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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider leaving DD1 home alone?

56 replies

macdoodle · 14/08/2010 16:18

She is almost 9, very sensible and grown up. My childcare for tuesday has fallen through last minute. I have asked everyone I can think off with no luck.

Options are, she comes to work with me - I work from 8:30am to 6pm. She would have to stay in the common room, with her DS/ipod/writing/books, I will be downstairs if she needs me, we may be able to pop out for a quick lunch. It is pretty boring and she isnt mad on the idea.

Option 2 is my childminder who will already be having DD2 (who is only 2 and half), she has no other older children and DD1 will be very bored Grin, oh and obviously I'll have to pay her.

DD1 has asked why she cant stay home alone, I have previously left her for short periods (the odd hour here or there). We live in a very safe close, in a rural/suburban area, she knows all the neighbours but our 2 closest friends wont be there because I have already asked them. I work less than 5 minutes away, but wouldnt be able to leave at the drop of a hat.

A compromise is I take her to work with me in the morning, bring her home at lunchtime, give her lunch and leave her from about 2 till I get home at 6pm??

Am not sure about this, though she is a very sensible grown up girl, thoughts??

OP posts:
BudaisintheZONE · 14/08/2010 16:42

I think your options are childminder or work with you. Even leaving her at home for a few hours would not be right. I have a just turned 9 year old DS and he was desperate to be left home alone and I have done it for 10 or 15 mins a couple of times. Each time he has ended up phoning me on my mobile to say it is very long! She may think she is grown up enough but maybe isn't just yet.

Having said that my best friend when I was growing up used to come home from school on the bus from age 7 and let herself into the house and make herself soup and be alone till 6pm. Every day! And she had to lay the table for dinner and her Mum ALWAYS brought home fish and chips. Monday to Friday every day. Can't remember what happened in school holidays!

ChippingIn · 14/08/2010 16:43

If you think she is sensible enough to be left home alone (and I presume you do, or you wouldn't be asking! :) ) then I would leave her at home for the morning and go home at lunchtime. Tell her you will be picking her up and she can choose work with you or the childminders... but when you get home if she seems happily occupied and settled, I'd let her stay home for the afternoon, if she seems bored or unsettled take her to work or the CM's.

I think 9 year olds vary so much (as do children of any age!) that people will only tell you from their own skewed perspective - only you know your DD.

If you do - read the riot act of course!! Right down to what she is and isn't allowed to make herself to eat/drink (the kitchen being the least safe area!!).

mjinhiding · 14/08/2010 16:44

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 16:45

Work it is then Grin Didnt think of laptop and movies, will do that, she also lkes to write stories on the laptop so that will help!
She votes work rather than CM, if she cant stay alone, think she relishes a day away from the terror that is DD2!!

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 16:45

mjin no problem, where do your staff have their breaks ??

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onimolap · 14/08/2010 16:45

Also, how far away is your work and can you get out promptly if something happened that worried her? How long has she ever been on her own in the house alone before? Have you run through emergency drills, and are you sure she understands them?

If she's used to shorter periods and you have confidence in her emergency responses, then perhaps afternoon only might work. My DD is only 6, and I based my earlier response on boys, so perhaps there's a maturity difference.

It's still something I wouldn't do, but you know your DD best.

mjinhiding · 14/08/2010 16:47

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Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 14/08/2010 16:52

I see you've made your decision.

I wouldn't leave my sensible 11 year old alone for that length of time. I've left him and his 9 yo brother alone for an hour or so, regularly, but a whole day is a step to far i think.

Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 17:08

She is terribly sensible and mature, knows all the emergency drills (started when we were alone and I was pregnant with DD2).

I work less than 5 minutes away, bit wouldnt be able to just leave if I had a patient with me.

I have left her for an hour on the odd occasion, and an hour and a half once, she was fine.

But as I was not totally comfortable and you lot confirm that, I will leave it this time.

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StormyWeather · 14/08/2010 17:16

Sorry to those who have pulled me up on my post. Didn't take time to properly digest the different posts before mine (thought I note at least one has since posted that it would be ok to leave 9 year old), but was just taking up on the OP's thought that it could possibly be ok.

The idea of DVDs etc is a good one - and Mum will be close at had should she be needed. macdoodle, are you a doctor?

Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 17:18

Yes I'm a GP :)

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autodidact · 14/08/2010 17:25

Too young. She'll have to be bored at work or the childminder. I think it's quite good for children to experience a bit of boredom every once in a while. If this came to the attention of the authorities I think you'd be in trouble, so please don't do it even if you know she's unusually sensible and would be happy and fine alone for 10 hours.

hairytriangle · 14/08/2010 17:30

No frigging way that's too young!

autodidact · 14/08/2010 17:32

Apologies- I see that 10 hours was never an option and you've already decided to take her in for the 4 hours anyway! Good decision.:)

Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 17:33

auto, I said quite clearly staying home by herself all day was not an option Hmm
The longest I was considering would be 4 hours.
I am pretty sure the "authorities" wouldn't give 2 hoots Hmm, I struggle to get them to see a child I consider in danger if they are not actually being physically beaten.
I have in fact already had contact with social services thanks to my abusive XH, and am sure they wouldnt be concerned about me leaving my 9 yr old at home.

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Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 17:34

ah x-post, there we are then!

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tribpot · 14/08/2010 17:42

macdoodle, I think you've made the right decision. Dd1 could help out by signing that day's repeat prescriptions, I'm convinced the receptionists do it at our place! (Kidding).

I once got told off for taking ds to my office (which he loves) on the grounds "he is not security cleared" (wtf, he was 3 - and PS, none of the rest of us are security cleared either).

StormyWeather · 14/08/2010 17:44

Actually, thinking about it, I'm quite astounded that you would even consider leaving her for as much as four hours.

tribpot · 14/08/2010 17:47

Okay StormyWeather but I don't think there's a need to labour the point now. macdoodle was asking Was She Being Unreasonable, therefore an answer of 'yes' is perfectly acceptable. Except on those great AIBU threads where the poster has no intention of accepting they might be! Which macdoodle hasn't done.

scurryfunge · 14/08/2010 17:49

macdoodle, has she any friends who could help out for half a day?

NarkyPuffin · 14/08/2010 17:49

Yes, because unattended 8 and 9 year olds explode after 4 hours. If you listen carefully you can hear them ticking Hmm

Numberfour · 14/08/2010 17:52

Take her to the childminders.

StormyWeather · 14/08/2010 17:54

Why thank you so much tribpot for telling me when to shut up. Your input is very much appreciated.

Will now go and sit in a corner having been well and truly told off for opening my mouth on a thread in a public forum.

Huge apologies to macdoodle for contributing.

tribpot · 14/08/2010 17:59

Apologies, StormyWeather - maybe it was just the order the posts came out in? macdoodle had already decided she was being unreasonable, but maybe your posts crossed.

Come and watch the volcano webcam with us - those of us who have been doing so all day in the Weather topic are feeling oddly soothed.

Original poster
macdoodle · 14/08/2010 18:35

oh dear am laughing now at you lot bickering Grin
I was perfectly prepared to be told IABU so thank you all for your input, including stormy Grin!

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