to think that at nearly 11, ds should be able to entertain himself for an hour or 2 ??

[Clumsymum]

I am a work-at-home mother. I am trying to juggle work and childcare but it's driving me mad.

DS (an only one) isn't co-operating at all. I am trying to give him some time, then ask him to occupy himself for a while so I can do some work, then We'll do something together again for a while.

But he won't even try to occupy himself. He just whines that he's bored, and rejects any suggestions I make with "I don't want to do that" or "that's bob" (apparently a euphemism for cr*p). I've suggested playing with his lego, cleaning out the car for me (for money), writing invites for his birthday outing ......

His playing-out mates are all busy today it seems, and the 6 tons of lego/meccano/other stuff in his cupboards are apparently useless.

Of course, he would happily spend 95 hours a day in front of a screen (PC/TV/Wii), but we limit that to 2 hrs a day, otherwise he becomes even more impossible.

just ignore and ds will soon find something to do whether cleaning his room or kicking football about/reading book etc

at 11 should easily be able to entertain himself for a few hours

My friends DD is similar. But she is a whiney, snotty little brat who just wants to hang around the adults while they try and have a 15 minute catch up.

I always use the clean up your room approach when my DS is being painful, it works wonders.

You're not BU, but if he hasn't learnt how to amuse himself, he might just not have a clue what to do and will be bored.

What are his interests? Can you use them to set him fun 'projects' that will make him think for himself and find things out for himself? I used to be pony-mad when I was a kid and would spend hours amusing myself by drawing ponies, writing about them, finding out about different breeds etc. I was a bit of a swot so this didn't seem remotely 'schooly' to me, but it obviously wouldn't suit everyone. However, does have other interests that could trigger him into related activities? If he likes football, what about making some kind of scrapbook of his favourite team etc.

He should be able to amuse himself, but if it's not been part of his childhood (not saying it hasn't, obviously I don't know!) then he might not have the skills to self-start this kind of thing on his own. Perhaps you could use some of your together time to get started on something - getting books from the library or printing stuff off the internet, and then he can do some of it on his own.

Or what about learning something new in his own time? Again he will need help to get started but perhaps he might want to learn how to draw cartoons, or whatever.

And maybe you can set him challenges with the lego/meccano - so instead of just aimless 'playing', you could challenge him to build a bridge that will hold the weight of a tin of beans etc. It will get him thinking and might spark an interest in engineering etc. that would give him more to do again in his spare time.

I might be completely off the mark here, but these are just based on some ideas from my own experience!

D

BTW I have just realised that you have probably suggested all those kinds of things and he has said they are 'bob', in which case I would be reminding him that there are no boring things or days, only boring people, and that interesting fun people can always find ways to amuse themselves.

Or perhaps that would be totally screwing him up , what do I know!

D

Can't you invite a school 'haven't seen for a few weeks' friend over and let them get on with it?

Daren't say the word on mumsnet so i'll whisper playdate

DD does this sometimes. I threaten to throw away all of her toys if they are so boring. She soon finds something to play with!

I would totally ignore him and get on with what you're doing.
Suggest he could do a few chores....he'll soon find something to do.

I'm afraid that at that age I would just say "that's your problem, not mine", and firmly shut the door of the room I was working in!

I find mine say it when there's something they really want to do, but know it's banned - like another half hour on the computer. I find out what it is, then say there's no way they'll be doing that, no matter how annoying they are!

Alternatively, if that isn't the case, I welcome them with open arms, and say I really want to sort out their rooms with them. Can they stay with me please, and we'll do that together. They usually rush off at top speed and keep out of my way!

Alternatively, Bramshott's advice is good .

Hi all,

Delia, you are right that in the early days he didn't learn to occupy himself, because when he was 3 I had a hip replacement operation that went all wrong, and spent the next 18 months or so bed/wheelchair bound. So I had lots of time to read/draw/do jigsaws/puzzles etc with him, and folk who 'helped out' to take him to the park etc (plus Daddy giving him as much time as possible to make-up for mummy's problems).

