Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so, dh is on holiday / off work... what does he do in the house?

28 replies

yousaidit · 17/08/2010 21:49

... while i've been at work?

My belief is, that as i work p/t, and, like many other mums / parents, I deal with two young dc's, do breakfast, take them out and about, load the washing machine, peg out the drying, do the washing up, put awy the washing up when it has dried, bring n dry washing, do roning, put ironing away, make tea... etc etc you will probably recognise the routine.. Dh is amazed that there are parts of a washing machine that spin round.. Hmm

so, while i have been at work this week, dh has taken dcs out wherever, got home, made a sandwich for their tea after taking them to a cafe for dinner, not done any washing up, not pput away washing up i did in morning before i set off for work, not put any washing in, hence no pegging out, dry washing or ironing, not got any tea ready. he then complains that dcs are running riot (they're not, he just hates having to take them to parks... and dd can play him up lie no one..) and when i go to the gym after he has put the dcs to bed (i insisted as he usually only does this once a week and didn't do it once last week) the washing machine that i loaded is stil.. loaded, with a completed cycle, when i get back. when i went to hang it out he said 'be honest, should i have done that?' Eh???? Forty odd and you need some one to tell you if you should have pegged some sodding washing out??? christ, he has done arse all while on 'holiday'. no fucking idea what needs doing day to day in the house becuase he is sodding oblivious... apparantly having a hioliday from work means being on holiday from anything Hmm

he is now in bed and i'm sat up enjoyimng the much better company of your good selves!

OP posts:
Snobear4000 · 17/08/2010 21:59

You didn't make him his tea? What a bad housewife you are.

...sarcastic emoticon...

He sounds like a right twunt. I am a SAHD most times and I do at least 20% of those chores. Heh heh.

Your DH needs to realise that holidays will never exist again until he is old and grey. "School holidays" is as insulting a phrase as I can think of. Holidays indeed.

Original poster
yousaidit · 17/08/2010 22:01

I did make him his tea!!!! How totally d'oh am I? In fairness it was 'our' tea, the chicken needed using, no space in freezer, and I was ravenous.

Yes, dh does go under 'twunt' label at mo. Am having a bit of a 'dip' in the 'dips and troughs' of married life, as my friend says, at the moment. Just feel ready to implode.

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 17/08/2010 22:05

My Dh does a top to bottom house clean at least once a week and Im currently on mat leave. I do all other bits and he's still always sitting down before me tho - it's like man-magic - only they can conjure up the time to laze about!!

TheFallenMadonna · 17/08/2010 22:06

Oh dear. I'm on holiday from work. DC are at their grandparents. DH is at work. I've done bugger all today really. House is a bit of a tip. Must stir myself tomorrow...

Original poster
yousaidit · 17/08/2010 22:09

Ah, but FallenMadonna, are you on holiday from work or from 'it all'? Grin

OP posts:
Firawla · 17/08/2010 22:10

i think it's pretty typical tbh
personally if he took the kids out and had a good time with them, i would be fine with that (but then i don't work) i dont think it's that big of a deal having to do the washing/laundary etc but if he was @ home and not doing anything with the dc i would be angry as spending time with them is v important so i see that as the main thing?

Hulababy · 17/08/2010 22:13

I am on holiday from work at the moment. I work PT and term time only. I have done very little housework stuff during the days - me and DD have been too busy having fun, going out, meeting friends, etc. I have probably (no, definitely) done less housework this summer holidays than I normally do when I work.

However, I do keep the house tidy in general and tidy as I go. So the place looks fine.

Mind, I do need to do some washing and ought to give DH a hand with the ironing pile - well, maybe...

mumeeee · 17/08/2010 22:19

Well I had a week off work a couple or weeks ago and my DH didn't expect me to do any housework He said it was my holiday.

howdidthishappenthen · 17/08/2010 22:22

Same here. It annoys me a bit, but providing he & DCs have had a great day together, I don't mind. However, if he's spend the day on t'internet whilst they watch Cbeebies, I'm fuming.

QuickLookBusy · 17/08/2010 22:32

I think if there are specific things you really need to be done that day then you should tell him, or leave a short list.

I find this works with my DH, as house work is rarely on his to do list.

Of course, most women and some men would know its important to hang the washing out, unfortunately alot of blokes {and all teenagers}, in my experience need to be told!

Ephiny · 17/08/2010 22:40

You shouldn't have to leave him a list etc though, surely it should be his responsibility as much as yours, not just to do chores you've assigned to him (for a child this would be fair enough, but not a 40 year old adult) but to keep track of what needs doing and take equal responsibility for seeing that it gets done. Presumably it's his washing as well, and him doing it shouldn't be seen as a favour to the OP, but be part of keeping his own household running smoothly.

