in not wanting my kids to go to Uni or even college...

[TotorosOcarina]

if they don't want to themselves?

Of course I would like them to want to achieve and aim high, I'm sure every parent does.

But its not something I 'know' is going to happen, I'm not saving up money to help them through further education (we don't have any!)

I've heard alot of talk of Uni lately and it was something I never, ever thought of doing myself, not even for 1 second!

So AIBU to not expect my kids to go if they don't express an interest in it?

As someone who really only went to uni to please my parents, I can understand where you're coming from.
I didn't like living in halls and moved out half way into first year and daily communted instead. I loved my degree and studying but it meant I could live at home and work in my local town to get money. I was the richest student I knew!

When it comes to it though, even though I have a BSc geography degree, I only used vaguely slightly in my job.
For me, lookingback, I think I would have had a more prosperous career had I had gone striaght from A-levels into a job for M & S/John Lewis and actually would have enjoyed it far more.

If your children are talented academically and want to achieve a career as a scientist/teacher/vet/doctor etc, then yes, they would have to go to uni but if they are happy to learn a trade and not go, then that's fine too.

I remember crying the night before I went to uni, telling my mum that I really didn't want to go. She said "me and your dad didn't get the opportuntiy to go and that is why you should go and make the most of it" I now think it was wrong of them to want me to live my life in a cewrtain way because they didn't have the same chance but they were doing what they thought was right for me. I would never tell them that though.

They impliued I'd be wasting my academic brain if I didn't go but tbh, I met DH in my final year and after uni, got a civil serice job near him so we could live together. Then got married and had children from age 24 so never really fulufilled my academic career.

Just because you didn't have the inclination to go, don't assume they won't though.

if you are wholly projecting your preferences onto dc,yes you are wrong.they need balanced,objective choices not a steadfast well i never did it...

hopefully at school and with peers they will focus on a range choices and oppurtunities.not just mum said

i did go to uni and loved it,but i lawys wanted to go.it was the plan. and i did have it all planned from @11yo

scottish, I'm not saying I would discourage it! If they wanted to I would support them 100%, but if they didn't I would support them 100% too, wheras alot of people I have spoken to lately seem to think they would push them towards college/uni rather than accepting that.

No-one in my family has ever completed college.

uni - yanbu

college - yab hugely u (unless they do some sort of training scheme etc instead of formal college)

level 3 qualifications are the new gcse's don't you know

is all about balance and allowing themnm to make informed choice.hopefully ask teachers,peer,make up own mind

exerting excessive parental pressure of any kind is risky

Erm scottish I just said I wouldn't push them either way

maybe parental experience guides hopes.i do hope my children to go to uni. i really do value uni and place lot of importance upon it. i wont compel buy yes i do have that concrete hope

If your kids dont have degrees, they will be at a disadvantage early in their working life.

There are armies of indians and chinese armed with degrees and a powerful work ethic, who are more than happy to take the jobs that normal leave-after-gcse students would have taken.

This isnt a rant against immigrants. Its just fact. 70% of all new jobs created in the UK go to foreign workers.

Its a global market and when your kids are of working age, they will have even more competition than graduates do now.

just make sure you dont send a subliminal not for likes of us message

"equip them to make their own decisions"

exactly. that's all we can really hope to do. my own kids are really young but I have three stepchildren. They have strengths in different areas, one in particular I think would be better suited to a more vocational path - and there's nothing wrong with that!

I guess I hope that if my children turn out academically bright, then yes I'd like them to get a degree (which doesn't have to be at uni - I turned down a place at York as we wanted to start a family - I'm doing an OU degree and therefore have no debt!) but the point is, all this 50% to uni thing is utterly ridiculous and it only serves to make young people think that they aren't worth anything if they don't have a degree. how stupid is that?

"I would love you to go to university, I believe you can do it and it's a wonderful opportunity, and helps in your career, however if you make the decision it's not for you I will support you" is what I plan to say to my DCs. I want them to go to university - I believe it's the right thing. I also think that some young adults need guidance with their decisions (I certainly did). I will support them if they choose not to, or aren't academic (too early to tell at the moment) but I'm not going to pretend I don't care either way - I want them to go.

"70% of all new jobs created in the UK go to foreign workers."

Really? I'd love to see where that stat came from :)

I can't deny I'd be happy if they got a degree BUT I would much rather they didn't get one at all, than get thousands of pounds in debt and waste 3 years getting a 'mickey mouse' degree just for the sake of getting a degree.

oh defintely
it's a difficult one
I remember my mum saying some time after I'd got my (third class) degree that she felt I should have done something vocational - a degree leading to something. I did think "well you could ahve told me that at the time" but if she had, I would have ignored her

Tough one, I didn't go to college / uni because I did an apprenticeship and my mum never ever pushed me, she always wanted me to be happy.

But in hindsight, I wish she had pushed me because I feel I missed out on a huge chunk of socialisation at college / uni :/

I think uni is so dumbed down now that it hardly counts.

I suppose if they want to go for the experience of getting up after midday, doing no work amassing a hideous over draught they will spend most of their lives paying off staying up until the small hours then they should go .
personally I think apprenticeships are a better way forward

I went to uni my bro didn't - he's got the more well paid job.

I was the first in my family to go to uni and we're a family of high achievers.

If my dc's want to go then we'll support them. If they want to do anything else, well we'll support them just as much.

Provided the choices they make are informed then I'll be happy as long as they are happy.

I'd rather my daughter went straight into work to be honest. I'd hate to see her spend 3 years of her life doing a degree, getting thousands of pounds into debt, only to turn up at an interview with the same degree as the other 20 people in the room and be at no advantage academically. It's no advantage these days really, although I suppose it depends on the actual degree subject. I have a friend who is £18k in debt now from Uni, and he is working the night shift at Tesco because the above situation happened to him.

Experience counts for a lot, and spending 3 years with your head in a book just doesn't give you it. I'd much rather hire somebody with 3 years of job experience than somebody who has spent 3 years putting off the real world studying for a degree.

I agree that going to university isn't necessarily the best career option but I also think there is a lot more to the experience than that.

My most valuable 'achievement' for me from university is the friends that I've made and I think the expericence broadens your horizons. I'm not saying that everyone who doesn't go to university will end up living in the same town for the rest of their lives but I do think its good for a young adult to move from home and meet a wider range of people who have had very different upbringings and aspirations.

Push, no - but I will definitely discuss uni as a likelihood as ds gets older.

I would have LOVED to go to university but in my family it was just regarded as something other people did - so of course none of us looked into it or thought of it as a viable option for us.

I will just work on the assumption that he will go to uni hopefully it will naturally follow. If he then decides he wants to do something different we'll deal with it as it happens.

I went to uni, my DH didn't. At the moment, he earns more money than I do, however, that will change the more experience I get in my career. Additionally, he will never be able to move from the company he's with without having to start at the bottom salary wise. That won't happen with me; I will be able to move within my profession and actually make more money the longer I stay in it. After this year, I won't have to start at the bottom salary again. Education is about mobility.

Oh...should say that I want my kids to do what they're good at. I will sing the praises of both situations, but in the end, I want better for them than what I had, and so does my husband (he is emaphatic that they go to uni).

I agree with garageflower - it's so much more than just a career option.

It's not the be-all and end all. I'm a mature study lovign what I am doing, with a career at the end of it.

I went to uni first time round and never used my degree. though I had a agreat time.I would much prefer they went when they knew what they actually wanted to do with.