Sibling rivalry

[girlpower]

Here's how it is - 2 years ago or so... I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy - I gave him to my sister - yes, I was the surrogate mother which I agreed to do out of the goodness of my heart - I wanted my sister to be happy - this is what she really wanted.

At first, half the family i.e. my brothers and sisters, turned against me...... My sister came home from the US for her hols for a month.

I have been babysitting every week and all the other times in between (I did loads of babysiting the first year!) since 8 weeks after the baby was born - My sister, who I had the baby for think I haven't been doing enough babysitting - the cheek of her... I wasn't working at the time and wasn't when my sister came home from America - now she's is saying I should do more....

They both see me as not working so therefore I should be more readily available - I do a lot of volunteer work including babysitting the baby (my son, I might add) looking after my mother who has MS and in a wheelchair, I also walk dogs, not everyday but 2/3 days a week. My sister who I had the baby for doesn't help me out with mum - she doesn't see her much - she popped in each week for 2 months this and thinks she's great!!!! I mean, HELLO!!

My sister who I had the baby for is twisting things to make me look bad to my sister in the US and she believes her. My family have gone to the dogs

I also lent my sister a large sum of money - a five figure sum, she still hasn't paid me back nor has she ever apologised to me about it... My sister in the US knows about it but she doesn't want to say anything to my other sister as she doesn't want to have a falling out with her over it..

Between the jigs and the reels basically I feel like I'm alone in this family and I have nobody fighting my corner - so I'm asking you guys to give me advice on what I should do

I don't want to be told I should take the baby away from my sister as I agreed to it and wanted to do this and I'm not going to take him away from my sister and his father (My sisters husband)

I also don't want to be told I should not have anything to do with my sister I had the baby for - that's totally out of the question as I won't get to see my precious little I gave birth to...

So, you can see my dilemma..

HELP!

do you have a partner? Any children of your own?

As far as I see it, there are two issues here:

1. your sister wants you to babysit more
2. She owes you money.

To me, it sounds like she is exploiting you - you've given her a child - which is an amazing gift. But she doesn't want responsibility for it and BTW you can fund her lifestyle too.

It's hard to give advice based on one posting as this is obviously a complex set of relationships. But from a first reading it seems that your sister wants to call all the shots and that you need to work on your assertiveness with her. Why not set aside some time to talk to her and explain that you'd like to be repaid.

Also I suspect that while you have handed over the responsibility for the child to your sister, you may be regretting that. Phrases such as "babysitting the baby (my son, I might add)" suggest that you still secretly see him as yours rather than your sisters. Again, without more background info this is hard to advise on.

I think it needs to be sorted out exactly who has parental responsibility for the baby, it sounds murky from what you have posted.

You say "my son" but as I understand surrogacy that isn't how it works.

You need to decide what you are willing to do and only do that, people will take what they can get.

They are treating you this way because you let them.

Agree with MadWriggle, it sounds like there are unresolved issues about giving her the baby, which is completely understandable, as it's an amazingly complex and difficult thing to get your head/heart around.

In terms of the actual issues raised in the post, again I agree with MadWriggle, you are probably being exploited a bit re the babysitting and would be quite right to stand your ground bearing in mind your other responsibilities (or even without them, it's your choice). With regards to the money, when were you expecting it back, have you discussed this with your sister, what does she think is the plan for paying it back?

I really feel like with both issues there are a lot of things going unsaid between the two of you (and possibly the rest of the family), and I suspect this might all stem back to the fact that there are clearly unresolved issues regarding the surrogacy. Have you anyone you can talk to about how you feel about the surrogacy?

D