To not want her friend to join us.

[swanandduck]

I've arranged to meet an old friend that I haven't seen in over a year. We're going for a meal and a catch up and I've been really looking forward to it. However, she's just texted me to say that a colleague of her's has been dying to try the restaurant we're going to so would I mind if she came along as well. I do bloody mind. I've never met this person and the whole purpose of the meeting was to catch up with my friend that I haven't seen in ages and probably won't see for ages again (we live different sides of the City, have young children and she works full time). AIBU to feel a bit annoyed and hurt that she's bringing along a friend from work?

YANBU, it's rude, but you could look upon it as a chance to meet someone new I suppose!

No you are not AIBU. Why don't you respond with something that makes it clear that you'd be happy with that next time, but this time you'd prefer it just the two of you?

I think it's rather intrusive, so IMO YANBU. I'd be upset if I was you.

I would think the more the merrier.

I have such a filthy mind...

YANBU.

I have a friend who does something similar quite often. We all (in our group of mates) find it irritating.

I have a friend like this too. She always does it, although she never asks first. Last time, I invited her to meet after work (assuming as always we would grab some food and a drink and have a good catch up). When i met her she was with 6 colleagues, and seemed surprised that I expected to go eat (am pregnant!) rather than just stay in the pub for '3 or 4'.

She doesnt mean to be irritating, she just always, always wants a gang, whereas, sometimes you want to meet someone so you can both have a good old chat.

Rude, but unintentional. And YANBU!

YANBU

It would be different if you met up all the time and she had a friend that needed to meet some people and get out a bit more... but when you hardly ever get together for a decent chat - then it's inconsiderate.

Mind you, I have one friend like this, she would bring someone else along because she'll talk about anything, in front of anyone, and it never occurs to her that not everyone is the same...so she wouldn't see why it would matter....

Do you have things you want to talk to her about that you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing in front of this other person?

Just tell her that you'd rather not, i'm sure she won't mind.

YANBU. I bloody hate this 'the more the merrier' I have some friends who invite all and sundry when I would like a select few to have a chat with where I don't want to share everything with everyone. I have 2 friends where our husbands have all become good friends and me and DH like the 6 of us with our DCs doing the odd thing together. One time a friend of mine turned around and said "oh do you mind if I tag along too" (not with her DH or anything) and my other friend just said "yes thats fine" I actually did mind though.

You can say you would prefer to have a catch up with just the 2 of you. Nothing wrong with that.

I would see it as an opportunity to meet a new and potentially interesting person - who might become a great friend.

Unless I really needed to get something serious off my chest, maybe.

I veer between the 'Keep things as they are' school of thought then I see sense and think it doesn't matter. It's only ever women who think like this! Never men. They couldn't give two hoots who comes along.

Sorry, I come from a school of thin-skins - is the person she is inviting going to be a decoy or a friendly way to ensure that the meet-up doesn't become awkward??

Perhaps you don't mean quite as much to her as she does to you???

I think it sounds a bit odd. Do you think that she might be less keen than you are?
It sounds like your friend obviously doesnt mind the other person coming.

Someone did this to me once, it really annoyed me so I ended up cancelling and told them to enjoy themselves. :/

YANBU, especially because it is an old friend who you haven't see in a while. If this was someone you see all the time fair enoguh, more the merrier. But in this case you will want to be be discussing, old times and in jokes etc. The other woman will uncomfortable and out of the loop, otherwise they will talk work and you will feel out of it. I'd be disappointed too. Sorry

Normally I would say YABU and the more the merrier, but given that you haven't seen her in over a year YANBU. How do you say "non merci" without sounding about 12 though?

Thanks for the replies. No, there's no potential awkwardness between my friend and myself. We genuinely don't get time to meet up more often. I know a few years ago, before she got married, she once suddenly invited a cousin to come along on a holiday with her and her best friend and it caused a bit of a row. She can be a bit impulsive sometimes and doesn't stop to think if things will suit everyone else as well.

I've decided to say I actually can't make it that night and could we reschedule for (and specify a couple of dates). I'm hoping she'll get the hint. I really don't feel like talking about myself and my family and what we've all been up to in front of a stranger (who would be bored stiff anyway). I also don't feel like forking out for an expensive meal, a taxi home and a babysitter for a couple of hours until DH gets home, to sit making polite chit chat with someone I don't know.