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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should control their chldren in the playground

26 replies

tholeon · 20/08/2010 12:25

I was in the playground this a.m. with DS, who is one. We brought a ball with us, he loves balls. Got it out and a bigger boy, age about 4, immediately came over. grabbed the ball from DS and said 'he can't play with it, it's mine'. I said yes he can, it's his ball, we can play with it together - keen to encourage sharing and all that. He said 'no it is just for grown up boys' and ran off with it. Don't feel very happy telling off other peoples children in the playground but didn't seem fair to DS just having his ball snatched away by a bigger child. Shouldn't the parent in charge have kept an eye and intervened? Guess am used to hanging out with kids DS's age where the parents keep a closer eye but still??

Small think in the great scheme of things of course but interested in people's opinions!

OP posts:
ben5 · 20/08/2010 12:26

i would of got the ball of the older boy and said he was no longer allowed to share

CwtchyBlueMama · 20/08/2010 12:27

YANBU My ds is 4 & i would not allow him to have done that,but saying that he has never taken anyone elses toy away from them like that.

Some parents cant be arsed.

SandSad · 20/08/2010 12:43

Personally I think that if a child is behaving badly and it is affecting you, then you should stop the behaviour if the carer or parent doesn't. You don't have to tell them off, just be nice, but firm.

Don't be too quick to assume the parent or carer can't be arsed, they might be distracted, caught up with another child, whatever. But if they aren't paying attention for whatever reason, then you are absolutely right to take charge of the situation.

knitpicker · 20/08/2010 12:55

A 4 year old child might seem old in comparison to your child however he/ she is still a baby. I would have intervened, like sandsad, nice but firm - you can share but not grab.

jelliebellie16 · 20/08/2010 13:03

I was in the park a few weeks ago with my DD (2.4) and another boy, aged around 4 came and whacked her with a stick. I was livid to say the least, and I definitly agree parents should watch their children more effectively.

My DD wouldn't dream of doing such a thing and in this particular instance his parents couldn't be arsed and were just sitting on a bench paying no attention whatsoever.

mamaloco · 20/08/2010 13:06

I have now learn that you should always say something when another child does something you wouldn't allow yours to do.
DD1 asked me about 2 and a bit why it was different for "that girl" and her.
Tell the child of, and take the ball back next time. At 4 he is a little boy with a lot of comprehension not baby btw.

mamaloco · 20/08/2010 13:06

sorry comprehension should read "understanding"

semicolon · 20/08/2010 13:07

I would have followed little boy and demanded it back.

But I am a grumpy old cow

Morloth · 20/08/2010 13:17

I would have taken the ball back. Be careful though, in a few years your little 1 year old will be the big boy all the mums of PFB babies are upset about.

semicolon · 20/08/2010 13:20

I don't think op is being PFB. I think the four-year-old should bloody well know not to take littler kids toys away from them.

BarmyArmy · 20/08/2010 13:24

YANBU at all. The other boy will grow up spoilt - there is nothing wrong with telling off other people's children either.

Some are little shts and need to be told off...or they become the wnkers of tomorrow!

AlgebraRocksMySocks · 20/08/2010 13:25

I was expecting this to be a PFB thread (older kids just running around or something) but in this instance no, YANBU! there's a big difference between letting your kids run riot (and actually, y'know, PLAY) and letting them behave horribly.

Effjay · 20/08/2010 13:26

I have a DS who is 4 and I would not allow him to do that. However, he's very energetic, zips about the place and I can't keep my eye on him and my DD, age 2, all the time. I don't think he would do this sort of thing, but you never know ...

In your situation, I would have taken the ball back with a firm 'No, it's not yours'.

ChippingIn · 20/08/2010 13:27

I would have taken the ball off of him as well and told him to go and play with his other big boy friends (after he said he didn't want to share - would have tried to get him to share first).

AlgebraRocksMySocks · 20/08/2010 13:30

I would be mortified if DD did anything like that. I'm one of those 'benign neglect' mums, I guess - she's 3.2 and in places like playgrounds, soft play etc she does whatever she wants - as long as it's not bad behaviour, in which case I'd intervene.

binjibaghi · 20/08/2010 13:31

just wondering how you knew his age - i work with children and am sometimes surprised at how their size differs at this age - maybe he was a big 21/2 - 3 year old ??

still would have retrieved ball what ever age though in a nice way as others have suggested

mamaloco · 20/08/2010 13:48

That too binji. DD1 was looking like a 4 yo at 2, huge difference in behavior though. Still I would have taken the ball back!

Original poster
tholeon · 20/08/2010 14:05

Hi - thanks guys. I guess I should've taken the ball back - we did eventually - I was just kind of waiting for whoever was in charge of him to do it! I just guessed around 4 - could've been younger as you suggest.

OP posts:
BlueFergie · 20/08/2010 14:21

Have no problem intervening at the payground if other children are not behaving. I wouldn't assume it is neglect though, when you have more than one with you it is a hard to keep an eye on them both all the time. If my DD did this I would have no problem another parent taking the ball off her.

PYT · 20/08/2010 14:24

YABU. Why couldn't you just have walked over to the boy, taken back the ball and told him off? Or explained the situation to the boy's parent? No need for fuss or even cross words, just firm, assertive adult behaviour.

swanandduck · 20/08/2010 14:31

I agree with PYT. He was a little boy. Just say 'no' and take it from him. It's part and parcel of bringing the children to the playground - other kids running up the slide when your's is waiting to slide down, trying to get on the swing out of turn etc. I wouldn't get worked up about it.

londonartemis · 20/08/2010 14:38

You would have been absolutely fine to take the ball from him.

However, I wouldn't be too quick in blaming the parent/minder of the assumed 4 year old for not intervening. As others have said, they could easily have been distracted, or glancing over could have thought the child was allowed the ball, or even that it belonged to a third child somewhere who was sharing it.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/08/2010 14:42

What Morloth says, and PYT too.

I do think YABU to expect parents to witness every move a DC makes.

OTOH I do remember being in similar situations - YANBU to be annoyed.

semicolon - of course the 4yo (assuming he is 4) should know not to take things from other DCs, but even the sweetest, most generous and generally delightful child can do things like this - even if it's just the once.

Aimed at nobody in particular, ime parents who claim their DCs would never commit so heinous a crime are often either blissfully ignorant or in denial.

letsblowthistacostand · 20/08/2010 15:06

I would have taken it back from him. My neighbor's DD1 is 2.9 but looks about 4 (is bigger than my 4yo!) and does stuff like that to my DD2 (2.1) all the time. "She can't have that because she's a BABY!!!" Funnily enough they will be in the same year at school.

I think kids that age are often trying to figure out where they and other children fit in, iyswim. Other parents don't always notice what their kids are doing (if it's not awful) so you do have to step in.

mumbar · 20/08/2010 15:16

YANBU and I know how you feel. I'm one of those parents who wouldn't want to say something either for fear of upsetting someone elses child and I have guilt now about not standing up for ds enough. He is 6 now btw.

Next time get the ball back and your dc will respect you for it.