To want to sell all my baby equipment rather than just give it away

[karyncake]

I always buy items with the idea that if its well looked after and has good resale value its worth spending that little bit more so I dont mind spending £100 on a bouncy chair or £25 on a dress for dd as I see it as more of a deposit. I dont get any help financially from my family as I live quite a bit further away and my parents have another 13 grandchildren to think about which is fine.
My brother is soon to have his 3rd child and I have been asked to give him my pram, baby toys, clothes, sling and basically everything my youngest is still using but will have outgrown by the time his daughter is born. Am I being unreasonable to want to sell it instead to pay for her preschool fees as I had planned?

Not unreasonable no. I would just tell him that you were planning on selling it and give him first dibs.

Why don't you sell it to them?

I would sell if you want to and just explain you recycle the cash back into buying other stuff for DD.

With 13 other grandchildren I am wondering if you received any baby stuff from older cousins? I am assuming not from the details of your post, but if yes, than I would put back into the communal pot an equivalent value of baby stuff and sell the rest.

It is yours to do with what you please. Give him first refusal on buying items. However, anything the family gave you perhaps should be passed on to him.....

I had the same dilemma with my sister. Fortunately I had already sold a lot before she announced she was pregnant, and although I offered her things (to buy) she basically turned her nose up at secondhand items and I felt justified in not asking her again. Although, over the past 5 years I have passed on a few things to her that she or mum had given me, and also some books.

I also

YANBU, you've bought and cared for baby things knowing that in laying out the additional expense you'd recoup some of it.

And it's his 3rd child - do they not already have baby stuff?

Who has asked you? I would say sorry, you'd like to be able to but you were going to sell it to pay for dd's preschool.

I'm in agreement with others here. You put out the money on these expensive things, assuming you would make back some of your money to help pay for your DD's preschool. Offer it to him at what you'd hoped to get for it, perhaps less 10% or so, to take account of not having to ebay it or put it in the papers, and if he doesn't like that, then that's tough.

Who has asked you to give your stuff away? I'm not clear if it's your brother who is asking you directly, or someone else in the family?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but as others have said, if there are things which your family have given you, it might be an idea to pass them on to your brother?

I feel for you, I guess there is some pressure here and it's hard to say no to family sometimes!

Maybe you could give him a couple of items as a nice gesture and then gently drop into conversation that as you need funds for playgroup/nursery fees, that you were planning on selling the rest, but that he could have first choice. I personally would offer some clothes free and sell the equipment.

I think it is really bad manners to ask for things (assuming he has). And that anything you bought should be sold as you had planned. If he had casually mentioned he'd take any old stuff that was going that is different and OK.

YANBU. I do the same - anything I buy, cheap or expensive, I always look after it and put it on eBay when it's finished with.

When you say you have been asked - who asked you - was it your brother or was your mum/similar?

I have to say I would probably tell a few lies - say an item was damaged and binned whereas it was actually put on eBay!

YANBU

Yeah, LucyLouLou suggested a really good compromise.

Oh phew, feel better after reading that as I was having a horrible guilt trip. It was my mum who asked not my brother. Have given them a few bits (clothes, chair etc ) and will just hope that there is no more mention of it.
Thanks ladies for your opinions! xx

But Zukie, presumably you offered rather that other people asking you for things?

Karyncake deliberately factored into her spending on her baby that she would be make some money back and has earmarked that money to reinvest in her dd's preschool.

Suggested in her OP is that she doesn't get help unlike other members of her family by virtue of distance. This is also her brother's 3rd child so I'm guessing already has baby items and/or has thought about costs before choosing to have another child.

Personally I think it depends on how much money you have. If you can afford to pay the school fees anyway, then I would help your brother out with giving him the stuff (unless he is mega rich). If you can't afford it - then just tell him that you can't afford to give the stuff away and were planning to sell it on instead, and see if he offers to buy it.
Personally, one of the reasons I have bought top end baby stuff is specifically so that I can pass it onto mine and DH's younger siblings when they have families - we have more money than them and they wouldn't be able to afford a bugaboo, a nice solid oak cot, or a baby bjorn bouncy chair, but this way they can have all of our stuff when we are finished with it, and I feel better about buying good quality stuff (with hefty price tag), because I know it will get loads of use.

It depends on lots of things. I am happy to pass stuff on as lots of stuff was passed on to me. My crib has been used by 10 babies, and sadly my SIL and BIL scratched it so it has no resale value now. But I just looked on ebay and even in good condition would only be worth £10, would rather just lend it for free. I guess it higher resale value would feel differently. As all my baby stuff 7 years old I can't imagine its worth anything, but keeping it has meant I have not had to buy anything for Dc3.

YANBU, it's your stuff, and it's rude to ask to be given stuff IMO, even if it's family!

I feel bad that we just have to think about selling our old baby stuff - every penny counts to us. We've agreed to give everything one or two chances to be bought (i.e. 2 boot fairs or whatever) and then we'll give it away if it doesn't sell. a lot of it probably won't sell, but at least we will have tried IYSWIM.

I felt terribly guilty when my friend gave us a load of old clothes for DS, they are fab. I asked her if she wanted any money (as she is badly off too) but she said no