To ask a hv for help regarding my nephew or should I wait?

[stargazer83]

I'll try and keep this short and fact based will all information up front.
My bro and sil have a son who's 1 next week.
He is in size 2-3 clothes and weighs over 3 stone last time he was checked and was 8ib 1 at birth. He's diet at home consists of take outs mcdonalds chicken shop kebab indian, jars of baby food or cereals such as frosties or sugar puffs.Snacks consist of crisps and chocolate and I know he's been given coke and beer. He has a minimum of 7 7oz bottles made with hungry baby formula a day.
He is crawling and pulling himself up as normal but gets tired quickly. The room in which he sleeps with his mum and dad is filthy with beer cans rubbish and dirty washing piled everywhere. He's cot has dirty sheats and he is offten wearing dirty clothes or clothes that are too small because they "look cute"
Bro and SIL work full time - SIL from 9-3. I look after my dn 3-5 days a week whilst SIL works. When she picks him up from me she takes him to the pub for a couple of hours feeding him rubbish and bottle after bottle to keep him quiet.
My SIL and Bro live with my mum in my brothers bedroom and I know my sil does not feel comfortable there and so trys to stay out as much as possiable, working all week must make it very hard for them to do washing and drying and cooking. I know this but its getting harder and harder watching, my family have all tried to say something without being interfeering as we are genuinly concerned about DN but it is ignored and we daren't say anything stronger as SIL has been known to stop people seeing the baby if they upset her.
I have been toying with the idea of explaining all this to a hv and asking them for help but I keep holding off hoping that when they get there own flat they will be able to settle and get things sorted but times going on and there still seams to be no sign of them moving out.
Whilst I have stuck to bare facts I think its only fair to confess I dont like my bro or SIL and if it wasn't for DN I'd happily have nothing to do with them ever again. These feelings are why I'm bringing this to aibu and also because I'm not sure what to do for the best. Thank you for taking the time to read this x

If you are looking after him so many times a week when is he eating the junk food and what do you feed him?

And yes, something needs to be done right now.

I think if you can't speak to your mum, brother or SIL to help resolve then you will need to speak to HV or SS.

Giving child under 5 alchohol is illegal I think, and the dirty sheets, consistently dreadful diet, time in the pub if daily and small clothes is neglect.

Good lord, that's a seriously heavy one year old.

Something probably needs to be done about that if nothing else - it will take some fairly careful strategising to get him to level out to the extent that he is not overweight by the time he starts school at this rate - it happens very gradually, and he weighs about the same as a 3 year old who is on the 99th centile. So at this rate he'd have to maintain his weight for 2 years just to get on the charts, and even then, 99th centile for a 3 year old is technically overweight unless their height is way off the chart to level their BMI off.

Not that charts and centiles are the be-all-and-end-all but I think in this case if nothing else they serve to highlight just how big this baby is getting and how that's not a healthy thing by the sounds of it.

Sorry for the delay this is the first chance I've had to sit down and write out a responce today.
madamearcati - a lot of the reasons SIL doesn't feel comfortable are my oppinions rather then facts so I hope you understand why I wont go into them as I am here asking for advice based on fact rather then a bro and SIL bashing. Suffice to say the relationship between my mum and them has broken down and only time and distance will repair it.
My youngest brother does the cooking at home and used to cook for them all but 9 times out of 10 the food was never eaten as the bought take aways knowing that there was a hot meal waiting for them. I also used to send pots of food home for DN telling SIL that I'd made too much and it would only go to waste but it was thrown in the bin rather then being fed to him so I stopped.
Whilst with me DN has a healthy diet full of fruit and vegtables, water to drink and one bottle. During term time we go to lots of baby groups, parks and soft plays, anywhere that gives him the chance to crawl around and I'm also trying to get SIL's permission to take him swimming which he loves and is very active in the water.
As for knowing what he eats my knowledge croms from many sorces, my mum and younger brother (18) who are there a lot when he's being fed, friends and family that are in the pub and see what she gives him but mostly from SIL herself who will tell me proudly how her big boy ate a whole sausage roll/packet of crisps/chocolate. Or complain to me how he had x amount of bottles last night or will pack crisps/ buscits/chocolate in he's bag for he's snacks whilst with me (which always get returned).
Thanks everyone that read and responded. I will take him to a hv and express my concerns next week once my parrott of a daughter is back at school

glad you're going to HV. he is really lucky to have you especially as you look after him so often. sounds like you do more with him than I do with my own kids

do they actually want this boy at all? do they love him, or regret having him? it sounds like they view him as getting in the way :(

I know this is extreme but surely they realise if they carry on this way, SS will get involved (over the weight if nothing else) - he will end up being taken away. is it possible that is actually what they want to happen? that they aren't coping but don't want to say it?

I know this sounds really flippant and hopefully it wouldn't need to come to this, but I am seriously thinking that you should adopt him!

Algebra - its highly unlikely that he would get taken away instead SS will involve themselves in educating the mother advising on diet perhaps visits to a dietician,they will support the parents in learning how to parent with parenting classes and extra support,hopefully they will be successful and things will change for the positive.

It may even be that they will be supported in finding a seperate home.

Removal of a child from a home really is a last option.

well hopefully it would be the last resort. obviously the best option is for SS to get involved and educate them but TBH it sounds like no amount of support is going to change them, if this has caused arguments already they must know what they are doing is wrong, but OP said they react by banning people from seeing DN.

this all makes me very pessimistic :(