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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to start Mat leave earlier because I cant stand work

32 replies

Mammie81 · 22/08/2010 22:09

I know I am. I have 12 looooooong weeks left. I'll lose out on time with the baby at the end (although I get about 3 or 4 weeks holiday accrued so I can use that at the end), but I just cant stand it there at the moment.

I cant be bothered with the commute into London every day, and there are a few management/team issues which wont change. I have been particularly grumpy of late about work, but I think thats because had I not got pregnant I would have looked to leave anyway. I wasnt feeling it before! Been there about 5 years and its not the same anymore.

At the moment Im finishing 4 weeks before the due date, but I've always felt he'd be a week early and 2 weeks of that is holiday anyway.

Would 1 or 2 more weeks off before make me any happier? I think probably not? And yet I hate going in! What to do, what to do...

ps
Im fully aware Im moany and whingey and probably unreasonable about this!

OP posts:

whatnolooroll · 22/08/2010 22:14

I left work at 34 weeks for equally poor reasons, I wasn't getting on with my boss, was annoyed with the way the workload was panning out, was uncomfortable and generally miserable all the time.

DS was 2 weeks early but if he'd been 2 weeks late I would have felt a bit ridiculous having all that time off beforehand. Also in total I had about 14 months mat leave so was still at home until DS was over a year.

Maybe see if you can stick it out a bit longer? I do understand how you're feeling though!

Original poster

Mammie81 · 22/08/2010 22:21

Logically I know thats what I should do. And if he does come late (which I am desperate to avoid as his birthday could be christmas week if hes too late!) then its true, I'll just be sat at home. And of course I know I'll regret it at the end!

Argh... its being compounded by sunday night blues, Im sure.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 22/08/2010 22:23

You will definitely regret it at the end!

Meglet · 22/08/2010 22:25

Can you use up some annual leave now and just work 3/4 days a week and start winding down. That way you're on the home stretch and still have maternity leave to take in a month or so.

I started at 34 weeks with my first DC, he arrived at 37 weeks. And at 30 weeks with my second DC, but I had a long commute and had had it by that point.

AllSheepareWhite · 22/08/2010 22:26

It is horrible to be in a job you hate, but take it from me after your baby is born you will wish you had as much time with them as possible (went PT myself at 7 months and am going FT in two weeks when DD will be 14 months). Just try to keep your head down for the next 8 weeks, clear your in tray or whatever work you need to do, go out of office/workplace on your breaks to get away from the politics/work colleagues and think about what you might miss if you had to go back to work 8 weeks early. At lot can happen in your baby's life in 8 weeks and it will always be best for them if you are with them as long as possible after the birth. Commuting is difficult when tired and pregnant, can you negotiate to come in slightly earlier/later or leave ealier/later to avoid the worst of the rush hour commuting issues?

whatnolooroll · 22/08/2010 22:28

Maybe take a couple of days sick and see how you feel afterwards? A break would probably do you good.

purplearmadillo · 22/08/2010 22:30

I started my second mat leave early because work was horrific. It was very very busy and it became apparent that my boss would not protect me from unrealistic client expectations. I remember my midwife telling me that I was a mother to my baby before he was born too and that I was looking after him by not working too hard while pregnant too.

I was lucky though, I didn't end up cutting back on my mat leave after DS was born either - I planned to take 6 months after he was born and actually managed to take 7, although I am still playing for it now!!

Original poster

Mammie81 · 22/08/2010 22:33

I thought about taking some holiday to make it part time, but I only had 10 days left and thought it probably best to take them immediately before my mat leave so my leaving date was sooner.

I think the commute will get me down more and more, Id originally planned to go at 37 weeks but everyone told me I was never going to manage! (My first so Ive got no idea what the last month will be like!)

I can change my mind once I give in my formal letter of notification, right?

OP posts:

llareggub · 22/08/2010 22:36

I started my 2nd maternity leave at 29 weeks for the same reason and it was the best thing I could have done. Due to the timing of my pregnancy, I was able to tag my accrued annual leave onto the end of my maternity leave so ended up with the best part of 13 months off work.

I really enjoyed the additional time on my own with my older child, and by the time my baby was born I'd got used to being at home and not working. I felt very relaxed!

I did everything possible to work as long as I could with my first pregnancy and ended up only taking 5 months off anyway, as I found I needed to go back to work.

If you want to finish early, go for it. You can always extend your maternity leave with unpaid parental leave.

whatnolooroll · 22/08/2010 22:37

IIRC you only have to give reasonable notice if you want to change. Not sure what qualifies as reasonable though

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/08/2010 22:39

There is an advantage to going early - you can take 4 weeks parental leave before dc's birthday and 4 weeks after. Yes it's unpaid but at least you won't be in crappy job and you continue to acrue holiday pay, pension etc. Let me know if you want links to the eligibilty criteria.

Yanbu

Original poster

Mammie81 · 22/08/2010 22:45

Can I really take unpaid leave at the end and still be deemed on 'maternity leave'?