Ephiny · 17/08/2010 22:45

and I do understand not wanting to do housework when you're on holiday, but it's just basic everyday stuff like doing the washing and making tea, and someone's got to do it. It hardly seems fair that the OP has to run around doing this stuff before and after work, and presumably she's the one who does it when she's on 'holiday' as well.

peeringintothevoid · 17/08/2010 22:49

But he's supposed to be on holiday...right? i.e. having a bit of a break? Yet you seem to want him to do all the things that you think should be done, and suddenly magically know the routine.. Hmm

I think YABU, personally - it sounds like he's been enjoying a bit of a break from the daily grind with the kids. Had you explicitly told him that you expected him to take over all the chores you usually do? And if it bothers you that much that you do all this, is this the first time you've broached the subject with him?

Hulababy · 17/08/2010 22:52

Thread has just reminded me that I pur a load of washing in when meand DD got in earlier and i have forgotton to take out - best go do!

Minxie1977 · 17/08/2010 22:52

I agree with Ephiny - many of my female friends never get a holiday in terms of just enjoying themselves and doing nothing, yet I often hear 'ooh he's on holiday'!! If DH tries it I just say, when's my day off?

QuickLookBusy · 17/08/2010 23:01

I agree Ephiny as you said "You shouldnt have to leave a list.." but I found my life alot easier if I did.

When we got married my DH did not have a clue as his mother had waited on him hand and foot. He'd never opened a washing machine door in his life, never mind put anything in it.

I can say he is much better now, but we have been married for 21 years!!

The OPs DH did say "be honest should I have done that" He obviously doesnt have a clue. So surely he needs some direction!

sanfairyann · 17/08/2010 23:10

next time try to go full time the week he is off, , go straight out to the gym after work, sort out your own tea and leave all the housework alone for a week - see how he does. I'm having a fine old time of it this week. full time work is such a doss compared to part time plus all the housework. I do all the stuff he usually does, or should I say doesnt do, like no washing up, no washing, no shopping, no cleaning. ahhh is bliss.

Original poster
yousaidit · 17/08/2010 23:12

Hi posters, am heading for bed soon, but, well, dh is on holiday, i just have a gripe that to dh holiday means not taking up any 'task' that is neccessary for the general day to day running of the house, I'm not on holiday, so the days i am at work i was hoping if not expecting that dh would manage to do some basic bits of 'stuff' to keep things ticking over while i am at work, rather than being at home doing not much (or staying out of the house so dcs are strapped into prams and easier to look after Hmm and then when i get in i'm doing most things after work. he works f/t and while has breakfast togather he isn't home til after dcs are iin bed so there isn't much daily grind for him to have a break from! and weekends are spent tring to sqeeze a game of cricket in! Broached subject few times, just ends up exploding, dh starting the 'so your saying i do nothing so i'm a terrible husband?' routne where i seem to end up sounding like a moaning old goat. maybe i just am? I never thought i would not want to be my dd's role model, but here i am..

OP posts:
Original poster
yousaidit · 17/08/2010 23:14

sorry, the discussion ends up exploding, not dh `(or i usually do! Grin ) didn't want wrong impression there!

OP posts:
Original poster
yousaidit · 17/08/2010 23:15

'so you're saying' not your! aaaaarrrrghhhhh!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
yousaidit · 20/08/2010 21:24

Update: I took dcs out fpr playdate and swimmong so out all day, dh went to play golf late afternoon. Two loads of washing done and folded up as raining so dh didn't want to peg them out in the rain but knows i fold the washing so its flat and needs less effort when ironing (slattern in training, me Grin), washing up done, a pil;e of ironing s=done too. admittedly it was a pile f ironing i had done yesterday, but top marks for trying (and is tht a bad sign about my ironing? Blush

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 20/08/2010 21:39

Did you not leave him A List?? See, that's where you fell down - always, always leave A List, because it appears that (some, not all) of them are simply not able to fathom the wash-dry-iron-put away cycle, or what actually needs to be cleaned in the course of a day.

Apparently, according to my dh (who is very lovely, but fairly useless in the household stakes), all I need to do is ask - or leave A List, and he will happily do all that is required Hmm

TracyK · 20/08/2010 21:46

Most men DO NOT know what to do in the house. YOU NEED TO LEAVE A LIST.

Classic Men are from Mars......

My dh will fill dish washer and give a quick tidy round worksurface in kitchen. But not wipe them down - or around the sink - which is all splashy and cups of tea emptied into.

I usually have to phone him and ask him to peg out washing - he'd never think to look to find what was beeping.

maktaitai · 20/08/2010 21:54

I will not frigging leave a list. I am not my dh's line manager. YANBU.

Original poster
yousaidit · 20/08/2010 21:57

Ha ha ha maktaitai, tha made me laugh! I was impressed by dh's brst of household activity, just mortally offended he thought my ironing was a pile that needed roning. He is obviously a doughnut Grin

OP posts: