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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not feel guilty that we don't want to fill each day with something to do?

6 replies

lemonysnicket · 18/08/2010 15:31

My DS (12) has a friend who is very forceful (means well) and is always ringing to try and get together with my DS - they do talk on phone inbetween.... last summer hols they only got together once and his mum almost had a go at me about it. But, the first week we kept clear, the 2nd and 3rd weeks we were away anyway and in the 4th week we couldn't get a date when theyy were both free so that left last week and a half in which we managed to get a morning for them to meet up. It;s not that my son doesn't value the friendship, he does, but we do like to do a lot of things as a family over summer hols/meet up with other friends/see our families, etc and I don't think we should be made to feel guilty! The friend gets all defensive and then his mum wades in - I just tend to leave it to my DS to phone him or arrange a get together - and as I say, my DS values him greatly, just likes to do his own thing too. One of my other friends sort of has a similar problem with this mum in that she is always asking for her DS to come over and won't take no for an answer... she also phoned by son early morning once to ask if he could look out for her son /help him if he gets stuck etc(won't say what it was for) - of course my son is a good friend but he has to think of himself at school and I just feel that she thinks the whole world should revolve around her son!! Sorry for long rant.

OP posts:
lemonysnicket · 18/08/2010 15:32

Sorry, didn't mean myu DS won't help him (he'd be horrified to read that, he is always willing to help), just meant he is not always in a position to look out for him!! Sorry.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 18/08/2010 15:33

I step right back out of dc's friendships unless there is some kind of isolation/bullying thing going on (thankfully not yet) which I would say my piece about probably.

I think she is too heavy-handed for my taste. I would just say whenever she called, oh I never get involved with ds' friendships, I leave it up to him.

Mowiol · 18/08/2010 17:21

Just wondering from the little hint about your son looking out for her son if she has a reason to be anxious about him? If that is the case then I think she may be overdoing the maternal anxiety and being too involved. I only ever stepped in if I felt there was any undesirable behaviour such as bullying and even then I left it to my daughter and sone to sort out their own friends. That doesn't mean I wasn't biting my tongue a lot though!!

Mowiol · 18/08/2010 17:22

Sorry - "son" not sone. That's twice I've done that today!!

curlymama · 18/08/2010 17:28

I agree with the above, it sounds like she is worried about her ds for some reason. I know when my ds was younger I did make a bit of extra effort to help him with friendships because he has Aspergers.

On the other hand she could just want other people to help her occupy her childs time over the holidays.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 18/08/2010 17:32

i agree with curlymama and Mowiol. Not that it is your responsibility to do anything about it, necessarily, but it might help to see her behaviour as born of anxiety rather than having all that much to do with you.

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