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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick of being apparently responsible for knowing the whereabouts...

59 replies

Treetrunkthighs · 15/08/2010 21:16

...of any single item at any given time, be it at home, in the car, at work, on holiday, asleep, unconscious, whatever.

Nobody fucking looks. They all ask me.

And I'm sick of it.

Aibu?

OP posts:
piprabbit · 15/08/2010 22:39

I was thinking about starting this very thread today - but you've beaten me to it.

DH lost his wallet on Thursday. Searched the house while muttering darkly as though he thought I was sitting on the blasted thing.

I suggested he look on the dashboard in my car - knowing full well that's where he puts it when driving.

DH went to look - absolutely no sign of wallet in car at all.

I went to look, and could see it sitting on my dashboard before I'd even stepped out of the front door.

Gahhhhhh! I think it's a conspiracy to stop me putting my feet up for 2 seconds together.

androbbob · 15/08/2010 22:43

diddl - had a very similar convo with DD earlier over her shoes - along the lines of well if you put your shoes away in the place they go then when you next need them you would know where they are! They are usually found in the place where she had taken them off - which could be anywhere.

DS is no better and DH often asks where X is. It is surprising that he can always find his football season ticket. Hmm

clam · 15/08/2010 22:47

Hurrah! It's not just in our house.

We've just been on holiday.

Me: DH, can you get the kids organised for the beach?
DH: Kids, get organised for the beach.
Me: Are they suncreamed? Do they have their swimtops? Where are their towels? Hats? Sunglasses?
DH: Well, I told them to get ready. Must I do everything?

bran · 15/08/2010 22:47

I do that too Seabright. When the DC can't find something I say "have you man-looked or woman-looked". Grin

On the whole I try not to engage, especially when DH is looking for something, but even so the whole family generally try asking me before they try looking themselves.

clam · 15/08/2010 22:50

I also try not to engage, bran, but then I get "well, you could at least help"

dilemma456 · 15/08/2010 22:50

yanbu

DP where are DD's socks
me In the top left hand drawer in her room
Dp Where are her knickers?
Me same drawer as the socks

(I wouldn't mind but they've been in the same place for nearly 5 years and I'm still being asked)

JaynieB · 15/08/2010 22:51

YANBU
Yet, I bet you do know where most of this stuff is....

Vallhala · 15/08/2010 22:57

Yes, yes, that's all very well, Tree, but can you please tell me where my glasses are? :o

Seriously, I sympathise. DD1 (15) has an absolute talent for not finding things.

QQ1: "Muuummmmm! Where are my black River Island jeans?"

Me@ "In your wardrobe."

DD1 opens wardrobe door 2 inches for a nonosecond, slams it shu, comes stomping down the stairs.

DD1: "MUUUUUUUMMMMMMM! I can't FIIIIND them! You've lost them! Little Sister has stolen them, I bet she has, she always does, and I bet you haven't washed them, and you;ve got them, and....!

Vallhala goes to DD1s wardrobe, opens doors fully, actually looks inside and produces one clean, unstolen by DD2, black pair of River Island jeans.

EVERY flaming time! :o

mamas12 · 15/08/2010 23:01

Do not engage with this kind of behaviour!
Honestly You will lose years of your life.
Just say 'I dunno' and stay unconcerned.
The key bit is to be unconcerned, it's not your problem that they can't find it, it's theirs okay.
Let them get on with it.

After a few days of this they will go back and look again and find it.

I only really look for the important (note my kind of important) things if it's going to inconvenience me that it's not found. i.e. just about to leave the house in a hurry.

My life is so much better doing this, they even leave the house not having found what they want but it's ok they haven't minded.

babalon · 15/08/2010 23:01

this years holiday = dd`13 ds1 11 and dh 40 i said 'we are going on holiday pack your suit case'

me and ds2 (4) i packed for.

dh = where are the beach towels?
me = did you or dd or ds1 pack beach towels?
dh dd ds1 = you didn't tell us too!
me = don't go to the beach then!

me and ds2 (4) went to beach
dh dd and ds1 didn't and went shopping for towels

this is how it will be in the babalo0n household from this year. they will learn fast!!!

mimmum · 15/08/2010 23:02

Yanbu, had argument with dh about this. Tried to explain that standing in one spot and scanning room with eyes was not really having a good look for something!

mamas12 · 15/08/2010 23:13

Hooray babalon!
Another likeminded time freed up person and two 'educated' fully rounded family members
It's great isn't it.

clam · 15/08/2010 23:13

DH lost his reading glasses and therefore didn't take them one weekend when we went away.
"Never mind," he says nonchalantly. "I'll share yours."
"And how's that going to work? Forget it." I reply, with remarkable restraint.
"How selfish is that! You won't share?"

dearprudence · 15/08/2010 23:15

YANBU. I get this ALL the time.

