 22:17

YANBU this really worries me, I can remember being the passenger and the driver and all the stupid fucking things we got up to, it is sheer blind luck that I was not wrapped around a telephone pole.

TrillianAstra · 26/08/2010 22:17

Does it matter how old the daughter is? Would a 17 yr old going in a car with 17 yr old be any less dangerous? What about when she is driving herself?

OracleOfDelphinium · 26/08/2010 22:18

YANBU in spades. I wouldn't let her get in the car at all with a 17-y-o. My dad's only piece of life advice when I went to university was not to get in a car with an inexperienced driver. Grin Given that she's not your daughter, I think your only option is to back her mum up, whilst secretly thinking that your own children will never, ever, be allowed in cars at the age of 15 with a 17-year-old at the wheel.

Vallhala · 26/08/2010 22:19

If this was my daughter I'd say no way.

I'd carefully "forget to mention" that when I was 17 I was dating a lad of the same age and that we went all over the country in his car, which he was given when he passed his test just 2 days after his 17th birthday.

Original poster
cath476 · 26/08/2010 22:20

Hairytriangle - gosh, backing up her Mum is a given, DH was just thinking outloud to DSD's Mum I think. We would never over-rule her even we disagreed (which we don't necessarily). I don't think DSD even knows her mum told DH about it. Apparently, he seems like a nice lad and DSD's Mum has warned him to drive carefully, but I been in cars with 'nice' 17yo lads...

OP posts:
Morloth · 26/08/2010 22:21

We are intending to offer to buy outright our DSs two seater/small engine cars in an effort to minimise the power/teenager mix.

Original poster
cath476 · 26/08/2010 22:21

TrillianAstra, we crossed posts I think.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 26/08/2010 22:22

Quite a few of my friends nearly died when one of my friends lost control and the car ended up on its roof when I was at school so I am very, very paranoid about teenagers driving. My niece also wrote her car off when she was 17. I am not going to pay for my DS to learn to drive until he's at least 18. 17 year olds are bloody stupid on the whole

OracleOfDelphinium · 26/08/2010 22:22

cath476, I think her driving herself is different. You have to hope, hope, hope that she is sensible enough not to drink and drive, not to speed in the dark on wet roads, not to do anything crazy at all. But you will know whether she is sensible enough or not. If she isn't, I'd tell her that she isn't allowed out at night in the car on her own until she's 18, and is not allowed to drive friends anywhere either. Will she have a car of her own when she's 17? If not, you have the say over whether or not she has the use of your/your husband's car. And so on. It's different from a 15-y-o who is completely dependent on the safety and common sense (or lack of) of a 17-y-o boy.

Original poster
cath476 · 26/08/2010 22:25

Yes, I can see that but I think my point is, more and more of her friends will be starting to drive so at what point does is become ok? DO we say no until she is 18 and we have no say in it anymore? I don't know what the answer is tbh.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 26/08/2010 22:53

You could say 'no going in cars except with people we trust' I suppose. I don't know. But her age does not matter, it's the experience/sensibleness of the driver that is important.

Making her wait til she is 18 to learn to drive is not helpful IMO - you don't know how long it will take for her to pass her test and if she is going ot university she will want it out of the way. Plus there's no reason why she would be a better driver at 18 than 17, she's still the same person.

Goddammit · 26/08/2010 23:41

YANBU. I read somewhere that the greatest threat to a teenage girls life is her boyfriend's driving. Not on a motorway, and the other thing inexperienced drivers are rubbish at is allowing for the difference a full car makes in terms of the weight being different with 4 passengers. I wouldn't allow her to go, if I could possibly stop her.

LadyBiscuit · 26/08/2010 23:45

Morloth - that is a brilliant idea. I am going to get my DS a little GWhizz or something so that he is not going to be able to give everyone lifts.

I don't know what the answer is - it scares the living daylights out of me if I'm honest. I really wasn't exaggerating about the thing at school - my friend was in hospital for 6 weeks and had to have quite a lot of her face reconstructed. It was fucking horrible but a salutary lesson. Hard way to learn though. She's a teacher now and I know she talks to her students about what happened

Original poster
cath476 · 27/08/2010 16:06

Thanks for the replies ladies, I'll show the thread to DH and DSD's Mum and they can think it over and decide what they think is best. I think they are both unsure as to the right answer tbh. Good to have other viewpoints though.

OP posts:
MisterW · 27/08/2010 16:24

It's a question of trust. You trust DSD to be a sensible driver because you will talk to her about it. Do you know that her BF's parents have talked to him about being a safe driver? If they have do you trust him to follow their advice?

And if you value your DS's life please, please don't buy him a G-Wiz. If it's involved in a crash he'll be toast.

suwoo · 27/08/2010 16:46

Thats a tricky scenario isn't it, one I hadn't considered regarding 8 year old DD. I already have my strategies in place for drugs, alcohol and walking the streets Wink

I used to go out with boy racers all the time at that age (my mum didn't know).

On New Years eve of 1990, 3 of my friends were killed in their customised mini when a man with suicidal tendencies parked on a country road and drove head on into the first car that passed. Theirs Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread