in expecting dh to be around on the evening of ds1's GCSE reults

[mrswoodentop]

I'm not expecting him to take the day off or anything but ds1 is a bit stressed and was over exams (dh developed work crisis and was barely around for the whole month).Its a big time in their lives the first real test and he does have university ambitions ,I just assumed that unless ds had other plans which he doesn't we would have a family takeaway or something .At the very least i feel he should be around to congratulate support or comissorate (sorry can't spell today),dh on the other hand says its "just exam results" and he can't possibly make a commitment to be home on tuesday evening when he might have client work or apparently be flying to US.I know with some clients it would be unmissable but I know he could say to this client that he wasn't avaliable to fly until wed morning,he just will never prioritise home

YANBU.

However, I fully expect my two to be out on the razzle, pass or fail . Although I will be around, and frankly would not dream of being out, I am not expecting much actually conversation.

YANBU. Are you sure DS won't want to disappear off with his mates at the last minute though? I won't tell you how my GCSE results were celebrated at this juncture (don't want to worry you ) but I will say that my parents certainly weren't involved!!

I think the issue is that he doesn't put the family first ...ever. It is a bigger issue then you OH being there for exam results.

BTW is it Tuesday the results are out ?? My son only took one GCSE this year ...(third time lucky-hopefully) ...he needs this GCSE to get into Uni ...i think i am more stressed then he is.

YANBU to want him there, but I think YABslightlyU to expect him there. That said, if your son wants him there, that's another story. As nervewracking as GCSEs are at the time, if your son has uni ambitions, then the GCSEs aren't going to count for all that much, is it possible that your DH is going with this train of thought? If he was to pull this potential disappearing act in two years time when your DS is waiting for his A Level results, I think it would be worse.

But then as Manda said, if this is symptamatic of a larger family issue (which you imply), you may be able to use this occasion to have it out with your DH about other stuff as well.

It is symptomatic of a general issue,maybe ds will go out but it would stillbe nice if he could be at home to find out how he did etc.He will be the first to put the boot in if they are not so good.He never sees them in the morning so could be 36 hours before he sees him

YABU - there is simply too much going on in our lives for people to always be present at every single opportunity that important to you.

I agree it would be nice, you're completely right on that one. Would he be able to phone if he can't be there? It's entirely unacceptable for him to berate your DS for bad results in any instance btw.

My Parent's were in Australia when I took my GCSE's for a month long holiday I stayed at my Aunties house and were god knows where on another holiday when I went to school to get my results. Was a bit put out about them not being there when I took the exams but to be honest didn't even notice on exam results day as far too busy getting far too drunk for a 16 year old with all my friends! I don't think your DH necessarily needs to be there just a quick phone call will probably surfice.

As another mum waiting very nervously for GCSE results on Tuesday YANBU. Unfortunately both DH and I have to be at work during the day but expecting a phone call mid-morning and will be there with her after work.

Can understand your DH maybe has work commitments but agree with you it should be turned around to, will try to make it but have X and X going on so reasonable chance I can't.

My DD is very nervous about Tuesday, it is a big deal.

YANBU - and I know how you feel about all the client things and family not being prioritised.

Can you not stress to him how important it is for DS, and that DS wants him there?

Bafe, a single opportunety would be nice!Maybe I am extra sensitive in that my family were abroad/busy for all my results and exams and I wanted it to be different for my children.dh on the other hand always had his family there to support encourage At least he did by this age,in fact still does as we only live 5 mins from inlaws he still does .I suppose you don't appreciate what you've always had.
Ds will expect him not to be there and will interpret this as either that he dosn't care or that he doesn't expect him to do well (pessimist).
Maybe when he is old and grey and no one finds time to visit him because of there busy lives he willwish he had done things differently

Ah, that's different then, if he's never been present for any other important events and you've asked him to be present this one time and he's declined then YANBU.

YANBU. If it's important to your son it should be important to your DH.

Just re eread and I sound very bitter,I don't mean to but i do wish that he would be around more for them.Its interesting my parents were't around very much at all in my teenage years ,we are not close ,we love each other but I probably speak to them once every 3 weeks or so and see them about 3 times a year ,theres no animosity we are just not part of each others lives .My Mother once complained that i had not called when I had quite a nasty car accident ,it genuinely just did not occur to me .Interetsingly dh is very close to his parents who were very involved in his teenage years .I am sure the two things are related.

Ds won't admit that its important to him but he has a strained relationship with dh at the best of times and it will be quietly stored away in his memory and worried over ,but dh will say that if it doesn't matter enough for him to say anything then it can't be that important ....men.

My DS can't even be bothered collecting his (one) GCSE result from school.

As he says, he knows the result anyway as GCSEs are modular.