to expect profuse gratitude from dh?

[Lyds3]

My ds is 2 and my dd is 11 weeks. In the last several months, my dh has been to lots of parties/ events which i haven't been able to come to due to baby duties. These include a stag weekend, a boozy overnight camping bbq, two weddings (i have come along for the day but gone home at 6 to put children to bed while he stayed till the end), and work night out.

I don't actually mind missing these things, and would rather be with my children (esp at the moment when dd is so little) than out all night, but i still feel that my dh should be showering me with gratitude for stepping in to allow him to go out and have lots of fun! Instead, he usually comes home, moans about being tired/hungover/ill and lies around on the sofa for the rest of the day to 'recover'. This is somewhat annoying!

I know that i probably am being unreasonable, and should relax about it, but sometimes a little moan does the world of good!

Yanbu.

But Yabu if you haven't said something to him about it.

He doesn't see the baby as his. The baby is your baby, and he is the father. That's why he isn't grateful, he doesn't realise he has anything to be grateful for.

My ex fucked off for the day 2 days after I got out of hospital. he didn't understand that when you have a tiny baby, to leave it with someone is to take away their choices for the day.

YANBU. We have DD1 AGE 2.4 and DD2 9 weeks - I don't mind DH going out sometimes and having a lie-in the next day, BUT he will then usually take DD1 out for the afternoon and cook dinner etc to make up for it.

Don't have a go at him as that won't work just say something like 'right- i thought you'd like to take DS out to the park today to make up for not seeing him last night and give me a break..thanks!' Or plan in advance that if he goes out, in return you expect him to do XYZ... works for us.

YANBU, but does he actually realise how much hard work looking after two kids (especially when one is a little baby) is? Can you find an excuse to bugger off for a few hours (go shopping, get a haircut or just chill in a cafe somewhere), and leave him to do the childcare? Maybe he'd be more appreciative then.

I think that you should fall ill. Have terrible migraine, be fit for nothing but laying down in a darkened bedroom with a cup of tea and sneakliy watch dvd's all day.

I got almost constantly ill for around three months, if it wasn't one thing it was another. It made me realise that to a certain extent dd doesn't care who makes tea, does bathtime, plays or takes her to nursery - dh is more than capable of coping without me. She did miss me though.

By the time I had got better I didn't feel guilty if I didn't do every single job - if i want to put my feet up and let dh do it, I will.

We often see these things as being, really, our job. Deep down. So the male partners in our lives pick up on that, and they end up thinking that it's all our job too. Wankers

Go out. Go around town window shopping. Go to a friends. Arrange pointless nights out. Don't, whatever you do, just Carry On As Normal, as then you will have a hell of a battle on your hands when you do decide that complete selflessness is not the way to go.

YANBU but I think the chances of you getting said gratitude are slim unfortunately

Thank you for all your messages! We have now agreed that next Saturday i am going to have a manicure in the morning and dh is taking ds swimming for the afternoon. Hooray!

PS turns out dh has a temperature of 38, and that what i have been referring to as a 'hangover' all day might be a genuine ailment. Oops!