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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really not be bothered about seeing my once best friend never again?

12 replies

MummikinsOopNorth · 21/08/2010 12:18

I met my best friend at the beginning of secondary school and we were the absolute best of friends. We spent almost every waking moment together that we could and I really enjoyed her company back then. It was so much fun.

I then moved away after school and I haven't seen this girl for almost 10 years. About 2 or 3 years ago we got back in contact via Facebook and send messages to and fro, but have never met up.

I have changed a lot in these 10 years. I have put on loads of weight, dress quite frumpily, but I do have a good job to show for myself, a lovely home, although small and in a not-so-nice area, but it's still my lovely home, and I feel i've achieved an excellent education post-school.

For the past year or so, this girl has been mithering and mithering me to meet up with her and get back to where we were 10 years ago. For many reasons, I have put this off. On facebook, she is constantly bragging about herself, she has made herself clear to be a racist, she posts pictures of her in revealing outfits and her bikini, with comments from herself saying things like "wow, I look amazing here" and is always fishing for compliments. Also, she is one of these people who are always writing things like "Ohhh, I just hate it when this happens", making people think 'what has happened' and she is basically just an attention seeker.

She was a bit like this when we were teenagers, but I could put up with it then. I'm not sure I want to be friends with someone like that now. Far too high maintenance! Plus, I am also insecure about myself. I used to be quite pretty and outgoing, always the joker and always a chatterbox, and I had an amazing figure at school, thought through teenage insecurities, thought I was hideous back then! Now i'm fat, frumpy and never have anything interesting to say. I really have no friends at all, and because of everything that is wrong with me, i'm happy not to have them, and happy not to meet up with thos girl again.

What do you all think I should do?

Thanks

OP posts:
hackingandhewing · 21/08/2010 12:29

I'd stay away. It sounds like you are happy in your life. Why invite someone in who is going to make you feel, at best, irritated, at worst, bad about yourself.

lurcherlover · 21/08/2010 12:31

I don't think you should meet up with her. But I do think you should address your insecurities about yourself. Saying "I'm fat, frumpy and never have anything interesting to say" is not a healthy way to think of yourself. Nor is being happy not to have friends because there is something "wrong" with you. These are issues you need to work through, possibly with a counsellor.

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2010 12:31

really, it doesn't sound like you're happy in your life to me!

OP, yanbu to not want to bother with this girl, however please do something to put right:

"i'm fat, frumpy and never have anything interesting to say. I really have no friends at all, and because of everything that is wrong with me, i'm happy not to have them"

I bet that's not the case!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/08/2010 12:33

YABU to not want to meet up because you've put on weight (although I feel your pain - one of the big pushes that's helped me focus on my ongoing weight loss is a reunion I have coming up).

YADNBU to not want to meet up with a narcisistic bigot though.

piratecat · 21/08/2010 12:34

well there is no need to be freinds then. I am a bit surprised that you say you have no friends though, that seems very sad.

Do you think that this friend reminds you too much of all your insecurites? If she does, then not all potential friends would make you feel this way.

SkiHorseWonAWean · 21/08/2010 12:41

Is it possible beyond all your self-esteem issues that this girl remembers you very fondly and genuinely would love to meet up with you? Sounds to me as though she's just as insecure - simply expresses it differently.

MummikinsOopNorth · 21/08/2010 12:43

Thanks for your replies.

I did have one friend who I was really close to, but she passed away a few years ago very unexpectedly. I find it hard to let people close to me now. My friend who died was wonderful. She never once judged me for my weight, for anything at all.

OP posts:
MummikinsOopNorth · 21/08/2010 12:44

I've got to pop to work now, but thanks all for your replies. Some great advice there, as always Smile

OP posts:
DetectivePotato · 21/08/2010 18:52

You don't actually sound that happy and sound as if you are very insecure which is why you don't want to meet up.

YANBU though. I loved my best mate at school, even though she was a user and treated me like shit sometimes. I stopped speaking to her after a group holiday when we were 18.

We got back in touch via FB a few years ago and she has proved that she hasn't changed a bit. She invited me to her wedding reception recently but I have made up an excuse. She couldn't be bothered to come and see me when I had DS, even though she knew we had major fertility problems. I've seen her 3 times in 3 years and one of them was when she finally came to my new house, even though she works a mile up the road, stood texting for an hour then suddenly announced she was being picked up, after we had already arranged I ws giving her a lift. This was over a year ago and I haven't seen her since.

Feelingsensitive · 21/08/2010 19:21

Do you really need this person in your life?

Probably not seeing as you have managed perfectly well without her so far.

poshwellies · 21/08/2010 19:31

once best friend,says it all! You aren't friends anymore,delete and move on.

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 21/08/2010 19:41

YANBU. Life is much too short to be spending it with people you don't really like.

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