to want to thump the next person who sighs 'three boys: how do you cope?'

[rexrabbit]

I'm sick of it!

awww. don't be harsh op...like everyone here has said, its usually meant with good intent. its often said to me by older ladies who like to have small talk, or who are sympathising with you, having been there themselves....

i have said the "small" thing about little babies, because when your kids are almost as tall as you are, it is so very easy to forget just how very small they used to be....

5 Girls and 1 boy here.

I get all the comments about pmt and poor dp.
I also get asked if I had all the girls because I was trying for a boy usually while poor old DS is stood there.

DS who is the eldest also gets so many comments about his sisters and my Mum/Mil and dsis tend to indulge him because he is the poor only boy .

I'd imagine three kids are hard work, regardless of the gender. I struggle with 1 but I have a friend who effortlessly breezes through with 3 under 4. Horses for courses, I guess.

It's conversation - people are trying to be friendly and engage with you...don't be oversensitive.

It's just something to say isn't it? People are actually usually being very nice when they make comments, would you rather no-one acknowledged you or spoke to you at all?

It really irritates me when people complain about things like this. Do you really believe people are asking about your amazing coping skills?

BTW I have 5 boys and 1 girl. My youngest boys are 7 month old twins so I get PLENTY of comments when we are out and about.

People are very boring when they just say the first thing that pops into their head.

When it's directed it at me I shrug it off, but I do begin to worry that the constant comments about DD's unbelievably tiny size (she's four and she can stand on the tip of my little finger ) and questioning how such a microscopic person will manage at school will begin to worry her. She may be minute but she does speak English. Gah!

So YABU to want to thump them but YANBU to occasionally point out that boys aren't all hooligans, or whatever.

My feeding is, 3 kids how do you cope , I only have one, but not out of choice. Would love a brother or sister for dd.

YANBU.

I have a DS and I am pregnant. When MIL said did I want a DD, I said I wasn't bothered, another boy would be nice. Then she said "oh but if its a boy you will want to try for a girl"

Ummmm, no actually. If I have anymore it will because I want another child (because of course we can choose as well can't we? )

Then I got a lecture on "oh but you don't want 3 children blah blah blah"

Maybe one day I will actually!

OP i wouldn't really let it bother you
you are happy with your boys, why does it matter what others think (they probably didnt even put much thought into it either, only small talk as people have said)
i only have 2 boys but still sometimes people say the same things like oh you have your handful, or even 2 boys poor u! i dont really care, its just because of the idea that boys are quite lively, which may be true to an extent.. if they say something negative why dont u just reply a positive for eg if people say would have been nice to have a boy and a girl i would say oh no i like having two boys toghether they can get on and play really well, and people say oh yes true, and that is the end of that - its only chitchat they are not going to start arguing and insisting no no its awful that you have boys etc. don't take it to heart so much

YABVVU

They're only making conversation. Worry about something more important.

Mostly people are trying to be polite and friendly even if what they actually say comes out with less than 100% conversational skill!

justabout I agree that some people actually are being deliberately rude. Saying that they wouldn't want your life themselves I don't think is rude. Many of us wouldn't want to swap with others because we prefer our own situation and that isn't a bad thing.

"thank goodness I only had girls" can just mean that the person feels they don't know how to parent boys.

"you must be disappointed" I do think is an inappropriate thing to say, but it says more about the person who says it! I think it is reasonable to challenge that particular comment and say "what an odd comment, what did you mean by that?" If they say that you must be disappointed in the sex of your child I would definitely put them straight and let them know that you find their comment to be ridiculous. Say you would have been disappointed if it was a cushion you had given birth to but anyone who has a baby is pretty unlikely to be feeling "disappointed".

There's a difference between making small talk about having your hands full because of having 3/4/5 small children, but when people comment on you having all boys in particular it can be quite offensive if you let it be.

