to be angry with my sister?

[510fudge]

I'll try and be as succinct as possible. We are having our son christened next month. TBH all arranged fairly last minute. Told my sister about it and she didn't say anything (like, oh yes think we're free that weekend). So to fill the silence I said that it would be great if she could come but that it was a fairly low key affair so not to worry if not. I know she has a really hectic life and they live around 4 hours drive away.

I found out that she took great offence at this comment so i called her up to explain that I didn't mean to offend- she said that if I had not gone to her daughter's christening she would have been mightily offended - I said that perhaps that's the difference between us and she huffed back at me 'perhaps it is'. Then she said that she was really angry with me, that I had been off with her for months (this is not true but when pressed she wouldn't give me examples as she said she was too angry to talk about it all as we could end up falling out forever!). She refused to talk any mroe and said she would call me in a week or so when she had prepared what she wanted to say.

A week later and I got a text from her apologising for reacting so badly and saying she's got a lot of stuff going on. Nothing about how I've been p*ssing her off for months. I was really upset by the conversation and burst into tears afterwards. I don't feel that I've done anything wrong (not intentionally anyway). Should I push for her to tell me what she feels I have been off about or should I just lets things die down and accept her apology without any more talk? I feel cross that she cannot call me in person to apologise and that after a week all I've got is a text after what was a fairly big argument between us.

I am godparent to my niece so I wonder whether she is offended we have not asked her to be godparent. DH and I are of the view that godparents are friends rather than family and for this reason have chosen friends. Apparently we've also p*ssed off his sister as well as she expected to be godparent. I honestly thought godparents were usually friends of the family and not relatives - when my sister asked me to be godparent I asked her if she was sure and said that I thought it was usually friends.

Any advice ladies?

Um, stop acting like 12 year olds and let it lie?

Sorry, but I never understand these posts, grown women getting huffy and having text rows, I don't know what world you live in!

Sounds like a hell of a lot of fuss about nothing!

Unless you really want to start an argument about whether she should call or text you, I would let it go

She was unreasonable she has apologised. What more do you want her to say? YABU to still be angry.
i thought godparents were more likely to be family than friends but there isn't any rules as far as I am aware. She hasn't said to you that she is upset about not being asked. Considering she doesn't seem the sort to hold back of she is upset about something I wouldn' think it is a problem.

Perhaps ask her if she's ok? Sounds like she's having some problems.

Thanks for the reality check - harsh but fair. I too think it's rather pathetic to get into these scenarios- but when you're actually in it it clouds your thinking.

There is some history here of my sister blowing up at me every so often and I am rather fed up of it. I'm more than happy to talk to her and sort out problems but each time I try to speak to her and be open and honest she refuses to talk about anything that is making her upset/angry and makes these statements like "you've never liked my DH" (Eh?) and won't elaborate - until the next time she blows up at me. But you are right, she's not very happy and I should grow up, and see if I can help.

I would accept the apology as it is, but perhaps say that if she is ever upset with you in the future, that she can always come to you and talk about it. I think that's the only recourse here if you don't want another row.

As for Godparents, they can be whoever you want. If your sister has previously made you a Godparent to her child, I think you are being a bit insensitive by not at least telling her the reasons you don't want her in return. I would've personally said something because I would've assumed she'd wonder why she wasn't being asked. Same goes for your DH's sister (though she shouldn't assume that she would be chosen since I'm guessing she has not made you or your DH Godparents to her child?). I think your dismissive attitude towards your sister attending the Christening (though obviously for good reasons) probably didn't help.

Tbh, I think you're both a bit unreasonable here, you for not explaining why she wouldn't be a Godparent (which probably is the reason she is upset), and her for her excessive and childish reaction. If you can make it up properly with your sister, I would try to be more enthusiastic about her being at the Christening and thereafter draw a line under this whole mess.

Good luck.

LucyLouLou, thank you for such a nice constructive reply.

You're welcome :). I hope it all gets sorted in time for a great day for your DS!

If she has a history of being OTT then I wouldn't worry too much about what I said! :)

In fairness, I would be hurt if my sister not only didn't ask me to be Godmother but also indicated that it was no big deal if I didn't go to the Christening. So, while on one level I can see it's all very childish, I can still understand why she's upset with you.

It does sound like the silence when you told her about the christening was down to her waiting to be asked to be Godparent. It must have been hard expecting to hear that request and instead being told she didn't need to come. It is possible that whoever told you she was upset, was someone who also expected it (your mum)?. That is the trouble with second hand information. I think she lashed out a wee bit because she didn't want to embarrass herself by asking why she wasn't godparent.

I'm not saying her response is reasonable but I would accept the apology and maybe think more carefully about contentious issues in the future (even if they wouldn't bother you). You could perhaps ask her to do a reading at the christening, not making it sound like a "non godparent compensation," but as something important to you. I would also try and involve your god-daughter in some way.