to not want my friends to be friends?

[OutOutLetItAllOut]

hi, i recently, about 9 months, ago, moved to a new area, ive spent time making new friends, and have 2 close mates now.
about a month ago we had a birthday bbq for my ds. to which my old mates came as well as new mates. (now old mates, no kids, not married, new mates, married with kids.) i like having the 2 sets of friends, as i have such different relationships with them, i like to keep it seperate.
i just found out yesterday that old friend and new friend, friends a and b, have now swapped numbers, are on eachothers facebook and chat and email quite reguarly.
i found out, cause i went out with new friend, and while out, old friend called, when i told her who i was out with and had a melt down that she not been invited, as apparently we are all part of the same group.
NO WE ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like having something in my life that is just for me. so the seperate groups of friends works really well.
i dont have to feel bad about going out with who i want, when i want.
now i feel like i have to go out with them all, and i dont want to!!
now am i being mental?
( be gentle.)

YANBU to want to go out with who you like but YABU to not want THEM to be friends with each other. They can be friends with whoever they like, same as you can.

agree with megatron YANBU to see one friend without the other, even if they were in the same "group" there is no reason why you would have to see them all at the same time. YABU to not want them to be friends at all, But I can see why this incident would make you feel that way.

YA both BU.

Your friends are entitled to make friends with whoever they like, you can't control their lives and you don't 'own' your friendships.

But, your old friend was BU to get upset that she was not invited on a night out. She can't dictate who you go out with (although, tbh, if you try to control who she makes friends with, don't be surprised if you are the one who gets edited out of the group).

You seem quite scared by the thought of your friends becoming friends. I think most people would be delighted if this happened to their friends. What is it that scares you?

you sound really possessive OP. its really juvenile IMO.

Oh dear. I don't wish to be rude but you do sound a bit self-obsessed.

You may well like having "something in life which is just for me" but that is pretty whimsical and it is totally unreasonable to think you have a right to control your friends social lives in order to satisfy your own whims.

I'd be delighted if I had friend A and friend B and then they made friends so we could all do stuff together.

I think your old friend is being a bit U to make a fuss about not being invited. She might feel a bit miffed privately but she ought to keep that to herself and respet your right to invite whom you like.

In a similar situation, my friend A met my friend B at a BBQ I held, and they have now become such fast friends that I don't get a look-in. I have literally become the outsider in their friendship even though I was the common friend (and I really liked them both, separately).

Bugger all I can do about it. They're adults and don't need my approval for their social life. I am extremely miffed, yes; but there is nothing (reasonable) I can say or do about the situation.

These things happen though unfortunately. I was discussing with my Mum how my main group of friends came to be just the other day and most of us are friends via people we no longer speak to (not regularly anyway) and some of those friends are now close friends with people they met through me/us.

It's strange really, but it's just how friendships evolve.

My sister gets annoyed if I speak to her friends or arrange to meet them (which is very very rare mind you - e.g. after they've had a baby, so reasonable enough I think!) although she is very close to a couple of my friends. While I can sort of understand the feeling of possession, you need to try and let it go or else you may find you lose them alot faster if you make a fuss as you wont come across very well.

I think that might be a bit of my worry, but the bigger issue is keeping my friendships going with both of them, if they are going to start complaining if i see one without the other. They have only known each other a month and its already caused a problem.

Why not arrange to see them both together then? Simple.

Er, how old are you all?

I think YABU to want to keep them separate, but I do sympathise to a certain extent..I have "introduced" loads of friends and it is lovely when they all get on, and like the poster above, I think it is great when A meets B and everyone hits it off. However there are times when it is just easier to see e.g. kiddie friend for quick coffee at the swings - I then wrap myself up in worrying should I have invited non-kiddie friend? Or would she rather die than go to the swings? etc etc all very ridiculous and in my own head!

I think your friends are being more U tbh!!

I was going to say YABU until I saw that your old friend went mad about you being out with the new friend.

YANBU, I feel the same sometimes. I have made new friends since going to toddler groups. I had 2 sets of friends that have now merged which some of I don't mind, but there is the odd one or 2 I would rather was a bit more separate as now I feel I have to invite everyone all the time when sometimes I would rather see a couple without the whole group.

You are being unreasonable yes. You can't control what other people do and who they make friends with - and, forgive me, but...after primary school most people don't even try to!

It sounds like you're worried that they will like one another better than they like you and cut you out. It's not unreasonable to feel that way, it is to expect them to not be friends just because you don't like it.

I have had a similar thing happen but I have reacted to it in a diferent way.
My best friend (friend A) moved away and then a few years later I relocated to a diferent part of the county, still very close friends with friend A. Friend B relocated to my current village a couple of years after me, we have become very close. We were both a good 100 miles from out best friends and talked about them a great deal, we found that we all a great deal alike. I introduced friend A to friend B, they get along great and now have a friendship of their own, friend B introduced me to her best friend (friend C), we get along great and now have a friendship. When either friend A or friend C travel to see one of us, we always will pop in or make arangements to also see us all as a group, we are all very happy with this, maybe it is diferent as there is a good distance so wouldn't work inviting everybody out for a drink as A and C would have to do a 200 mile round trip (in diferent directions) for the pleasure so there are not the direct conflicts although we all apriciate that you need diferent friends at diferent times for diferent things so even if we were all geographicly close I don't think it would change anything.
YABU to be so upset about them making friends with each other, try and embrace it for the nice thing it is however your friend should not be throughing a paddy about not being invited somewhere, very childish.

YABU but so is your friend for being weird about you seeing other friend.

If i call a friend and find she's with another friend my response is usually 'oh say hi from me' not a jealous strop.

I agree with what beertricks said as well.