When I was pregnant with ds2 someone asked if I knew what I was having, I said that I was having a boy. She said "what a shame, will you have a third to try for a girl?" ds2 hadn't even been born! I was momentarily very angry but tbh it's not worth paying attention to thoughtless stupid

Thanks to this sort of thread previously, my response to my friend discovering she was expecting DS3 was 'three boys, lovely!' with the sort of enthusiasm I usually reserve for a nice cup of tea and some cake. As I have one DD myself, she almost certainly thought I was taking the piss. :o

With an only DC, and knowing what a lot of people think of that, I'm really wary of my reactions to people's family size. So it made me LOL when two mothers of three were all 'OMG, four!!!' to another mum at school.

I figure we're always wrong in our assumptions about family size and composition anyway. I nearly said to my neighbour (who has DS and DD) 'imagine if we didn't have girls, there wouldn't be farking beads all over the place' (dog was trying to eat them, they were bouncing everywhere, the girls were getting the strings for threading them all tangled ...) Ten minutes later the DS and his friend were making bracelets as well.

I have 3 boys, due to have a girl soon, I must be relieved according to most, after having 3 boys must be impossible, like some how having a 4th who happens to be a girl is going to make it all so much easier

It's much cheaper as well as easier to have them all the same sex because you can pass the (unbroken) toys and (only slightly worn) clothes down, and can buy the same sort of nappies for all of them

I expected each of my four to be a girl, and was wrong every time. I do say to people that although some of each might have been nice, if I had the choice of all boys or all girls I'd have chosen boys, and anyway they are too gorgeous to want to swap for anything. Of course if they'd been girls I'd probably have thought I preferred that. (Then again, if they'd turned out to like pink ribbons and My Little Pony I'd have had to disown them.)

Re the "but you've got a boy AND a girl already" comments, I'd have been tempted to tell them we were hoping for a nice bunny rabbit next!

just checked back in and thankyou all for the reality check:

yes I know to most of you it does sound unreasonable, and that most people are making conversation (the random old lady in the supermarket etc).

I posted because the last of the many such comments I have had this hols was from the lady who runs in the local caf who is so proud of her trophy girl (after her sister had 3 boys and she had one) that she never fails to point out my relative misfortune (this, as I'm paying the bill when they've behaved beautifully throughout but are now starting to play up...).

It's these people who wind me up. Yes maybe they don't know how to parent boys (and the boys in that family are pretty full on) but come on: no-one knows how sweet and lovely anyone else's kids are behind closed doors.

And to be honest, there's nothing that makes me more unreasonable than LACK OF SLEEP. Now it's not the boys waking me up it's the bloody weather. hence unreasonably early post.

It's just small talk. I have a boy and a girl and I used to hear 'ah a pigeon pair' whatever that means... My son is on the spectrum and I've been asked if he's in a residential home as well! He's less hard work than my daughter though.

Everywhere I go people say, "You've got your hands full!"

I have 4DCs 6months, 20months, 2 and 4 so they have a point as I manhandle them all around the town!

I think people are just making conversation and trying to be nice BUT don't get me started when people say "Well at least you have your girl" (I have 3 DSs and DD). Now that is rude IMO.

The comment that I can't forget is when a woman deliberately hung back once in a supermarket, so that that she could mutter 'obnoxious children' under her breath before walking off. grrrrrr. They weren't being angels, they were fighting, but they weren't that bad. I would have though all siblings quarelled. Would have liked to have pushed her head into a cake as she sasheted off through the fresh cakes section, before leaping into her 4X4 where her husband was minding her kids.

my dd gets it all time,she has four dds,when people say when you having boy,she tells them, had one but he passed away, they shut up straight away,
i get told alot never mind as my dd2 is pregnant and having a girl,so they will be five granddaughters then.

ValiumSingleton: It's SO easy to knock other people's kids on a brief viewing, isn't it.

hazygirl GULP at the dead boy story. that's a show stopper.

just so hard to find a way to say yes of course it can be hard work BUT IT"S NOT BECAUSE THEY"RE BOYS DON"T BE SO RUDE THEY CAN HEAR YOU without sounding bonkers!