How do you deal with a situation where you child gets blamed for everything in a family situation?

[crymeariver]

Our ds is the eldest out of the all the Grandchildren,when we get together for family events ,I dread it with the sil and her children.
Her dd is her little princess who does nothing wrong?,my son is no angel but she just cries when she does not get her own way,last time she wanted everything my ds had.
In the end I was just moaning at my son to give it back,even though he did not take it,I just wanted a easy life tbh,the pil left as they felt he was getting a hard time.
How do I deal with this at the next family event?,thanks in advance.

Let the kids sort it out for themselves and don't interfere with their battles.

if the pil think she is wrong as well, can you not stand up to her? Could you say calmly but firmly that sometimes her dd is in the wrong?

Easier said than done, I know. It must be very stressful, it does sound unfair. If she can't be made to see reason then I would see less of them, I'm afraid.

Maybe your PIL could step in if they see the same thing happening.

I think its important you say something even if SIL takes no notice, then your DS will know you are backing him up and don't think he's the 'naughty one'.

How old are the children btw?

My ds is 4 her dd is 3,I feel like saying Greensleeves,but worried she would take offence and it would lead to an argument but I have had enough.

I'd tell dn your ds will share when he's finished his turn. If sil won't step in you will have to set the rules. If she doesn't like the rules she will speak up. She can't expect a 4 yo to make allowances for a 3 yo.

I don't think I would be able to confront her either - it's much easier to tell other people what they should do than it is to do it in the moment

Could you talk to your PIL about back you/ds up a bit? It doesn't have to be hostile or about taking sides, it could just be that you feel your ds's confidence is going to be damaged by being scapegoated all the time

Pil know how I feel and they will step in,I will ask them to help out for the next family event,thanks for everyones advice.
If in the future it get really bad I will have to say something nicely maybe I will speak to bil he is defiantly more resonable.

Step in when the daughter whines, and say "Oh I know it's really hard when someone else has something you want, isn't it? When he has finished playing with it, I'll make sure you get a go. When he has finished."

Smile smile.

Would do exactly as Colditz has said, loudly enough that SIL hears it a few times. Big sweet smile.

I never understand why people don't just say something in situations like this (maybe i'm just a loud mouth!)
If she is whining for something and creating a fuss, stand up for your son and tell her she will have to wait if your sil won't tell her.
As long as you are talking to her nicely, your sil won't have any reason to get pissy with you.