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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mildly peeved at being left holding the baby?

17 replies

MsPitstop · 22/08/2010 01:53

So, Friday night poker night has moved to Saturday.

For those of you luckly ladies who don't know what Friday night Poker Night is, basically its when a bunch of 40 year olds get together and play poker while their wives stay at home and look after the children, or if they are really lucky get to host poker night and cook and clean up afer the poker players.

I moved to this town to be with DH and just got married 3 months ago and most of the people I know are his friends who all seem to think Friday Poker Night is perfectly normal. The couples I know tend to spend their weekends together, with shared friends and have the odd night out with their own friends if feeling the need for some space - not naff off out every bloomin Friday and leave the other at home like Cinders. I am sure this won't be every weekend but this is the second weekend in a row, bearing in mind that I work full time and so hardly get to see new DH. Is it not normal in this day and age to want to do things with ones nice shiny new wife?

To add insult to injury I am left here at home with not only our own baby but also my darling SD, who is lovely but 3 and hard work (and the reason I am currently awake!). DH informed me today that as we only see her one weekend day it has to be good quality time - oh yes, I'd like to see what sort of good quality time he is going to be spending with her at 7am tomorrow morning.

I am sitting here wondering what the hell happened to my oven as storage, cocktails at dawn etc. life. Grrr.

OP posts:

muggglewump · 22/08/2010 02:04

Well, he's being a knobber.

Do you get any time for yourself, any nights out?

Have you asked for them, no, not asked, said you were going out?

Tortington · 22/08/2010 02:06

sp when do you fuck off out and get pissed/ whatever non drunk peoplee do socially?

you really shouldn't complain if you haven't got an alternative.

cupcakesandbunting · 22/08/2010 03:08

Get your own regular night out with your friends.

He's married to you, not hinged to you. You can have social lives that don't include the other person in a marriage, but if you don't have one then you will probably feel a bit resentful.

sanielle · 22/08/2010 05:10

EVeryone is entitled to a social life, but if weekends are your only time together it is not ok for EVERY friday to be poker night. YANBU

KittyLilith · 22/08/2010 09:48

Our lot do Friday night poker, the DPs all go to one house and play poker and us girls go to another to drink wine and gossip :). The various DCs have sleepovers at one or another of the houses. Could you not organise something along those lines?

mrswoodentop · 22/08/2010 09:53

If he only sees her one night a week then he should be with her ,much as I am sure you love her access is fir him to spend time with her not use you as a substitute

fedupofnamechanging · 22/08/2010 09:54

I do not think it is acceptable to leave you with your baby and SD. His child, he should be home helping to look after her. It's not your job. I too would be feeling put out by this. I certainly wouldn't host Poker night. If my DH wanted to do this, he could make his own arrangements wrt food and clearing up.

Vallhala · 22/08/2010 10:52

What Karma said, with knobs on.

No way would I look after my husband's child whilst he went out for the night and no way would I play wifey and host a Poker night.

He wants to go out, fine. He finds childcare for the child who is not mine, ensures that I am free to look after our own and does his own cooking/serving drinks/clearing up.

Starbuck999 · 22/08/2010 10:53

See I think Friday night poker sounds like a great idea, especially the way Kitty has it all set up - wine, takeaways and gossip for the girlies, or take it it turns to babysit and the girls go down the pub to whilst the fellas play poker.

I think one night a week or fortnight is ok for each partner to go out seperately - you work full time but surely you have the weeknights free to see each other? Or the other weekend night?

I would be a little annoyed at having his SD there the one night he's out though - If that's going to be a regular thing, it's not on. He should be there to spend time with her if she's only there once a week.

colditz · 22/08/2010 10:55

I would look after my husband's cild while he went out for the night, I would even play host to other poker nights - I would not be clearing up. I would not be getting up in the morning. And I would do all these things for him in good humour with the clear knowledge that I would not be getting out of bed until mid-day, and neither would I be getting up to a mess.

And if these things did NOT happen in this way, they would not happen at all.

Starbuck999 · 22/08/2010 10:56

Oh and I'd like to host a poker night, it's lovely having people round, drinks, food etc.

Starbuck999 · 22/08/2010 11:04

Oh I didn't mean i wouldn't look after why partners child (my partner looks after "my" child when I go out sometimes) I meant if she's only there one night a week he should be there for time with her, not becasue OP should have to "babysit" a child that's not biologically hers. In general, I agree with Colditz post!

Isawthreeships · 22/08/2010 11:11

OK, so first off, I find the whole 'boys play poker, girls at home/down the pub' thing a bit weird. Most couples I know tend to go out together or in mixed-sex groups. But, each to their own.

MsPitstop - I'm a bit confused on timings You say DH is new but you have a baby so have he been a DP for some time? Also, is the friday night thing a new institution or something that has been going on for years? If for years then YAB a bit U to kick up a fuss now just on account of having a ring on your finger.

Having said that, 1) I can't think of any reason why it would be acceptable for your DH to leave his DD (your DSD) when she only comes over one night a week. And 2) the goalposts do change when you have a baby.

Why not suggest to your DH that a) your DH moves his night out to a night when your DSD isn't there (or the other way round IYSWIM) and b) that in future you take it in turns to go out for a night. Even if you don't have friends to go out with every fortnight (massive assumption here - sorry), you could always treat yourself to a trip to the cinema or the gym or whatever else floats your boat.

Isawthreeships · 22/08/2010 11:11

Oops, sorry, didn't mean to write an essay.

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/08/2010 11:11

I would be happy with the arrangement in the op once a month maybe.

Every week is taking the piss IMO.

IsabellaSwan · 22/08/2010 12:12

Why don't the women ever get invited to play poker? Why is there this assumption that they will either stay home 50s housewife stylee, or that they will have some dreadful "girls night in" alternative?

And yes, going out separately is fine (so long as you both get to go out sometimes and you still get time together as a couple) but to go out when the SD is at home is IMO not on. What is the point of her visiting you if her dad is going to piss off as soon as she arrives?

Have to admit that if I were in your shoes I'd be hosting the poker evening and joining in!

RandyRussian · 22/08/2010 12:13

FWIW I don't think that folks having one evening a week to do their own thing is unreasonable - as long as you have it as well obviously.

Don't know how old you are or if you've been married long but trust me even if you don't like it right now in a few years time you'll be grateful to be shot of him for an evening.

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