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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to steal a cat?

52 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 15/08/2010 10:50

My mum's birthday party last night, about 60 people there, house full, band, fireworks, etc etc

My nmother and I get on quite well, however she comes out with some cracking nasty comments, which, in time I have learnt to just ignore because there is no point.. any way, my DH and I have recently moved house, and we had 4 chickens, which we were going to rehome to MIL - as she already has some, but my mum put up such a fuss that she'd like to have them untill we got settled and were able to move the hens too in a few weeks time when we get our garden fenced etc.

So, mum had them... 2 weeks ago on the understanding that she'd look after them. She was pretty adament with DH and I that she was having them.

My mum has a dog. Last night I went to lock my hens away before the fire works to make sure they were safe in their house... and there was only 2... cue me asking mum where the other two were, and when she'd last seen them, i.e. the night before when she'd apprently locked them all away... she laughed at me and said ask your brother, so I asked him, he laughed and said ask the dog.

My mum hasnt been locking them away, they've not been roosting in their house, she's let them free range in the garden, so the dog ate 2 of my lovely hens, DD will be distraught - she's 3.

So... I burst into tears (im nearly 6 months PG)

my dad told me to leave it, as they were only chickens... neither of my parents then spoke to me for rest of night and didnt say good bye when we were saying good byes to everyone else at 11pm

when we left the party, I took my cat that was mine as a child... bought her home to my house, she slept on my bed and hasnt stopped purring, she's loving it :)

but I do feel a bt guilty, so was I being unreasonable to liberate the cat?

Shes 10 years old, was mine when I lived at home - my mum doesnt worm / de flea her, I take her for a her injections....

OP posts:

sarah293 · 15/08/2010 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/08/2010 11:13

fat cat sounds great!

Marjee · 15/08/2010 11:18

Yanbu, the cat will obviously be much better looked after with you!

claw3 · 15/08/2010 11:25

You say your mum has never looked after the cat and its 10 years old. Why has it taken you so long to 'rescue' the cat? Sounds like you have taken the cat to spite your mum?

Also if she has never looked after any of her animals, why did you ask her to look after your chickens?

sanielle · 15/08/2010 11:33

YANBU!

A new member of the CaCLF (Cat and chicken Liberation Front!)

ChippingIn · 15/08/2010 11:43

Your Mum sounds really horrible :(

I am sorry about the chickens - I would have been really, really upset too (and I'm not pregnant!!). I hope DH's gets to the other 2 soon and takes them to his Mums :(

I'm glad you've liberated the cat - if she doesn't like it, tell her you didn't want to have to ask the dog where she was!

Ginger - Why do you think your brother would go mad?? I'd take the dog to the vets, register it all to your house (including the chip) and not tell him. If he's that irresponsible he shouldn't be breeding from her and if he's not breeding from her then then she should be spayed. Chipped and vax without question :)

AgentZigzag · 15/08/2010 11:58

Claw, 'fat cat' () might have been with her mum for 10 years, but perhaps just surviving.

When I got my first cat she was living with about 20 other cats at a house and was always hungry, had ear mites and other things, and couldn't get her head round the fact that she had food and love on tap.

Just because some people have animals doesn't mean they always meet the needs of those animals.

Although saying that, I agree that if you know your mum is like that OP, you should have taken your cat before now and not left the chickens with her, however much she went on at you to have them.

From what you've said about her she does sound a bit cold, perhaps a little distance from her at the min would keep your stress levels down?

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/08/2010 12:03

Poor you, and poor chickens. YADNBU. My family put up with the fact the animals' welfare comes before everything!

claw3 · 15/08/2010 12:07

Agent, just found it a bit odd 'my cruel to animals mother has let her dog kill 2 of my beloved chicken and laughed about it........so i stole the fat cat'!

'Fat cat' a strange name for an animal who is never fed or de-wormed!

Tiggamog · 15/08/2010 12:09

God, sounds like you've had a horrible time.

Well done for taking the cat, I'd have done the same. Hope you're chickens are safe now in MIL's garden, she sounds like a much nicer person than your own mother.

BrightLightBrightLight · 15/08/2010 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 15/08/2010 12:44

Could just be all fluff claw?

The mum doesn't sound cruel in the top end sense of the word, just a bit neglectful or inconsistant of the cats needs.

Like you say, if she was really cruel the cat wouldn't have survived so far.

Is it possible for you to keep the cat now OP? She sounds so happy to be with you, but I know it's not always possible to have a cat long term in some places, like if there's a main road outside your house.

LucyLouLou · 15/08/2010 12:58

Oh you poor thing and those poor chickens. YANBU IMO, I would also be devastated and probably would've done exactly what you have. Are you able to house your cat permanently? Seems like you can offer a better home. I hope your DP manages to get the chickens okay today, please let us know how it goes :).

claw3 · 15/08/2010 13:02

Agent, im not convinced that the cat was taken out of concern for its welfare. I get the impression cat was taken out of spite.

