Have nowhere to go now... am cross, love him, but am so cross.
DH is doing a 1 year pt PGDip which was SUPPOSED to finish next month. I asked him not to do the course in the first place, I pleaded with him, because I wanted to try for another baby, but he went ahead anyway, so we put all baby plans on hold for a year (horrible pg with DD, now 2.5, scared it will happen again).
So his course is supposed to be finishing next month, only NOW IT'S NOT. He is way behind with his hand-ins, the course leaders have thrown away all the deadlines because everyone is so behind and NOW they've extended the course by A WHOLE BLOODY YEAR. I didn't think they could do this, but apparently they can.
I have asked him to sit down, look at his workload and set deadlines himself so that he can get the work done by christmas, he sort of agreed to this at one point but now is saying he'll get it done by sept 2011! I am so livid. He won't set deadlines, he just comes home, eats, gives or doesn't give DD a bath, then disappears into spare room all evening reading academic papers (but not producing any written hand-ins), we hardly ever spend any time together as a family - I even spent last sunday with his parents and DD on our own so that he could have time to work, have been to festivals with DD on our own and am going camping in france with DD and my mum. I am so angry. He is pretty wonderful in all other respects, but I want our life back, and I want him back with me and our DD. Just had another row about it, now looking at futon in spare room and contemplating sleeping there tonight as a protest. Expect everyone is asleep by now so won't get any replies anyway (can you tell I'm feeling sorry for myself).
AIBU?
To go and sleep in the spare room because of DH's bloody post grad course?
babymutha · 17/08/2010 00:53
I'm assuming he's working as well, as it's a pt course?
It's not that unusual for pt students to extend another year tbh, especially if you're working and trying to raise kids. I know I did. So far it's taken me 3 years and I'm still not done - it started out as a 1 year masters...
Studying, working and parenting is pretty much as bad as it gets, tbh. It sounds as though you are trying to take a lot of the parenting responsibilities so that he doesn't have to, which is great that you're being so supportive, but it's very easy to just get bogged in a course and to see no end in sight. To try and imagine giving up all your hard work for nothing is fairly unpalatable, but a lot of parents have to, because it's just impossible to juggle everything.
There isn't an easy answer, really, particularly as like me, your dh seems to lots of reading and little producing. I call it George Eliot syndrome, but at least she knuckled down and came up with the goods periodically. 
Good luck whilst you struggle through it. I know on the other side I've felt like saying, 'you know what, I'm doing this for ME! Everything else I do in my life I do for someone else, and I'm going to finish this if it blooming well kills me.'
It hasn't yet, but it might.
DH not assertive, v true, and I am feisty articulate woman who won't shut up. Have looked at futon Chippingin, it is piled up with camping gear and v unattractive, plus DD will probably wake up in an hour and come looking for cuddle, so will take your advice and try to align breathing.
I have tried the big old talk,Jumpingup but it's not gone anywhere, just round and round in circles, if he really doesn't want another baby then he's not being straight with me. Think he probably doesn't know what he wants, and is burying his head in his photocopies.
What's happened to our lives? It was never like this before DD.
timetable.
if he can't timetable academic work, insist that you timetable a family downtime - eg saturday or sunday. (lots of mums who are studying have to timetable, because they have to literally work within childcare hours. is this something he could do? (i can't, but some are really successful with it)
and try to do something on your own once a week without dd too. leaving him with her. in charge. daddy bonding time. tbh i'd do this in any case, whether he was studying or not, but i'm a bit hardcore about shared and equal parenting 
(i used to work away at weekends from when our first dc was a baby )
and sort out a time when he can go away with you. it only has to be a few days, but as a family.
honestly, it's really easy to get bogged in to studying - you can't see the wood for the trees.
i also would grit your teeth and accept that this will go on until the end of the next academic year. but only grit your teeth and accept this if he agrees the other terms - ie he agrees to timetable one or other area of his life.
i do feel for you both. it's hard.
thank you all for your sound advice. Nickot - that's a brilliant strategy - it will feel good to come up with something positive rather than being negative all the time - it is making me depressed. Am going to do my own course! Once a week, but will help me to get some perspective - I've not done anything for myself since DD was born and feel a bit lost in this SAHM alternative existence. And will also insist on family time and some time away together, will also dispose of all contraception and be damned. Thank you all - am but not feeling so stranded. x
bramble - me too 
. dd2 has cerebral palsy. thankfully dh isn't studying as well at the moment, but boy, we've been there.
op - good luck! it will be fine.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.