to LOVE being a step-mum?

[AlgebraRocksMySocks]

I feel really lucky to have DH's DCs in my life. DSS is 18 and DSDs (twins) are 12. They are all fantastic.

One of my DSDs has just stayed for a week and I actually feel really sad to be dropping her home later :( I'll really miss her! It's been lovely having her around and she's great with her little brother (11m) and sister (3.1) (well technically they're half-siblings but we don't use the word half), they all adore each other.

I'm so lucky. There were a few teething problems (DH and I have been together 8 years) with his ex but they accepted me pretty quickly. I spend lots of time with them even when DH is at work - I would never try to be a second mum, but I guess as I'm a lot younger than their parents I'm more 'fun' and approachable.

The girls were my bridesmaids in 2008 and DSS was one of our witnesses. I was too nervous to make a proper speech after but I did get up and say how grateful I was to them for welcoming me into their family.

Sorry for the self-indulgent post but I just wanted to write this down, I see so many posts about really tense step-families with lots of (understandable) problems and it's made me appreciate how lucky I am. :)

ahh, that's lovely

gosh, no, that's really nice. My stepkids are lovely and I love being part of their lives but I do find it massively difficult at times. Well done you.

YANBU! I feel the same way about my DSCs... difficult, but definately worth it!

So often we get the Wicked Stepmother tales and woes and it probably always is a stressful and somewhat impossible-to-get-right role. But I think we need still to celebrate when it's good, or OK..

I love me DSD more than anyone else (don't have kids of my own yet) but I would lay my life on the line for her any day, so no I don't think your unreasonable

Lovely post Algebra

YANBU.

I love it too :) DSD is now an adult but I really love her, and would walk on hot coals for her. We've been in each other's lives since she was a toddler. I am no longer with her dad, but she and I are still close, and she and her BF are coming round for a curry later :)

She's enriched my life incredibly, and I feel so very very lucky to have her :)

So nice to read

My husband is step dad to 4 of my children (they never see their biological father his choice and neither does he pay csa etc).

My husband loves being step dad though, we now have one together and another on the way and he doesn't treat any of the children differently. They love him to bits and vice versa. The word step and half never get mentioned, we're just family.

Lovely to read how much people love their step children though, i had a photo book for my husband made recently and on a page with a pic of him and his step sons on i had a quote printed,
'it's not flesh and blood that makes us father and sons but the heart'.

A great post, definately NBU

YANBU
I love being a step mum and step gran too.

Really nice posts.

That's a lovely OP.

I am stepmum to a 23 year old and I love him dearly. I first knew him when he was a teenager. He is a lovely boy (man now!) and me and DD are glad to have him in our lives. DD and Dstepson call each other brother and sister.

On the other side, DP is a brilliant stepdad to my dd as well.

We all live together (dtsepson moved out, but for money reasons has moved in with us a couple of months ago). Apart from the fact there is never any food in the house, it has worked out very well. We are very lucky I think - you hear nightmare stories.

I am not a stepmum, but all you stepmums who love your stepchilden are absolutely lovely. Your stepchildren are lucky to have you.

YANBU at all! Thanks for a heartwarming post :)

Its shouldnt be seen as out of the ordinary for step parents to like and love their stepchildren - those children were in existence before the step parent was on the scene, the step parent knows they are marrying someone with children and should make every effort to like and love those children as their own.

Nice post, but what a shame its not always so.

I love my DSS I've been with DH 10 years this year and have had in my life since he was 4.

The only thing I get annoyed at him about is that as such a sunny, well behaved child he gave me a false impression of child raising!

That said step-parenting is hard in a different way then normal parenting. I find all my children irritating at some point (DSS included) as children by their demanding natures can be irriating. And with my DC I can get cross and feel better in a space of 5 mins, whereas with DSS I feel guilty about it because the love isnt as unconditional iyswim.

Also on here if you post a post as a parent you can get lots of sympathy, same post as a step - parent and your the devil incarnate

it's hard for everyone when a step-family relationship begins. I'm a bit that they're engaged before she's even met DD, and that she's stopped your ex seeing his DD :(

how does your DD feel about it all? it'd be worth having a good chat about it. I think it's really important to make it clear that this new woman isn't trying to 'replace' you and DD can just call her by her name (one of my DSDs once asked if she could call me mummy, I said it was really sweet of her but she shouldn't because it may upset her real mummy).

I think just be polite and, if possible, chilled and lighthearted. Or at least pretend to be just a "well DD, this is [exH's fiancee's name] - now have a lovely day, be good for Dad and I'll see you later!"

I'm not sure it'd be worth actually saying anything about not having feelings for exH, as she sounds quite insecure and it probably wouldn't make a difference but might upset DD.

Sounds like you are approaching this in the right way.

This woman is likely to have a large influence on your DD relationship with her father, possibly forever. She will massively influence the way your ex treats DD and you as well as the way she treats your DD.

When I first met my DH's ex she was friendly,enthusiastic about our relationship to DSS and said we should all go out for a meal at some point to get to know each other better.

I would be very positive about their relationship to DD, it will benefit her to feel that you are OK about it. It will also show you are not bothered about your ex. i reakon if you said anything that could be seen as protesting to much.

When meeting them be friendly, congratulate them on engagement, ignore any feeligns of wanting to have a go about not him not seeing DD it will do no one any favours. Keep it light-hearted and friendly. tell them DD is excited to meet her (unless this is totally untrue and would upset DD)

If you are seeing anyone else, mention them.

If she had a good time maybe get DD to draw a picture for them and send it.

If you have to discuss money/divorce/controverial matters try and leave it for a later date. First impressions count and though she might be a pain it is well worth getting her on side.

later on agree with ex and ehr not to bad mouth each other infront of DD and let the small things go.

Good luck -sounds like you've got your head screwed on.

Aww how lovely OP! I had a bad experience with my wicked stepmother so I take my hat off to you. YA-DEFFO-NBU

I have a lovely step-Mum. It was a little fraught at first (I was 13 when I met her) but we quickly clicked. 30 years on and we are best of friends. It's an important relation to be still.

glad you are`all doing so well.

Verity - if your DD doesn't want to meet her - why are you treking all the way up there - why can't they at least come to you??

If DD doesn't want to meet her - I don't really understand why you are making her? Especially when this woman doesn't seem like the kind of person one would want to leave ones child with??

Troll? 'There are issues with the woman having a child taken away by social services and then saying its the childs fault for being bad, writing sexual stuff about her children on facebook, taking pictures of her grandkids "smoking" with unlit cigarettes etc but at the end of the day I dont want her to be horrid to dd so Ive got to smile sweetly'

(Not OP troll)