....in thinking he is exaggerating?

[SpiritualKnot]

In bried, H and I getting divorced.We've done an informal disclosure of our outgoings for the solicitors and I think he's exaggerating his. Overall it works out that he's over £400 overdrawn every month.

When I compare what I've put for my personal expenditure each month (mobile phone, toiletries, hair, gym, food and drink, clothes and footwear, car tax, insurance, petrol etc) it comes to just over £500. His come to over £1000. There are no loans.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking he exaggerating?

What would be a reasonable amount to spend on these things?

...sorry..in brief, not "in bried"

Hi Twopeople.
He does drink quite a lot, his food and dink part is high, but he's lumped that in with toiletries as well. I'm concerned as to why he's inflating the costs. Think you're right about it affecting the court's decision?

Can you speak to your solicitor?

It does sound like he is exaggerating which means they court would say he has to pay less maintainance? Is that right?

There shouldn't be any reason why his outgoings for basics like that are double yours.

My DP (hereafter 'P')recently went through a rather acrimonious divorce (let's call the ex 'X') and this kind of thing plagued us throughout the 18 month ordeal process. I could go into immense details but the long and short of it is that all the guff that X claimed to not have / be earning (X is self-employed and was doing the opposite: pleading virtual poverty in order to secure a 92% - 8% equity split) was disproven when both parties had to do the full disclosure thing. We could then demonstrate that X was absolutely earning much more than initially stated.

IMO I'd sit tight, file the form A (?) and ensure you get full copies of all bank statements, financial docs etc etc. Don't rely solely on your solicitor picking up on anomalies: devote a couple of hours each week going through his submitted docs. If DP's case had been taken solely on initial submissions I'd be writing this from a shoebox!

It does sound like you're going to be put through a similarly unpleasant situation so good luck & stay strong - don't rise to his bait!!

Ps. I should say that X walked out on P and I came along long after they'd separated!

Solicitor away at the moment but rang up anyway and spoke with another one. She said the lists we've done at this stage are not for submission to the court, they're just to show each other that we're ok. Supposed to be a simple agreement and trying to avoid form E.

What ex doesn't realise is that if I can't afford to stay in this house, I won't be moving around here, I'll be going back to my home town, 200 miles away. My parents are elderly and I was looking at jobs up there to move back there last year, with H and the dc. Now feel I'm stuck here so he can maintain contact with dd, ie for dd's sake.

I don't like it here, only moved here coz of my H in the first place.

SK- do you have any Dc (sorry if that an insensitive Q) just that i know from the experince of a dear friend that the courts will NOT let one partner get away with lying like this to get out of paying decent maintenance - sorry, dont know how it would be if no Dc involved

sorry i now see you have a DD

dont worry, he will not be able to get away with lying about his income/expenses when it comes to sorting the finances - friends DH tried it on and got a right bollocking about trying to shirk his responsibilities etc

Hi Perp,

There's two dc. Ds is 18 and starts uni in September. H refuses to give anything for him, so Ill be supporting him on my own. Dd is 11 and start secondary school in September.

It's infuriating. I earn more than him, but this was never an issue when we were together as he just let me pay for practically everything. So when it suited him he liked it, now he's left he resents it with such venom and fury.

I'm older than him by 9 years and it's clear that his earning potential is far greater than mine anyway.

You can get it written in that P has to support DS until he leaves full time education. This is quite normal.

£200 a month for food! How on earth do you manage on £50 a week for food!

Mummytime-He just refuses to support DS. I'm going to be supporting him and am proud to do so. He just got straight A's in his A levels and a scholarship of £1500 a year as a result of this. I can't understand at all why H doesn't want to help. Don't want to anatagonise him by starting to ask him, he just goes crazy.

When I was at uni I got a grant, H's course didn't qualify so his mum supported him throughout, so you'd think he had even more reason to support his own son as he saw the benefits of that first-hand.

Madame-Don't know how much people spend on food for one person, think twopeople meant that for one person? H put down £400 for one month for himself....no wonder he's getting so fat.

SK it would be possible for your DS to pursue your H for funding for his education if your H's income was taken into account when calculating how much your DS was entitled to in the way of grants/loans.

There was a case of a son who sued his father successfully for maintenance for his education as the father's income had been taken into account when calculating how much the son was allowed to borrow. You might want to mention it to your DS .

Oh, and I think £400 for food for 3 is really good, we spend about £80 a week , although DS and DD are still in nappies and that does add a fair bit!

HiMoomin, that was one advantage of H leaving, his earnings weren't taken into account, so DS got the full loan (this doesn't actually cover his accommodation costs, let alone living expenses but is a great help). I'll be giving him £325 a month for living expenses.

Think H thinks he's done his bit by leaving, if he'd been there, his earnings would have been taken into account, in which case DS wouldn't have got the full loan. In which case I would have had to give DS even more. So H thinks he's saved me some money there.

Can't believe how tight H is. It's been a real shock for me. Made me feel quite ill the way he was so super thrilled and proud at how well DS had done in his A levels.