Wow! I didnt actually know that! (My boss/HR dept arent exactly up on this stuff either, Boss thought I had to make my time up for midwife/scan appointments...)

OP posts:

Summerbird73 · 22/08/2010 22:47

i went off at 30 weeks for the exact same reason

i was going to go off at 35 weeks but because i was so stressed i had a panic attack at work and my GP signed me off for 3 weeks - i then just brought my mat leave forward 2 weeks. in the grand scheme of things it worked out fine when i went back.

my bitchy colleagues still havent forgiven me for it but i got moved onto a different team when i went back - everything is peachy now!

i can honestly say it was the best thing i did and would do it again if we have a DC2 (hopefully without the stress). get lots of DVDs in and head down to the library and costa coffee! Bliss x

ps - i also wouldnt worry if you do take sick leave - legally they cant touch you

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/08/2010 22:54

You won't be on "maternity leave" you'll be on "parental leave" but still off.

You can take up to 13 weeks in the first 5 years of your child's life with a max of 4 weeks per year. And they have to agree it unless there's a business reason why it's not possible and even then they must give it to you later (it's v unlikely they'll have a reason as you'll have been out of the business for a year).

You have a responsibilty to know your rights because so many companies are poor at dealing with maternity leave and returning to work. Looks like your on top of that tho - make time up for mw apts indeed!

The nct & working families have done a brilliant guide -I will try to link but I'm a Luddite on an iPhone so it's a struggle. I'll also get the parental leave stuff from direct gov if I can

dobbyssocks · 22/08/2010 22:55

I took mine 7 weeks before, job was fine but I'd had enough of the commute and was ready to sit on my ass and indulge! Enjoyed every minute of it, getting the baby stuff ready, having lunch/coffee with friends who were already off and with family like my grandma who I didn't get to see much while I was working, watching dvd's, reading books and generally relaxing. Knew it would be the last time I would get to come and go as I pleased for a very long time and am so glad I did it

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/08/2010 23:00

Nct guide (ignore that it's called returning to work - it starts from conception) here

Parental leave details

Original poster

Mammie81 · 22/08/2010 23:01

Thanks Manic Mummy, that would work out brilliantly - I'd be due back mid Dec 2011, so of course I cant see why they'd refuse me coming back after xmas/new year.

It would only be another 2 weeks unpaid, whats the harm in that! Thanks all, I can iron my workclothes with a smile on my face tonight!

OP posts:

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/08/2010 23:06

My absolute pleasure Mammie! Particularly as I have been the target of some ire this evening... undeserved I might add so that's cheered me right up

Floopy21 · 23/08/2010 09:19

Glad you feel more positive about it Mammie. I know exactly how you feel (although I've got the best part of four months to go!). I've got a mantra of 'just four months, just four months to go' to try & get me through it - that & a few sick days

P.S. Bank holiday soon x

Summerbird73 · 23/08/2010 13:14

well done Mammie - i had the remaining 2 weeks off unpaid at the end and it wasnt too bad (as i had been used to being paid SMP for so long anyway)

enjoy - how much better do you feel now

lauzb · 23/08/2010 13:26

If it makes you feel any better, we planned this baby when we did because my manager was, to put it bluntly, a Grade A bitch, and I was soooo miserable at work. HR weren't doing anything about it, so me and OH thought we would bring forward the babymaking, so I didn't have to endure the hellhole for too much longer!

I left at 32 weeks to go on mat leave for the same reasons, although I know that I probably won't go back there, so the whole having more time when the baby comes bit is not likely to apply in my case

So, no, I don't think YABU

onadietcokebreak · 23/08/2010 13:30

Dont do it!

I was persuaded to finish work early by a bullying manager- God how I wanted those extra weeks at the end of mat leave!

Are you able to go to antenatal yoga or anthing to make working week shorter? If then midwife recommends it then work have to give you the time off.

Alternatively use some leave to take odd days off. I know the commute is horrible- could you do some home working?

thisismyname · 23/08/2010 13:32

YANBU, I went on my last maternity at 32 weeks - long days, twat of a boss, reorganisation and reapplying for jobs etcc all becoming a pita and my 1st was 2 weeks early and i missed out on a lounge about. As it was my ds was 2 weeks late (typical) but i am so happy i did and enjoyed the 10 weeks of relaxing.

Pandsbear · 23/08/2010 15:01

My consultant said that maternity leave is for 'baby AND mother'. If you can't bear it then yes start your maternity leave early (I did at 30 weeks with twins). Good luck!

cyteen · 23/08/2010 15:11

YANBU. Think I left work at around 31 weeks, although five weeks of that was holiday time (still not sure how they worked that out - is a p/t role - but I'm not complaining!) God I hated work so much at the time, so much that I didn't even have a leaving do, just slunk out the door and waddled away. It was fantastic spending an extra couple of months lazing around doing very little and I felt very well rested by the time DS was born.

He's nearly two now and if it makes you feel any better, I love my job - since going back after mat leave it has been brilliant.

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