to feel hurt by my best friend?

[macdoodle]

I guess I probably am. We are very close, she lives across the road, our DD's (my DD1, her DD2)are 2 weeks apart in age and good friends, we work in the same field.

It is her DD1's 18th birthday on sunday, we have been talking about it for ages, her DD1 didnt want a fuss, they couldnt afford it, werent going to do anything etc.

I am off work on monday, so weeks ago, I invited her DD2 and twins who live in the road as well, for a sleep over on sun night and the day on monday.

Recently her DD2 has been letting my DD1 down quite a lot with arrangements, we plan something, she gets a better offer and cancels, but gets upset if we dont include her.

Anyway, she texts me yesterday to say they are just having a few friends and family over on sunday to celebrate if I want to "pop" over. Well, I have made plans, my DD's are going to their grandparents for the day and I need to go and do some work stuff, then we are supposed to be having a sleepover.

Turns out this is now quite a big "party", with everyone making food, bringing drinks, lots of people, going on late, people sleeping there etc etc. Thing is she hasnt really "invited" me, my girls wont be able to go, I will have to juggle just to "pop" in and wish her happy birthday. I am very fond of her DD1, she babysits for me every week, I have known her most of her life, and have been very supportive of her.

I am really hurt, I feel totally excluded, like I am not considered part of the "family", though it is not just family, there are other friends going too. I feel me and DD's have been left out/not considered important enough to be included :(

I guess, we have become almost too close :( I have neglected some of my other friends, so have put on stiff upper lip, rung some friends and arranged some plans for next few weeks, but feel like crying :(

YANBU but I feel this might be a genuine misunderstanding rather than them being deliberately mean and leaving you all out. Maybe they didn't think your plans for them were definite?

It sounds as if it is the relationship between the DDs that are cooling off not yours and your friends.

Perhaps her DDs have decided that they prefer other friends which is only natural at their age to chop and change and maybe she is reacting to that.

Our DD's are growing apart yes but this party is for her elder DD who will be 18.
Not our 2 who are friends, my DD1 and her DD2, they are almost 9.

Sorry long confused winge I know.

I am confused, she did invite you but you already have plans don't you?

I think you are overreacting. She invited you to pop over as they having some friends and fmaily over. It doesn't matter how it was said, you are invited. Just because she didn't say "Oh we are having a massive party, make sure you are there" makes no difference.

YABU.

so, is her dd2 not coming to the sleepover?

you HAVE been invited to the party.... not sure why you feel you are being left out?
maybe she forgot about the sleepover? you need to ask her

she invited you!
she was just low key about it, maybe that was the idea in the first place and it has escalated.
bit strange of you to arrange a sleepover for night of her 18th, and invite her sister, even if there seemed to be no specific plans in place.

Thing is I dont feel like she has "invited" us, she told me at length, what food everyone is making, whose bringing what, whose sleeping over, that it will go on very late etc, and asked me to "pop" over

Yes I did invite her DD2 for a sleepover on the night of her DD1's 18th but she had said repeatedly that they were not doing anything at all, in fact at one stage her DD1 was going to go away with her friends, I asked if it was ok.

I guess I am probably over reacting, but I feel left out, feel like we have all been left out TBH. And she hasnt said whether her DD2 will sleep over, which isnt really fair on my DD1, ie of she is having more fun there she wont bother coming over.

I know IABU probably, cant help I feel though, and am usually a hard cow :(

Maybe she thought that as you are close friends, you weren't one of the people who don't need to bring anything.

Have I got this right? Your two DDs that are friends are the 9 year olds? There is an older DD who is having the 18th birthday and you are friends with the mother of these two DDs? Even though you clearly have been invited, why would the 18 year old feel obliged to invite her mothers friend?

The party is for the 18 year old, it is predominantly friends and family ie adults, the 18yr old is only having a few of her own friends. I am close to the family and said 18yr old, I would have liked to be included in her celebration, I would have liked to have been asked to "bring some food"

I'm sorry but you are being ridiculous. You ARE included. Just because she didn't hand you a personalised, handwritten invitation doesn't mean you are not included. She is 18, she isn't going to act like you are the one person she must have at her party. If you want to take something, just ask if there is anything they want you to bring or is there anything you can do. She wouldn't have talked to you about it then thought not to invite you. Her saying you can 'pop over' is her way of inviting you.

I really can't see why you feel you haven't been invited, I wouldn't probably even invite my best friend she would just turn up - of course!

Just ask her what the plan is with the sleepover. Can't the girls be at the party together and then go back to yours afterwards?

You seem almost like you want to be offended.

I can totally see where you are coming from. You and your best friend (who is like family to you) have been talking about her daughters 18th Birthday for ages, they decide not to do anything - then all of a sudden there is this big party going on, that you haven't had any part in organising, getting excited about and you have just been told to 'pop over' if you want to?? I would be as hurt as you are and wonder what was going on?!

It's not really about being invited, it's about being included :(