to realise finally that after five years...

[sadladysparkles]

DH and I basically do not get on at all.

We have fuck all to say to each other.

Well, I have plenty of things to say. But having a conversation with him is like getting blood out of a stone. Monosyllabic answers till I give up. When he does converse, he's argumentative. Says he likes to challenge people by presenting an alternative view - actually just very draining and wearying and depressing.

I spend my days when he's at work talking to friends on the phone and feeling depressed that I just don't talk like that to DH.

You know those couples in restaurants that sit there not speaking? That's us. Not for want of trying from me.

Sad thing is, he totally comes to life around his family and friends. So I guess it's just me he finds boring - he's told me so on occasion.

The kind of person that refuses to acknowledge common ground, ever - eg

Me - Do you remember thatkids TV programme from when were young?

Him - Yeah (stares at road/TV/computer)

Him in my dreams - Oh yeah, wasn't it great, I remember that too!

We have a 7mo baby together and I don't want to break up for her sake but the thought of a lifetime of this! In retrospect I've always know that he wasn't the chattiest or easiest to get on with guy. It's just really beginning to get to me.

I see other couples chatting animatedly in cafes and walking down the street and just feel so sad that's never us.

On the rare occasion we do have a good conversation, it feels like such an achievement. Which can't be right, can it?

oh dear. :(

what got you together in the first place? there must be something that maybe you can reignite?

has this unchattiness got worse lately, is he depressed?

If he comes to life around family and friends, it doesn't sound as though he's depressed. It's usually obvious if someone's depressed but making a valiant effort to act as though they're not.

I don't like the sound of him, to be honest! I know what you mean about seeing other couples talking - to me, that's the best part of a relationship.

What was he like in the past? Did you know him long before you had a child together? Can you pinpoint the time it changed?

Oh and really sorry for saying this, but does he think you just talk about child-related things?

How often do you manage to get out together? Can you take up a common interest, a pub quiz, a choir, a running club - anything you can enjoy together and then chat about?

I am not a talkative person, sometimes I think DH wishes I was more, but we are quite happy to enjoy each other's company in silence. Maybe you need to rediscover each other a bit more.

I can sympathise with you about the argumentativeness, my DH can be like that. He just gets quite passionate about things he feels strongly about and doesn't realise he can be terribly hectoring when he talks. I used to get very upset about it until I realised he didn't mean it personally, now I just pat him and say 'yes yes dear, you're frothing again' and he usually realises he's being a bit of a tit. Is this how your DH is, or is it nastier than that?

We were together for 3 years before we had our DD. I guess at the beginning he must have been better and easier to get along with or I wouldn't have married him, it seems a long time ago now though.

DH is not nasty ever, he is just hardwired to take the opposite view, whenever I say anything, I'm met with "Don't know that I agree, actually...." then if I say anything he goes all victim like and says he's not allowed an opinion. He IS! But it would be nice to feel he's not just disagreeing for the sake of it and that we at least hold some views in common. If he ever does agree with anything I say I just get, "Yeah, I agree". End of conversation. I try to spin conversations out but it's so hard when you're met with monosyllables.

We hardly get out together at all, I am BFing and it's very hard to leave DD, she doesn't sleep at night well so we're both knackered. But this problem was there before DD came along.

When you say he gets chatty around friends and family, is he drinking? Not implying he is an alchoholic or anythign like that at all. Just DH is naturally shy and quiet, but when we have peole round he will drink a bit so HE CAN be chatty. I've noticed it and it disappoints me he has to do it.

Its clear that you can't carry on like this, you really need to make him understand how you're feeling. The fact that hes told you he finds you boring is worrying. Its not healthy for your dd to grow up in an environment like that, my parents stayed together for 13 miserable years and the day they finally split was one of the happiest days of my life! If you can't work things out then you need to walk away, as hard as that is