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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

X HUSB ENFORCING PREVIOUS COURT ORDER AFTER HE ABDUCTED OUR SON

27 replies

Happymuppet · 24/08/2010 21:15

I left my now x husb about 4 yrs ago with our son. I gave him all the access he wanted then one weekend he never returned my son and kept him for 6 weeks getting an order on me preventing me from getting him back (he lied in order to do this - he later confessed). Please bear in mind we lived 100 miles apart when i left - i was not allowed to see my son for these 6 weeks. To cut this story very short after several court cases i won and got full custody and he got access etc. The court order states that he cannot take the child out of the country unless i agree - i dont! I meet him every other weekend he has him at our halfway point, i give him all his requests other than this trip abroad. He has refussed to help with any additional costs with his son eg swim lessons,school clothes etc says thats what he pays his £198 a month maintenance for! I recieved a letter from the court on friday saying i am to attend court. He wants some enforcement and direction on the previous order thats all the letter states. I went to see my solicitor today at a cost to me of £400, she said after getting in touch with the courts that he wants me to travel more to meet him half way for collection,and wants to take him abroad, and also wants me to pay for his court fees. If i want a solicitor to come to court with me its going to cost me over £1000. I am a single parent, not in any relationship, i work part time around school hours, rent a house, and earn about £10,000 a year. I dont get legal aid! Do i give in and give him what he wants to get him off my back? Despite the fact that 4 yrs ago he said that he could get him out of the country before i even knew he was gone. He bullies me,sends abbusive text if i dont give in and makes my life a missery. Someone help me. He is on an income of about £40,000, he lives down south about 100 miles away with a woman who has her own company, but also she has a 14 yr old and a young baby. I have been told that although these are not his that cause he is supporting them my son comes last and they take him supporting her kids into account, and thats where the financial balance between us will be. He has just bought a new motorbike and an Audi, so financially who is better off!?DO i get the money to have a solicitor in court? Despite her telling me that the court will allow him to take my son on holiday, and will give him basically what he wants to be fair. What can i do? I have sobbed for hours and hours. He has finally broken me.

OP posts:
jonicomelately · 25/08/2010 08:36

You are BOTH using your son to hurt one another. I feel really sorry for your son. You are not a bad mother. You are not a bad person but the world you have created for your son is toxic. You need to stop the blame game, accept your ex's relationship with his son, stop saying no to every request and get on with building a civil relationship. All the damage you are doing now will affect your son when he is older. Do you love your son more than you hate your ex? If so you have to accept the situation. The father isn't going to go away, nor is any court going to deny him access. I suspect they don't believe many of you 'accusations' against your ex now which is why you can't get legal aid. You use inflammatory language like 'abduction' when actually the real issue was a contact dispute. That pisses people off. Try a new approach. Don't pour more fuel on the fire by contacting the police (unless things get really bad). You don't say your ex has been violent. I suspect he's hurting as much as you are. I really don't want to hurt you. You are very emotional and hurt but you need a good dose of old-fashioned plain talking for your sake and the sake of your son x

peanutbear · 25/08/2010 18:27

Did you get in touch with the police about your texts today

I too had lots of abusive texts so my mobile company changed my number for free, this made the whole situation worse for a few months but at least I didnt dread my phone bleeping

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