AIBU to feel this way about returning to work? pls tell me all will be ok...

[katkit]

hello,

I've got a 5 month old dd who (til this week) has been very chilled and very settled. i'm on maternity leave and have always planned to return after 9- 12 months.

recently at my work a fantastic job came up, one which i've had my eye on for a year. in fact i'm so picky that it's kind of the only job i'll do!

i was interviewed, put my all into it and got the job. thing is, it's FT 5 days pw. cue several days of agonising over what to do. in the end, i accepted the job, but have been distraught ever since.

i think dd is picking up on my feelings as she's been so serious all week, and more clingy. and the last 2 bedtimes have been horrific, whereas before they were fine. i'm now cheering up and think she is too.

anyway, i'm waffling now. this post is reflecting my current state of mind- quite humourless and, well, miserable- sorry.

anyway, i was hoping that maybe some of you might be able tell me that you have gone back to work ft, and left baby in nursery, and that it's all been ok. please tell me it's all ok and my dd will be fine!

in addition i'll be cycling 75 miles pw in order to get to work, oh and of course trying to eat a proper mesl in the evenings.

it will be ok, my dd will be fine won't she?

I think this is one of those threads where people can only give their personal view or experience, and interesting though that may be, it's not you, or your DD so it is basically a case of doing what suits you and your family, and nothing else.

FWIW personally I would never have put DS in full time nursery as I felt he needed full time with family carers who loved him and i did not believe for DS that institutional care was good enough. My personal view, not others, I know. I also felt that FT nursery was too exhausting for him.

I had a huge need to be with my ds and passionately felt it was up to me, DH and (luckily for us) willing GPs to give him his secure pre school years at home. I strongly felt those formative years were so important for me/us to be there full time. I totally believe in women working and showing children a great example of what women can acheive - I just felt for me, this would happen after DS' pre school years.

I'm not you though! Good luck, whatever you decide.

thanks all... real life took over for a bit and only just come back. great practical tips and advice on the emotional side.

i think i'll be a saddo and print this off to read again nearer the time!

and am in the process of negotiating a gradual return to work, hope they agree.

i'm on page 2 but there were 2 questions on page 1!:

the journey to work- the other option is bus train walk, which takes longer and costs £9(!) for a daily ticket- but is an option.

webmastering from home- unfortunately we're on government secure network and working from home's not possible.

thanks all for helping me think this through.