to have spent holiday spending money over summer holiday

[prettypurpledaisy]

Long story so are you sitting comfortably?
ExH and I separated 10 months ago not been pleasant but we have stayed on reasonable terms.

We agreed to pay for holidays for children out of joint account, dd went to tenerife with her friend and ds was going to cologne with his friend. Both holidays paid for and exh gave each child £100 spending money.

Ds' holiday fell through and so I returned the cost to exh as I felt it was right. No joint account anymore this ended when we sold house.

Exh taking kids away for long weekend and has asked for £100 for ds back as spending money for the weekend. ds has bought games and we have had several trips to cinema plus money to have when he went out with friends so the money has been spent.

Exh earns 3x what I do and although he is paying maintenance this covers clothes and food.

AIBU to say the money has been spent and not return it or am should I find it somehow and give it to him so kids have a good trip away with him?

You should give him the money if thats the agreement you have re splitting holiday costs regardless of who earns what.

I don't think you should return it as dd had a holiday AND £100 all ds has had is the £100 and when they go away will ds get the £100 and dd nothing?

Perhaps if it helps offer £50 for both of them towards the cost but IMO he is taking them away he provides spending money like you provide it when they are with you.

HTH

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If it was spent on the kids,I don't think he has any reason to get cross about it. Especially if you didn't think your DS was getting a holiday to spend it on and he didn't ask for it when you gave the holiday cost.

HappyMummyOfOne there was no agreement as to what would happen if the holidays did not happen.

mumbar I agree dd got to spend her money while away and so I compensated by taking ds out as I felt bad his holiday was cancelled.

Feel bad though, feel I should find it somehow and go without next month so that they have a good holiday with their Dad.

Definitely think you you say to the ex that the money was spent by ds on his 'holiday at home' in lieu of holiday with friend that fell through.

THink this is perfectly reasonable if it wasn't discussed at the same time the money for the cancelled holiday was sorted out. Particularly if there was no other holiday on the horizon at the time that ds was spending it.

If you feel up to contributing spending money for your dc for their holiday with their dad then that is a completely separate issue.

Maybe you could volunteer to send something like £10 each with them as spending money on the basis that with having to buy new school uniforms, shoes, books, bags, etc etc it is a very expensive time of year and the maintence has all been spent on maintaining them. BUT as you are their mother and you love them lots you are going to give them something towards their holiday with their dad.

However, worth thinking - and asking your ex too - if you were to take the dc away for a long weekend, would he expect to give them lots of spending money or would he expect you to provide it? That should give you an answer as to whether or not you should be contemplating giving them lots of spending money to take with them!

Am guessing from your post that your dc are reasonably old - if your ex complains about cost, maybe you could do some research online with the dc to find out cheap and free things to do wherever it is they are going, get them into being savvy travellers early. Better than scrimping in order to subsidise your ex on a holiday with the kids when he earns enough to afford it - if you were still together would he be putting more into the holiday cash pot than you?

Sorry, lots of questions!

Thanks for the response Zipzap. I am taking the kids away in October and am not expecting him to contribute in any way towards cost or spending money (weekend dance competition so extremely expensive). If we were still together this would not have come up as everything came from joint account, I am struggling financially since the separation but we are managing and ds' money came in handy to take him out and pay for outings with his friends.
I will give them some money to take away with them.