I try very hard to start him off on things. We go to the library once or twice a week, so he has lots of books, and I try to help him choose those that have projects in. I must say, he will sit and read sometimes.

He loves food, and last week did do some baking (with me listening for potential probs), but this week baking has become Bob.

I did suggest he went thru all the lego boxes to find the pieces to rebuild the fire station (which got broken up for something else). Guess what ? that idea is bob (possibly just because there is sooooo much lego).

I just want to try to get a couple of hours work done, in slots of at least 30 mins which are uninterrupted. And I want him to develop the skill of passing his time by himself.

I have childcare for Tuesdays & Thursdays, and DH and I are trying to make sure every Wednesday in the school hols is spent with DS.

I am trying to ignore him, but it's hard, and leaves me feeling very guilty when he eventually flounces off...

my nearly 11 yo ds loves trawling through youtube - stick man animations
does he like that kind of thing?

Kayah,

He's used up his screentime for today.

He's just gone off to do sonmething, so I'm going to work for a while. Back later.

"I find mine say it when there's something they really want to do, but know it's banned - like another half hour on the computer. I find out what it is, then say there's no way they'll be doing that, no matter how annoying they are! "

Agree entirely. He is being a bit awkward becos I've re-imposed the 2 hour limit on screen-time. I had let it slip a bit, but he was a very cheeky awkward little s*d by the end of last week.

I have an only DS as well although mine is 9. He is pretty good but only because tbh I don't limit screen time. Mine tends to go from trampoline to Playstation to TV to Football to Computer. Unless completely into a particular Playstation game and wanting to get through levels etc I find he really only spends about half an hour at each activity. But he rotates around them.

I know he would be a nightmare if screen time was limited as it is currently banned this afternoon as he didn't eat the lunch he asked for!

How about doing a deal with him? Tell him that if he reads a book for half an hour he can have half an hour on whatever screen he wants. That gives you an hour.

Is there any way you would consider relaxing the "screen-time" rule? It seems like it's only for Mondays and Fridays (correct me if I'm wrong) so would it be so bad if you used that as a negotiation point for just two days a week? I don't see harm in that tbh. It's not as if you'd be parking him in front of the TV and leaving him there from morning to evening.

Your DS sounds pretty similar to my DS (also only child, also 11). We also limit screentime, and occasionally withdraw it completely as a sanction. He does have a bit more on weekends/holidays though.

I fear I am rather heartless with him. When he complains he is bored I tell him "Good. That'll make you find something to do." I do actually regard boredom as a good thing, it gives you time to think. If you're never bored, your life is too busy IMO!

In all fairness, he's got better recently, either because he knows he'll get nowhere with me or he's learned to cope with boredom. Don't care know which. He either draws or reads. Rober Muchamore's 'Cherub' books or James Pterson's 'Maximum Ride' go down pretty well.

Just tell him boredom is character building and shut the door.

TheCubHasAHarshMommaTiggaxx

If he thinks you will come and rescue him and provide entertainment then he will keep returning.
I would tell him when you are working and for how long and say it is his responsibility to entertain himself. Any interruptions will mean a loss of allowance.
At 11 he should be learning some independence so if he can't think of something to do give him a list of chores. Mine are always suddenly well occupied when presented with a list of chores

Can he set up a camp in the garden perhaps and then devise a garden safari where he has to see how many differnt bugs,beasts and birds he can spot.get him to photograph them,make a file/notebook,draw,describe them.then you leave a picnic preferably wrapped up[I used to use a clean tea towel]and he can take it into the garden along with a new comic/magazine to relax after the morning's efforts.My ds loved this-using chairs/old sheets/rugs for tent.

Hi all, a quick browse here before I get on with work.

Thanks for all your suggestions. Pranma, I'll try yours on Friday, if it isn't raining.

I am very loathe to allow any more screen-time. If the more time he gets the more he wants, and the more argumentative he becomes. So it makes the problem worse, not better. Oh well, my part-time 'nanny' (not really that posh, more 'mother's help' really) is here today, so she will help keep him entertained.

WhereYouLeftIt thanks for letting me know we're not the only ones.