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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with new preschool?

28 replies

squigglywig · 23/08/2010 09:00

The preschool has one allotted time each semester for new kids starting, and the settling in period.

The settling in period is a mandatory 10 days of me being there with DD for slightly longer each day, and then her being there alone for slightly longer etc. etc.

It starts on the 25.08. All the Universities go back on 27.08 so I'd need to miss a week which would be really difficult (not just for me, but students too)

The introduction and welcome meeting is planned for today at 18.00, lasts an hour and a half and kids can't go.

None of this information was available until Friday last week (despite asking!)

I called again as soon as I got the mail on Friday. Took forever to get through and then was asked to call back between 9 and 10 this morning. Did that. Kept having the call ring through only to then be set to busy. Finally get through at 9.50, when she is in the car going to a meeting, and could I call back later, but really she doesn't think there is anything they can do.

Just feel very much like this place has very little regard for how their arrangements affect anyone who is not a SAHM in a two parent family (not saying there is anything wrong with that, there isn't, am just saying it isn't the only family set up). They have known we are a single parent family and that I study/work full time since we were given the place in May.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TorcherQueenie · 23/08/2010 09:06

YANBU 10 days to settle seems an awfully long time with DD's nusery it was just whatever time it took for the child to settle in most cases it was 2 days.

fedupofnamechanging · 23/08/2010 09:09

YANBU at all. I am a SAHM and even I would find this difficult as it takes no account of other children that you might have to find babysitters for or the fact that one partner may be away with work or not able to get back on time.

Is it a really good preschool generally or might it be worth looking at somewhere else? While I think it is very good that they want youto stay while your child settles, there should be some flexibility given that not all children need exactly the same amount of time to settle. There is no excuse for being late giving out information/not answering phones. They don't sound very well organised

kreecherlivesupstairs · 23/08/2010 09:09

DNBU, ten days is a ridiculously long time. My DD would have been really upset by having me there and then me not being there.

Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 09:09

I think it's excessive too. They are children not china dolls. But it seems to be within the normal range over here.

OP posts:
netbook · 23/08/2010 09:11

10 days is ridiculous. I'd be more concerned that you couldn't talk to anyone.

Poor communication was one of my bugbears with ds preschool, how difficult is it to get organised and let parents know what;s going on?

yanbu

Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 09:13

Not much I can do re: changing. There are no actual private daycares here. The private ones, i.e. owned privately, are still administered by the state queue so you can't just up and leave. There is a 3 month guarantee i.e. you will get a place somewhere in the city within 3 months of declaring your need for it, but it literally could be anywhere in the city.

It is a nice place aside from the organisation and it will put DD in touch with local kids which is great too.

Am just feeling that we are not going to fit in as a family, and that these problems are going to recur.

OP posts:
Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 09:15

kreecher you are right, that is what happened at her last preschool before we moved. She got used to me being there and then got upset when she wasn't going with Mama anymore. There just doesn't seem to be any flexibility for different kids and families.

Aaargh.

OP posts:
RobynLou · 23/08/2010 09:16

10 days seems ridiculous! DD's preschool are pretty strict on not letting parents leave children until they are totally happy to be left, but if that only takes one or two sessions then thats fine (I know one poor woman of a v clingy boy who had to accompany him for a whole term though!)

MrsTittleMouse · 23/08/2010 09:17

YANBU. My DD1 started preschool and the settling in process was as follows -

  1. DD1 visits the preschool with me when we are checking out the options.
  2. We choose the preschool.
  3. I go in with DD1 on her first day and stay there for 20 minutes until the head very gently suggests that DD1 is playing happily and I can go now. Blush
  4. For the first day, I hang around with my mobile switched on in case she gets upset.
  5. Done! No more "settling in" required.

10 days seems very excessive. I am a SAHM in a two parent family, and I have family that I can call upon if necessarily (which is what I did for DD1's first day), and I would find 10 days very disruptive, because I have a younger child, who was breastfed at the time. So I wonder who it is convenient for. Hmm

MrsJohnDeere · 23/08/2010 09:17

YANBU. I think this would have the opposite effect tbh - they'll get used to having the parents/carer around then wonder why they've gone.

Ours has a taster day with parents before the child starts, then they go on their own from day 1. The pre-school phones after half an hour, and again later, to say how the child is getting on. And they ask us to stay within easy access of the ps for the first few weeks (or have a relative/friend who is) so that we can come in and comfort them or bring them home if need be.

VoldemortsNipple · 23/08/2010 09:17

Find out what Ofsted reccommend and go armed with that infomation. 2 days where I work, longer if the child needs it.

Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 09:22

We don't have Ofsted here (Sweden), but the guidelines for our council area are confusing/contradictory:

  • they are required to provide sufficient childcare that parents can work/study/combination full time
  • the settling in period is to be determined by the preschool themselves, and the school is not required to take a child who has not completed this period

I suppose it is only contradictory in this case because they have done it so late in the month. If they had done this earlier in the month it would have been possible for student-parents at least, though still would have been excessive. Or allowed staggered dates so families could do it when it was viable.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 23/08/2010 09:24

This is like the schools where I live. In P1 they have a ridiculous settling in system with half days for the first few weeks. It strikes me that the child is either going to get used to it and settle in quickly or not and prolonging the whole thing over a period of weeks is of no real benefit to either the DC or the parent.

DS is moving preschool and his settling in period is 2 hours on the first day, after that it is 9-3 every day and I have every expectation that he will be absolutely fine as he was in last years pre school.

HSMM · 23/08/2010 09:24

My DD wasn't happy when I left her at pre school, but she had a great time as soon as I had gone. They had a policy that parents went in to help on a rota basis once a term, which I was fine about, but really upset her, because she wanted to know why I couldn't be there all the time. Better for me not to be there at all, so she wasn't confused. Check with them that 10 days isn't the maximum settling in, and that you might be able to do it in 2 or 3 days?

rookiemater · 23/08/2010 09:25

Oh and I would just bring your DC along to the 1800 meeting, absolutely ridiculous to expect parents of young children to attend a meeting at that time with little prior warning, sounds like it has been arranged for their convenience i.e. tacked on to the end of their working day rather than considering how the parents will be able to attend.

ChippingIn · 23/08/2010 10:28

I would go to the meeting and be pretty vocal about the mandatory settling in period being fucking ridiculous highly unsettling for your child - hopefully you'll get a lot of parents agreeing!!

Squitten · 23/08/2010 10:35

Goodness - that's long! My DS is just starting nursery soon (2-3yr group) and the settling in period is 3 days: 2hrs on first day with me there the whole time, 2hrs on second day with me there for 1hr and then 2hrs with me just dropping off.

I would also be making a big deal about this!

WurzelBoot · 23/08/2010 10:43

10 days sounds slightly crazy to me. After 10 days of Mum (or Dad) being around for at least part of the time I would think that the child would start assuming that's part of the routine.

It also seems crazy that this is quite so dogmatic, with no real consideration for the fact that some children require more, and some children require less settling than others.

When my firstborn started his first nursery at 6 months, I was asked to leave on settling-day 2 as I couldn't stop crying. Blush. DS was already off and away playing. They were very sweet about it, agreed I could return after half an hour and in that time he'd done a painting and had a biscuit and there was no turning back for either of us!

LostArt · 23/08/2010 10:52

I don't think I was there for more than 10 minutes with my two, let alone ten days! i would have thought it would unsettling for the other children having lots of parents fussing around. i can't see how it would help your DC either.
What would happen if you disappeared after 20 minutes or so?

Anniegetyourgun · 23/08/2010 11:56

Your child did a painting and ate a biscuit at six months, WurzelBoot? Now there's a prodigy!

Confused
PYT · 23/08/2010 11:56

10 days settling in is epi and unnecessary. My DS's nursery was like this and frankly, I wouldn't do it again. I'd just say 'I can't do it, so how we are going to work out an acceptbale alternative?'.

DD's new nursery asks you to come in for a morning, then an hour the following day, then bye bye on the third day. That's reasonable.

Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 15:11

Called the council, and then the preschool. Was firm but friendly with both and just said it is not possible so we need to fix something else.

The council were great about it and said if the school were still inflexible they would get a rollicking from on high. Called the school back and the head was still pita, but got through to the class teacher in the end and he said if DD was fine on Wed and Thurs then she could go as normal from Friday.

Sense prevails.

Many thanks for the posts. Felt much better ringing and insisting knowing I wasn't the only one thinking it was all quite unnecessary!

Have mentioned about timings, information flow and not being able to get in touch too. Have got the direct number to the class teacher now so hopefully that will bypass a lot of it.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 23/08/2010 19:06

Thank god for that!

What a load of utter bollocks!!

10 days of staying there will have all the kids thinking it's the way it's going to continue - the 11th day is going to be fun all around - might as well get it over and done with the first couple of days!

DomesticG0ddess · 23/08/2010 19:24

Glad you have sorted it out - hopefully your DD will be happy straight away. Sounds completely bizarre to me, and like they have a lot of bureaucracy too! DS's preschool has a "stay and play" morning beforehand which is not mandatory, and that's it, although parents are welcome to hang round whenever they like. We missed the stay and play, and I think I hung around for 30 mins on his first day, and he clearly was not bothered about me being there or not. 10 days for all the parents to be there sounds completely chaotic and not very settling.

Original poster
squigglywig · 23/08/2010 19:25

Was tempted to print off thread if nothing else worked.

Think the Head thinks I'm terribly British, no-nonsense, stiff-upper-lip type now. Am not at all. Just think it was all a bit mental. She kept saying things like "this is how we do it here in Sweden" etc. though.

Ah well. They will look after DD well. That's all the really matters about. The rest is just rant-fodder.

OP posts: