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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lose it after 3 weeks back at work?

19 replies

MsPitstop · 21/08/2010 22:01

Hello ladies,

Possibly just need someone to tell me to pull myself together and stop being such a spoiled cow but am seriously losing it...

Have agreed with work that if I get in for 8 I can leave at 4, reasoning behind this being that I have 1 hour trip to work, either leave baby at nursery at 9 and get home for 6.30 when baby asleep (I know, very lucky she is a great sleeper) but have decided would rather hubby take her to work and I get home in time to have a bit of time with her and put her to bed. This is shaky as trains late etc. so really maximum I see her is an hour and half a day which is frankly rubbish.

Also have step daughter on Sundays who is 3 1/2 and demanding so really only get Saturdays with baby. Average weekday evening is get back having missed pick up at nursery because train late/couldn't get away, feed baby, feed dogs, put wash on, put baby to bed, make supper, clear supper, collapse (not fair as hubby usually makes supper but is always epic affair requiring massive clear up). Anyway, am knackered and fed up.

Lost it today, cried, fed up and feel am doing pointless nine to five for job I don't like and missing out on bringing up my daughter.

I have a lovely house, lovely husband, lovely dogs and two lovely daughters and feel I should just get a grip but today its all just too much.

Bit wet aren't I?

OP posts:

Meglet · 21/08/2010 22:04

Are you working full time? And if so can you take it down to 4 days.

You're not wet. I have to work and it's bloody hard going, and I'm only part time.

Dillie · 21/08/2010 22:05

yanbu

I went part time when I had my DD. Financially it hurt alot, but it is so worth it!

Can you do a similar thing? Work/life balance is so important. There is no point stressing yourself out.

Could you afford to go part time? or only do certain days?

Amapoleon · 21/08/2010 22:07

You are not wet, i remember feeling how you did. Is there anyway you can have flexi or part time or even work from home?

Spacehopper5 · 21/08/2010 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BikeRunSki · 21/08/2010 22:09

Or 4 days over 5 ? That would give you more timefor travelling? Can yo afford to cut down your hours - that might make you feel happier and give you more time with DD.

You are not being wet. your are adjusting to a new routine and being away from your DD. It sounds like a heck of a day you've got there though!

QueenSconetta · 21/08/2010 22:11

YANBU

I went back to work this week, and although I'm managing to take Friday's off I feel like I'm hardly seeing her.

Hopefully we'll all get more used to it.

QS, x.

compo · 21/08/2010 22:11

Can you afford to reduce your hours?
If not can you afford a cleaner, a dog walker maybe?
Give yourself a break, working fulltime is hard and you're getting used to a whole new routine

Original poster

MsPitstop · 21/08/2010 22:12

Thanks ladies, was really feeling like a spoiled brat. But actually, it is rubbish and it is not fair for me or baby and think I will just tell work that its four days or nowt.

No more new shoes for me - would rather clean up poo - does that make me very strange? If you had shown me that statement a year ago I would have had myself committed!

OP posts:

compo · 21/08/2010 22:13

My friend went back fulltime but to soften the blow she took every Friday off as annual leave until Xmas just to get settled back into the swing of things

Original poster

MsPitstop · 21/08/2010 22:14

Friday as annual leave not a bad idea at all... think it might p them off after a while but talk about working the system!

OP posts:

LucyHoneychurch · 21/08/2010 22:55

I have Fridays off. Use parental leave and annual leave to do it. Am lucky to work for very understanding organisation. Well well worth it.

BikeRunSki · 22/08/2010 12:11

I went back nearly a year ago and do three days a week. We struggle some momnths, but we get by, although we won't be going on any exotice holidays for sometime. But I qas 37 when i had DS, and I just couldn;t see the point of waiting all that time, then putting him in full time day care. 3 days a week at work gives me enough time to do a good job, and enough time at home to be a good mum to DS. I never really feel that I am struggling too much with either.

zippy539 · 22/08/2010 12:18

The sentence that sprang out at me from your post was 'doing pointless nine to five for job I don't like'.

What is the ££ difference between your wages and the nursery fees? How much money would you lose in real terms if you left your job (and maybe tried to find something part-time closer to home - if you don't want to/can't be a sahm for a bit).

If the financial drop wasn't enormous (or was something you could budget for) AND the job isn't one that you remotely enjoy then, if I was you, I'd look at biting the bullet and leaving. That might seem like bad advice during a recession but your daily life sounds like a nightmare at the minute. I'm not sure that dropping to four days is going to make a huge difference tbh.

huffythethreadslayer · 22/08/2010 12:34

I went back 3 days a week and the week was split so it was a nightmare. I ended up having counselling because I felt like I was being a crap mom, a crap employee and everything was going pear shaped.

Once I'd sorted out a 3 day week that was fluid, it worked great. The balance was perfect. I got paid just enough to cover my childcare costs, which wasn't perfect, but did a job.

Then when dd started school and I had my 4th miscarriage, I gave up work! The thought of the change in childcare arrangements was nightmarish and once I'd worked out how much I earned vs how much being at home cost, I wasn't much worse off being at home. And it meant I could be there when dd was poorly or when she fell and hurt her hip and when she had a toilet accident in reception.

Now she's 9 and I'm working at her school, which is great for me and she loves it too.

If someone had told me this is where I'd end up I've have laughed hysterically. I was a career girl through and through. Now, I'm studying and retraining and looking forward to a new career.

Do what works best for your family....

EveWasFramed72 · 22/08/2010 12:36

YADEFNBU!! I wouldn't have been able to do what you're doing when my babies were so small...it's really crap. I agree with other posters; if you can go part time, do it...better still, if you can figure out how to stay home, and you feel like that would work for you, definitely do it!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 22/08/2010 12:48

MsPitstop - I really do sympathise, I went back to work when DS was 9mo, worked 8:30am - 4.30pm, very stressful job. Yes the money was very good, but missed ds so much :(
Also had a similar commute by car, used to dread it when the news came on saying there been a big accident on my route to work.

My work refused to let me reduce my days (operational requirements) in the end I packed my job, the money wasn't worth the extra stess. I now work from home, which is sooooo much better! There are lots of things you can do from home, is this something you would consider doing?

blueshoes · 22/08/2010 12:50

See if you can go pt first (make a flexible working application).

If that is refused, then see if you can change jobs so it is pt or at least nearer to your home so your commute is reduced.

Don't quit before you got a new job unless you prepared to give it up for a long time and not get back on at the same level, need to retrain and start from scratch etc.

Give all this a go before quitting. Think carefully before quitting. You may never have a second chance to come back in this economy. Please do make a decision in haste and frustration. The effects could be permanent. But of course, if you are happy with that and finances can cope, that is also an option.

Alternatively, can you tell the nursery to ensure your dd gets more naps during the day so she goes to bed later than 6:30? Depending on how old she is and timing of naps, she could go to bed as late as 10 pm if you managed it that way. She will also sleep later and later - she will not be a baby forever. My dcs 6 and 3, no naps, sleep at 8:30 everyday. I work ft, home at 6:30pm and feel I have enough time with them. This stage is not forever.

SleepingLion · 22/08/2010 12:57

I went back part-time, worked mornings until 1pm five days a week, picked up DS from nursery, brought him home, put him down for afternoon nap, watched him sleeping... You get the picture - nursery were full of all the lovely little things he'd done: I got to watch him sleep, exhausted by how busy he'd been in the morning!

Got told off for taking time off to look after him when he got gastroenteritis. Resigned. Best decision ever

onimolap · 22/08/2010 13:17

YADNBU.

You cannot possibly tell how being back at work will pan out until you are actually doing it.

A couple of further points to consider are:

a) is the comparative rigidity of a nursery and its regimes supporting your current work pattern or adding to your stress? Might a childminder or shared nanny arrangement work better?

b) if you cannot reduce number is days, or work partly from home, can you afford to give up work? Not just the immediate balance with the cost of current childcare, but also the security of two incomes should either of you work in an area where downsizing/redundancies are likely? And if you step off your career ladder now, will you be able to step back on? Does that matter to you?

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