Cat has been neglected for 10 years according to OP, yet she only took it when her mother made nasty comments to her on this particular night. Cat's name is Tiger, but its nickname is 'fat cat', it doesnt sound neglected.

Dont get me wrong, the Op's mother does sound like she was very uncaring towards her dd, just not sure if this is a good reason to take a cat.

Perhaps op would have been better off taking the dog, so it couldnt kill the other 2 chickens while they are waiting to be rehomed!

Lavitabellissima · 15/08/2010 13:06

OWO yanbu.

Keep the cat if she's yours, but have a word with your mum and tell her how upset you are about the chickens and how little she cares about your feelings (& hormones). I would be furious if my mums dog had ate my chickens

AgentZigzag · 15/08/2010 13:15

Yeah, I can see what you're saying now claw, and agree.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/08/2010 15:46

I have to admit that was my initial impression..but the OP denied it!

CocoPopsAddict · 15/08/2010 16:26

YANBU. The cat is clearly happier being with you. Anyway, you are not really 'stealing' if also your childhood cat.

I disagree with some other posters here - if you keep an animal as a pet, you should bother to treat fleas, worms, and to feed it properly. It's what any living creature deserves. You wouldn't want to walk round with permanent headlice yourself! So yes, the animals at your mum's are being mistreated.

claw3 · 15/08/2010 17:04

Cocopops, would you let a cat that was running alive with fleas and worms cuddle up to you in bed and be around your 3 year old child?

The cat is also nicknamed 'fat cat' i dont know of any cats being fat, if they have untreated worms and are not fed, do you?

Would you leave 'your' cat with someone who neglected it for 10 years?

Perhaps ive got the wrong end of the stick here, but seems more like tit for tat.

nettlefairy · 16/08/2010 08:07

Sounds like you taking the cat was a primitive reaction to your mum and dad not respecting your emotional feelings towards the chickens. They didn't consider it a big deal that they got eaten and they weren't able to put themselves in your shoes or to understand that for you and your family it was a really big deal. The need to take the cat would be for two reasons - a need to show your parents what having something taken without regard for the owner's feeling feels like and, as you love your cat, a need to protect your cat from what you felt was a hostile environment. Perhaps in the cold light of day it seemed a little dramatic but whilst I'm not sure I think what you did was right (two wrongs don't make a right) I totally empathise with why you did it and I would probably do the same in the same situation!!

AllarmBells · 16/08/2010 08:24

I don't think you were "right" to take the cat, but understand why you did it. (Fantastic post nettlefairy btw)

You've also done your DD a favour by giving her something to take her mind off the loss of her pets. It doesn't matter whether it's a horse, chicken or stick insect FFS, it's a loved pet and for a close family member to not respect that, just boggles me.

I also don't agree with PPs that your mother wasn't cruel. She wasn't exactly cruel, more neglectful, to her animals - but she was definitely cruel to you. To insist on having your chickens when they had somewhere else to go, then they get killed and she laughs in your face....

People don't do that out of carelessness IMO, they do it out of deep-seated nastiness and hostility. I don't know if I'd ever speak to her again after that (of course I don't know the history and if she's usually OK or if this is one in a line of similar incidents).

Hope the cat settles in and your move goes well!!

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 16/08/2010 08:51

Just to settle this, the cat was front lined as soon as I got her home. I didnt say she was crawling / riddled, just said mum doesnt front line her / drontal her and Im the one that takes her to the vets for her jabs?

My 3yr old calls her fat cat, because since she's been here, she hasnt stopped eating...

I've just had a chat with my mum, told her that I had bought the cat home with me as I was concerned that no one had bothered to make sure she was safe on Saturday during the fire works, and as they (my parents) are going on holiday in Sept, it was actually doing her and my elderly Nan a favour, mums responce: hadnt noticed she was gone!

I agree that saying my mum was cruel was a bit harsh, she has looked after the animals, but as agentzigzag said, she was very inconsistant with their needs.

DP couldnt catch the chickens, Mum had let the last 2 out, the ones we had put back in their pen on Saturday night and they've gone fairly wild and wouldnt come when he was calling them. So, they are still at my mums and when DD is at her friend's later, Im going to try and catch them.

Tiger is very happy, although during the night, kept trying to climb on my chest to sleep!

OP posts:

Heracles · 16/08/2010 09:24

Bloody hell, your family sound divine.

"Ho ho! The dog ate YOUR chickens..." I'd have gone mental.

BlankFrank · 16/08/2010 17:47

Your mum's behaviour is deeply unpleasant. Well done for taking the cat and fingers crossed for your chickens.

HonestyBox · 16/08/2010 17:54

Yab slightly unreasonable to just take the cat but I think you should keep it since you are more able to look after its welfare.

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