to be angry at my sister for telling me about her affair?

[SheWillBeLoved]

Bit of a back story - sister has been with her husband for 17 years. Her best friend died some 15 years ago, and before dying asked her to promise that she would always be there for her kids (who she is Godmother to). She also left behind her husband as well as her kids, and as my sister promised to look after them, she was often round at their house to babysit/see how they were. Sisters husband got insanely jealous, and asked her to choose her friends kids, or him. She chose him.

Fast forward 15 years, and she has gotten back in touch with her God daughters via the dreaded FB, who are now older and have their own kids, and has been sneaking around to their houses whilst her husband is at work to have a cup of tea, sometimes going to their Dads when they are there too as he lives a few streets away from her now.

On a night out on Saturday, she blurted out that she was shagging their Dad, and was often at his when she told us she was going to visit one of the god daughters. She said that it was just sex, and that they laughed about what his late wife would say if she were here. I felt sick to my stomach. Her husband (my daughters Godfather) isn't a bad man, he works hard so that she can stay home sneaking around all day (as she says he is very possessive to the point of she gets changed into her PJ's before he is home from work so that he doesn't think she has been out and bombard her with questions etc if she does go out, she is always texting me to say 'I have told H that I am with you but I am in God daughter A's, don't let him see you!)

God this is fucking long, so sorry. I just need to get it off my chest. I'm so angry at her for putting me in the position of knowing. So angry that she has dragged me and our other sisters into her web of lies by lying to us and making out she was just visiting her God daughters who her jealous husband wouldn't let her see. So angry that she got into a taxi and went to his at the end of our night out after me telling her that it will end in tears.

I know she's a grown woman and can make her own choices, but god she is a stupid fucking twat at times.

Fine then yes she should have left him no disagreement there. She should leave him now as well if she has even the smallest bit of respect or even any hint of positive feelings for him rather than sitting back and allowing him to work hard while she goes off and cracks jokes with the guy she's fucking behind his back.
Just pointing out that the people saying "he sounds controlling etc." because he is constantly ringing her and questioning her when she goes out etc. are ignoring the salient point, he is bang on the money. She is lying to him and sneaking around to fuck someone else and trying to justify it to herself.
It's like threads when someone posts "I know I shouldn't have looked through DH's phone but I've now found evidence of an affair."
the people arguing that the wife was in the wrong for invading his privacy will tend to get shouted down by the thse arguing that she was right to follow her instintcs as she has now been vindicated. This is the same, he's being painted as controlling when the reality is his actions are being vindicated as his paranoia is justified. He's right to be questioning her constantly as she is lying to him constantly.
try to convince your sister to do the guy a favour and leave him.

yes - MQ- the DH issued an ultimatum based on jealousy in the first place - turns out he was right! He is jealous and suspicious of what she is doing - because she IS having an affair!

Fine, maybe she should have left him 15 years ago, but she didn't. And the fact that she doesn't really want to be married to him doesn't justify fucking around with the father of the children you promised to look after (and then didn't).

But then- he married a cheater!

Is he being controlling and asking questions because he feels he cant trust her? Did she ever mention that before the affair? or is she just trying to get you on side. I wouldnt have anything to do with it. And tell her if I run in to your DH I will not lie.

Maybe the comment about what the friend would have thought is being taken out of context. This could be a very affectionate thing to be saying. They clearly both loved her.

I think if you ignore how she got together with her DH then it could be seen as her having an emotional need to be with her best friend's widower. I doubt if it is just sex TBH. Her DH probably increased that longing by saying she couldn't see him or his DDs-Forbidden fruit and all that!

However, it's not his fault that his wife is having an affair. He sounds more insecure than controlling to me.

It's a mess all round but I wouldn't be surprised if she actually leaves her DH for this man at some point. You have the absolute right to ask not to be her alibi though especially if you are close to your BIL.

Just read thread all my questions were answered

I agree with Chippingin - the only people I give a shit about here (apart from you, because you have been put in a very awkward position) are those girls, whose mum's 'best friend' has let them down horribly. Twice.