To never entertain at ours?

[lacoste]

We never entertain at ours as I feel it is hard work,messy and expensive,am I the only one or aibu.

If you accept invitations to others then yes, YABU if you don't then of course you aren't.

YABU if you're accepting hospitality from people who might also find entertaining expensive and tiring.

YABU, as others have said, entertaining is hardwork an should be shared between friends/family unless you genuinely do not have the space eg 6 of you live in a one-bedroom flat.

typo alert- dodgy keyboard.

Actually, I think YANBU. Some people like offering hospitality, and they don't do it because they're looking for a return match at yours, but because they enjoy it. If you don't enjoy it, don't do it.

But maybe you could spring for a restaurant meal every now and then?

As an inviter rather than an invitee you are definitely being unreasonable, would love to be invited out the same amount of times we entertain.

I think people tie themselves up with high expectations about "entertaining".

The thing which is nice about having friends round is sharing time together, sharing a meal and having a drink in good company.

Its very easy to miss out on these very important things which are good for the soul because instead of thinking what having people round is really about, you focus on ironing napkins, trying to cook a four course fancy meal, expensive wine etc.

Why don't you just invite your friends round for a glass of ordinary plonk and a stew and icecream for pudding! The evening will not be any the less fun - in fact it will be more fun as you won't be stressed and won't have spent a fortune.

Its about spending time together and having a laugh.

We do but only to one friend who has dc's we take ours and always give generously take meat for bbq,two bottles of wine,beers.
For me I find it daunting having so many people at ours at once, I prefer a smaller crowd or my own company.

You don't have to have loads of people round though. If you get invited to a BBQ,, why don't you just then invite the hosts of that bbq for dinner?

we always go to other people's

tbh our house is a poky hovel and smells of dog wee so I can't imagine anyone would want to come to ours

Each to their own but don't expect anyone to invite you.....

Agree with Bump. I wouldn't say that I 'entertain' but we do have people over fairly often - good friends who are happy to sit on the floor and eat pizza while getting pissed and having a giggle.

But YANBU. Some people are not comfortable as hosts.

What MumNWLondon said.

I invite cos I like going back

Agree with other posters in that I think people get too hung up on having to put on a four course dinner that wouldnt be out of place in a Masterchef final. I do have some friends who cook to that standard.......but they are happy to come over to ours and get a lasagne and salad and chocolate mousse (I can follow a recipe but that's about it- I have NO flair).

I think it's just often more fun/ relaxed to go to people's houses and although when it's your turn it is more expensive, that's evened out by all the evenings when you go to someone's and get dinner for the price of a bottle of wine!

Agree with Bump.

One of the best nights ever was when we had my best friend and her DP round to ours. Her DP is French, a trained chef and works at an award-winning restaurant, so I thought sod trying to impress, anything I cook is going to look really lame compared to the exquisite feast he made for us last time! So I just did a big pot of beef in beer with some roast parsnips and a big bowl of peas, plonked it all in the middle of the table and let everyone just help themselves. Not much more expensive, and no harder, than just cooking for us, really.

Fair enough never to invite people to yours, but there will come a time when you've hacked off enough people by never reciprocating that their invites will dry up. You can't take and never give.

In fact I've recently thrown in the towel with one couple I know - I like them, I enjoy their company and to an extent that should be enough but actually, after years of them coming to ours we have never been invited back and really, sod them.

Out of interest Hassled (as I see this problem looming for us), did you drop hints about you being invited to theirs, or haveyou just stopped inviting them to yours in the hope that they will get the hint?

I would never drop hints, too rude, just wouldn't invite.

If I bumped into them might comment "haven't seen you for ages". One couple responded to this by saying ok lets go out for dinner to restuarant, which we did and we split the bill. Thats fine but I still will not invite back!

OP Some people just like entertaining. I did before I got pg. Loved putting together lots of curries for a really impressive spread that didnt cost the earth and would usually feed us again in the week. Much as I love having friends round I did appreciate contributions in the form of drinks or desserts, some people bring nibbles (a pet hate of mine as it ruins the main event!!!!) its not about reimbursng your hosts through wine but making an effort. Other friends of mine have us round to theirs and then pay for takeout. If you are liked and good company I dont see why people would stop inviting you but if you are always taking and not giving you could put some people off inviting you.

Oh I love having people for dinner but I'm on an embargo right now because there is building work going on and everything is a bloody hideous mess.

What we've done this year is have a birthday party at a small hotel and a summer BBQ which was fantastic.

It doesn't always have to be Dinner, I like having friends with children over for afternoon tea then I can cook lots of cakes in advance make some scones on the day and let the children play while we natter and crack open the Cava.

As others have said, it depends on whether you accept invitations.

I like people coming round here or going to friends' for a meal but I have never hosted or been to a 'dinner party' in my life. We're sold this idea that 'entertaining' is some kind of competition where you have to show off your skills.

Amongst my friends, we meet up, food is provided and we all have a good laugh. Actually the food is just a small part of the evening, which takes away the stress I might feel if I felt that it was all about the food.

Hassled I have stopped with my sister, all I hear are the BBQ'a she is having and that she has cooked for friends, we used to have her over every week and have been invited three time to hers and once beacuse we were staying there.