... to ask for 5 minutes notice?

[legallyblond]

Please don't be too harsh on me if I am being unreasonable here. I am 36 and a half weeks pregnant and still working full time so it may well be pregnancy hormones turning me into a rigth b*tch...!

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask DH for 5 mins (or 2 mins!) warning when he brings people over to our tiny 2 bed flat?

For instance, last night, I got home from work at 8pm (not unusual - I am a lawyer so late nights are par for the course, even when preg). DH wasn't there (he is a teacher - still on summer hols), which is no big deal - I assumed (rightly, it turns out) that he was out playing tennis with a friend. I promptly changed into my grotty only comfy pyjamas, made a bite to eat and sat down to FINALLY pack my hospital bag (v late, I know!!). Cue maternity pads, breast pads and nipple creams strewn over the sitting room floor. By this time (about 9.30pm), I sort of fell asleep on the sofa half way through the job... Woken up by DH buzzing on the doorbell saying that he is outside with his friend from the tennis club plus teenage daughter as he wants to show them our laptop or something (she's thinking of buying a new one). I madly rub my eyes and try to scoop up all the maternity pads etc from the floor and let them in with only a 20 second delay...

When they left, I asked DH iF he can please just give me a few mins warning when he brings people over... just call me saying "just popping home now and bringing x, see you in 5". DH got really cross saying he doesn't need permission to bring people back and couldn't see what the problem was - no-one cares if I am in my pyjamas etc...

Unreasonable of me?

My pregnant brain has lost all sense of reason (and time, and everything really!)

YANBU. DP did this to me once. Never again

YANBU, it's not that he needs your permission, but just that you'd rather people didn't see you in your jammies. Who cares if they don't care - you do. Fair enough. My DH would usually give me notice (in the hope that I could quickly gather up the debris and hide it behind the sofa so other people don't see what a tip we live in!)

YANBU. I'd be annoyed if DH did that, I and don't even have the excuse of being pregnant. Totally inconsiderate if you ask me.

YANBU especially in your current condition, he was very inconsiderate. You are not asking him to ask your permission, just to give you time to get yourself/flat presentable, or go and hide in the bedroom if you don't feel like socialising. I'd reiterate that to him this eve if I were you, focussing on how you are totally happy for him to have people over but you need the opportunity for privacy especially at the moment. Will he continue to do this when you have a newborn, or is he perhaps getting it all out of the way now?

Best of luck with your new baby and try to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy - you must be on mat leave soon? Get as much rest as you can, while you can! :)

yadnbu, i hate people just popping over and dh would never bring anyone back with out a phonecall letting me know, not asking permission, just letting me know.

YADNBU. YOU care if you're in your pjyamas. Seriously, try and get him out of this habit PDQ. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but unexpected visitors are 1,000 times worse once the baby's here...

Men are clueless aren't they?!

YABU for posting this in AIBU because nobody in their right mind would say you ARE being unreasonable. But I can see why you would want a little rant.

YANBU
It's not about permission but being curteous to you. 9.30pm is quite late to be bringing people home IMVHO.

YANBU

Yanbu. What Smacsgonepotty said.

Hmmm...tricky, I can see how you felt, but it wouldn't bother me to be honest. Having said that, the only people that DH would bring back to the house at that time would be v close friends who have seen me in my jammies anyway (like on group hols etc.).

Not saying YABU, and on thinking about it, these people (his friends from the tennis club) sound like they're not close friends of yours so in that case I would expect a bit of warning TBH.

We did have a bit of a ding dong once about him bringing people back when I was already asleep so I didn't know, and nipped down to the loo (downstairs bathroom in our house) in slightly too revealing nightwear. He now just comes and whispers to half asleep me if there are people in the house when I'm asleep.

D

He is WRONG.

I think the time was a clincher really; for me, I'd def be in pyjamas slobbing or reading by then, if not I'd still be tidying and sorting out for the next day. So a very bad time for a suprise guest.In the daytime, courtesy ould also be nice, but not as essential iyswim.

YANBU. Its nothing to do with permission and he is being very unreasonable making you the one at fault. Even if you were flatmates and not married, its only courtesy to let the other person know, just in case they are in pyjamas/on the toilet/scoffing biccies in front of an unfashionable TV programme.

You've a right to privacy in your own home otherwise there is nowhere that you can relax.

Nip this in the bud before the baby comes or you will be starting another thread in a few weeks time about unexpected baby visitors. And they're even WORSE! Goood luck with everything. I'd have felt exactly the same in your shoes (slippers).

Next time dont let him in hell soon get the message

I've not let people in before when ex bought them back. He moaned about embarrasment etc and it was embarrasing, but who are they to think it's OK to walk in at 11 pm unless invited by both adults who live there? Lesson learnt

YANBU

Did he not have his keys though seeing as he buzzed the door? I would have made them wait before I letting them in!

FFS! It's not about asking permission!! And who gives two hoots whether they don't mind seeing you in your PJs??

YA so NBU. He needs a rocket up his arse.

Yanbu. It's your home and you should feel comfortable.

But then I loathe visitors who don't call ahead or pitch up early. This is a particular problem because of our downstairs bathroom. I have been trapped before because there is no way I am walking past FIL or my BIL or friends dressed only in a towel/thin dressing gown

You should have answered the door naked.

That would stop him doing it again...

YANBU ! I don't mind people popping in unexpected but it seems it was late evening and out of courtesy he should have let you know he was thinking of bringing people round.

YANBU. Of course he doesn't need permission to bring people back, but that's not what you're asking for. It's just common courtesy. He wouldn't like it if you walked in with your girlfriends while he was sitting in front of the tv scratching his nuts would he? And I doubt his friend and teenage daughter would feel very comfortable being confronted by your huge maternity pads.

YANBU! DH knows to give me a days notice, I need that to clear up all the crap! (& am sometimes found bio-oiling my fat tum in the nuddy - no-one wants to see that!!)

Nothing to do with being pregnant (congrats by the way!), just basic courtesy.

Guess men can be clueless. My DH once let strangers into our bedroom when I was in bed! They had come out of the pub next door, someone had chucked a scarf or something in the air, they thought it had landed on our windowsill and he let them up to have a look .

Now that I've had kids, and all sorts of strangers have seen me naked and given birth, I couldn't care much who sees me and in what state [smiley]. (Would probably still be cross about the bedroom incident if it happened now though...)