to be a bit irked by this 'gift'?

[silverten]

My mum has been knitting like a trouper for my baby, and is still going strong. Lovely things that are really useful. I asked if she would do me a larger size of a cardi that she'd done, as it was so versatile, but if she'd do it in something washable but not bobbly.

Happened to mention this request to MIL, who promptly decided she'd do some knitting as well. A few days later I got a phonecall from her while she's in the wool shop, demanding all the specific details of what I want- style, colour, yarn, finishing....everything.

I don't give a monkey's about the details and am just appreciative that anyone can be bothered to do this sort of thing.

This was several weeks ago and TBH I'd forgotten about the whole thing. Yesterday I was presented with a partially finished garment and a frankly lame excuse about not being able to knit without a pattern. She now expects that I will finish the cardi- and will probably mention it the next few times she sees us. Was not a massive surprise to me as she has a bit of a history of starting things with the novelty and then losing interest in favour of the next shiny thing.

I've got an 8 month old baby, a house full of Stuff that needs sorting out, and a pile of projects to finish myself.

I could really do without another thing cluttering the place up.

Am torn between the compulsion to be grateful for the gift, and irked that it is actually quite useless and has simply added the the pile of things I need to do that are cluttering up my house.

AIBU to be irked?

Could your Mum not unpick it and use the wool to knit you something nice?

Tell her you can't knit without a pattern either, and you'll ask your mum for advice.
I'd be irked too.

I'd just stick it in a drawer and forget about it. If she asks about it tell her you haven't got the time to do it. I'd be irked about it too - big time!

I've never managed to complete a jumper that someone else has started. I think I tend to knit to an odd tension or something. I'd go with the 'unpick and gift the wool to your mum' idea.

I'm also really bad a starting projects and not completing, but I know that so don't tend to promise people stuff.

It was nice of her to try though. My MIL is not an avid knitter and attempted to make some woolly hats for my firstborn. They came out the size that would fit on an orange, but would squeeze a newborn's head quite a lot. I smiled, said thank you and didn't put them on him with the excuse that he was born in August. She abandoned knitting, but got into cross-stitch which she's happier with so I suggested a couple of things she could make for the children which pleased her and made her feel included in the 'making things for baby' team.

Not unreasonable to be irritated, but try to take it all with a side-order of calm.

How weird. If she is too busy how will you NOT be?

Its not really a gift is it. Is not even bloody finished. YANBU, who the hell wants to sit knitting when they have a baby. I can't knit anyway and have no desire to learn.

Don't finish it. Either tell her you can't knit or you just don't have the time. It seems very odd that she would even bother to give it to you like this.

You aren't being ungrateful at all.

bin it and if she asks say you unravelled it and gave the wool away...cheeky cow.

I'd also just say I cannot knit without a pattern either (it is also the truth) which is a shame because she'd gone to so much trouble and made such a nice start. So you appreciate the thought.

If she was not a confident knitter really why go and uy all the stuff and embark on it? She could have knitted a patchwork blanket in strips of wool like scarves then sewn together or something like that.

Your baby will soon outgrow it anyway, so no point finishing it really. I wouldn't give it to your mum really and ask her to finish it. I'd just put it in the back of a cupboard and when it is forgotten, throw it out.

Why the hell did she not buy a pattern? Loony.

I find that strange too, there she was in the wool shop phoning to make sure she got the right wool, the right finish etc, why not get a pattern too?

It's a case of the thought that counts. She meant well.

That's not a gift!

I knit, and two things strike me: a) why on earth did she not just buy a pattern?? b) people knit differently in different tensions so the cardie could end up in a right old mess anyway.

Give it to your mum, it'll be much better unpicked and re-made into something else.

Thank you. I don't feel quite so much of an ungrateful cow now. It isn't really a present, is it? (not that I care whether she gives us a present or not, but I wish she wouldn't make such a song and dance about it...)

She did buy a pattern- but not one that was exactly what she wanted to knit. She intended to change a bit as she knitted- I've done something similar in the last few things I've knitted and she knows this- so I guess she thought that it would be easy.

The stupid thing is, the change she's started making (she's done about an inch of the 'off-piste' section) is trivially easy to make. I have a very strong feeling she's just bored with it.

Anyway yes I think I'll give it to my mum to deal with. Pointless wasting time trying to match the tension- I could probably have a go but frankly cannot be arsed!

YANBU - that's a hassle not a present!! I'd ask your Mum if she wouldn't mind dealing with it - either finishing it or unravelling and using the wool for something else

Tension seems like your get out of jail free card. Go with it!

I'm a 'big' knitter I can almost empathise here; I suspect she went off piste from the pattern, couldn't handle it and looked to you (as I assume) an experienced knitter to help her out and finish the item that probably overwhelmed her? Am I being too nice?

I have several friends who have done similar things - they get into a muddle, panic and hand whatever it is over. It takes me usually 20mins or so to fix and explain what the problem is, which almost always surprises them as they assume it is terminal.

If the wool is nice, I'll volunteer to be the recipient!

Also, if it makes you feel better my MIL asked me to knit her a bed jacket for Christmas last year because "it wouldn't matter if it was all wonky and uneven".

Er, charming! I said I was too busy...

Just give it to your Mum, and tell MIL that's what you've done. That'll embarrass her

I can't imagine on what planet you give someone a half-finished gift? It's like buying a box of chocolates and eating the top layer before you hand them over.

Have just mentioned the handover-to-my-mum idea to mr silverten.

He thought the idea of me having time to finish it was hilarious