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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suspicious

31 replies

2anddone · 19/08/2010 17:14

went away for couple days last week and when i came home dh had a sent email to someone with the word escort in their email address asking if there are any appointments available for the day he didnt have dc and he knew it was short notice. Am now worried he has cheated while i was away he has met someone off the internet before for sex and obviously i have had no trust in him since aibu to be suspicious, should i question him wwyd

OP posts:
BextheBambi · 19/08/2010 17:17

why not send your own email to the email address along similar lines of DH or saying "you've been reccomended this company by a friend was wondering if any spare apointments etc?" and then see what you get back. Don't make accusations just yet. :)

TrillianAstra · 19/08/2010 17:18

Maybe it was their first car.

namechange100 · 19/08/2010 17:20

Yes you should, if it is clear it was an escort service.

Please wait til you are level headed and calm, be clear about what you want to say.

If he admits cheating, what do you want?

Oh hun, I real feel for you I went throught similar stuff with DH this time last year, and I was wrong about a lot and right about some stuff.

((()))

ChippingIn · 19/08/2010 17:25

As a starting point I would do what bex suggested.

What happened after you found out about him meeting up with someone off the internet for sex?

How long ago was it?

Do you want to be in a relationship where you can't trust him?

BextheBambi · 19/08/2010 17:28

I really hope it is just about a car, for your sake.

and i wish you all the best, but you have got to think about whether you want to be in a relationship where your doubting him.

Big hugs hope everything works out.

Madascheese · 19/08/2010 17:45

:( so sad for you

You need to find out for your own sanity, but you need to be clear about what you will and won't accept in your relationship.

Good luck

SparkleRainbow · 19/08/2010 17:53

You need to find out either way, have you tried googling the email address, you may find information about it if it is an escort agency?

I am so sorry, I know what it feels like to be betrayed like this. Sad I hope it is all innocent, good luck.

ZZZenAgain · 19/08/2010 17:59

yWhy would he bother mentioning that it was a day when he didn't hve the dc though? How would that interest an escort service?

yes google the address, send a mail (you can open a new free account just for that if you want). Then if you find out anything, you can still think about what you want to do. He'll just deny it surely?

SparkleRainbow · 19/08/2010 18:02

Are you thinking he wouldn't bother to tell a stranger the fact about the dc.... I didn't think of that, if you use the private brower facility on your internet you could google the address untraced.

ZZZenAgain · 19/08/2010 18:03

yes that's what I am thinking, sounds more like someone he knows.

SparkleRainbow · 19/08/2010 18:08

Not good....

2anddone - when did the last cheating episode(s) happen, if you still talk about it, and work on it, how likely do you think it is? I am so sorry you have got to go through this.

katkouta · 19/08/2010 18:09

maybe he didnt actually mention the dc, maybe OP just meant that was the day he asked for.

SparkleRainbow · 19/08/2010 18:10

Good point - optimism is a good thing

katkouta · 19/08/2010 18:10

YANBU to be suspicious, I like Bex idea.

SparkleRainbow · 19/08/2010 18:13

I think Bex is right too, you want to get all the information you can before you say anything.

swallowedAfly · 19/08/2010 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

katkit · 19/08/2010 19:16

how awful. why don'tyou google the email address and see which website it's on?

Original poster
2anddone · 19/08/2010 20:29

good idea will do once he has gone to work. He didnt mention dc just the date and i knew that he didnt have them that day. We dont ever talk about the last time it was 4 years ago happened when i was on my hen weekend but i didnt find out til we had been married 3 months wanted to leave him then but am slightly afraid of mil she is not a nice lady and any separations would turn nasty very quickly

OP posts:
BrittanyBeers · 19/08/2010 22:25
Sad It does sound like he's been cheating, or trying to. Sorry.

What a twat.

2anddone, can you copy the email and send it to your email (personal and work)?

It may be useful if you need evidence.

Original poster
2anddone · 19/08/2010 22:31

I googled it is an escort, what a twat I will never forgive him :(

OP posts:
BrittanyBeers · 19/08/2010 22:48

Oh 2anddone.Sad

mylittlemonkey · 19/08/2010 23:45

(((more hugs)))

So sorry!

ChippingIn · 19/08/2010 23:57

I am so, so sorry.

Don't let the scary MIL put you off doing anything you need to do, this is your life not hers. If she gives you any grief you can always tell her that if she had brought him up properly you wouldn't be dealing with this now!! [Not necessarily strictly true - but hey-ho].

The Relationships board is really good for thrashing things out :(

Madascheese · 20/08/2010 06:29

(((more hugs))) So sorry :(

I hope you got some rest last night, now you need to calmly decide what you're going to do.

You need to figure this out for you and the DC, I've every sympathy with you, my expil are scary too, but you need to be focused on you and the DC, one step at a time.

Good luck

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 20/08/2010 06:35

So what now, 2andone? You can't let fear of your MIL get in the way this time, love. It sounds like this has been a recurring thing for your husband.

Do you have access to his bank statements? This isn't a cheap service, I presume, and knowledge is power. It would help to know how often and how far back this goes - not that once isn't enough to kick him out, but it's good to have a full story where possible.