In our house, if you can't find something you are using your 'man-eyes'.

fruitstick · 15/08/2010 23:18

Me too. Dh is shocking. Things reached a head when he started having toddler type tantrums about not finding things. The more I helped to look, the more it somehow became my responsibility, then my fault that it was lost. I was always being accused of moving, chucking, hiding said object. I don't help anymore. I just sit and wait for it to finish.

It tends to revolve around unopened post that arrived 3 weeks ago and was left on kitchen worktop.

herethereandeverywhere · 15/08/2010 23:29

YANBU

Whenever I'm asked by DH for the whereabouts of something-or-other I now say: "did you have a proper look or a man look?"

God help him if I find it after he's said he's looked properly!!!

Eaglebird · 15/08/2010 23:36

DP once contacted me at work to ask if I knew, off the top of my head, what the correct tyre pressures were for his car Hmm

No dear, I'm too busy making an inventory of your sock drawer / memorising the contents of the cupboards / noting where your specs are (for when you can't find them) to read the owner's manual for YOUR car.
Gah.

Original poster
Treetrunkthighs · 15/08/2010 23:37

Ha ha! Seabright - I'll be using that along with adopting mamas12's attitude. Fantastic, but I might need some luck!!

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 15/08/2010 23:39

You know what I find funny, is when you are at soft-play, and a random child you have never seen before in your life comes up to you and asks if you have seen where Harry went.

You have to actively not go "I dont know who the fuck Harry is" and just say "sorry, sweetheart, maybe he went out there?"

SloanyPony · 15/08/2010 23:40

Its cute, when in doubt, ask a grown up and they will know.

Makes you feel dead important.

quaere · 15/08/2010 23:42

YABU it's your own fault. Presumably you generally do know where things are, otherwise they wouldn't ask you. Just say what Sheila Hancock used to say to John Thaw, which was apparently 'Imagine I'm dead. Where would you look?'

TitsalinaBumSquash · 15/08/2010 23:51

I get this all the time.

I also get DP every Monday morning asking me if i know where a clean work t-shirt is,
To which i always reply, 'i don't know DP did you wash one?'

'No, why didnt you do it, you know i would need one for today!'

i either reply with,

A. Im not your mother.
B. That big white thing in the Kitchen is a Washing machine....... use it'

I dont mind washing his work clothes but i will not hunt the house for them to wash them, i was h what is in the dirty washing pile, he knows this yet i garuntee he will wake up in the morning and ask me is i know where his uniform is.

MrsVictorUbogu · 16/08/2010 01:51

YANBU.

I get this all the time and it drives me to slamming doors Blush

(DS has a speech delay, so I have to translate for him)

DS: Mum, where's my toy/drink/jumper/stone/other random item?
Me: Where did you leave it?
DS: Can't remember.
Me: Have you looked under your bed/on the table/asked your sisters?
DS: Yes, still can't find it, will you look?
Me: I'm cooking dinner, can you ask daddy to help you look? DH, can you help DS look for his random item? I'm cooking.
DH: What are you looking for, DS?
DS: Random item.
DH: What is he looking for?
Me: Random item.
DH: Where did you leave it?
DS: Can't remember.
DH: Where did he leave it?
ME: He can't remember.
DH: Well I don't know where it is....
Me: Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

sapphireblue · 16/08/2010 07:29

In our house there is the common phenomena known as the man look.........also applies to children. They can never find anything, ever.

ProfYaffle · 16/08/2010 07:51

Oh this drives me insane. As well as expecting me to have some sort of internal radar that knows the precise location of any household object at any given moment, dh also treats me like his own private household Google:

"what will the weather be like next Tuesday?"
"when is QI repeated?"
"what time is it?"
"Is that restaurant open on a Monday?"

ffs! Look it up your fucking self! Angry

(Can you tell I've been up since 4am with the fucking cat?)