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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - arguement with my mother

5 replies

susia · 13/08/2010 23:49

Hi, I have just had a lovely holiday with my parents and 7 year old son.

But my parents are difficult to go away with because basically they need alot of care. My Dad has quite advanced dementia and my Mum is physically very frail. An example of this is I left them alone for about 15 minutes - in that time my Dad decided to wash his feet in the basin in our apartment and got his foot stuck. He fell down badly nearly breaking the basin and fell on my Mum hurting her hand quite badly. On the holiday he thought he'd lost his medication, his money, his credit cards etc - all found luckily...

Most of the time on the holiday though I was looking after the three of them, it was lovely.

But I had an argument with my Mum over leaving a 'moskill' burning all night in our flat. The flat was air conditioned meaning that the windows and doors all had to be kept shut all the time and I felt that the moskill was a fire hazard not to mention toxic in an enclosed environment. They slow burn for several hours giving off fumes but mostly I don't like something slowly burning away because of a potential fire especially with my son sleeping there. The row was because she told me she put it out each night before going to sleep and on the last night admitted that she'd lied and left it burning!

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susia · 13/08/2010 23:53

I just wondered if other people would be happy to sleep with one of these burning all night or not?

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Marjee · 13/08/2010 23:59

Yanbu I wouldn't sleep with something burning in the flat. Besides which if the doors or windows were closed mosquitos wouldn't be able to get in anyway so its pretty pointless anyway.

Sounds like it wasn't much of a holiday for you Sad

susia · 14/08/2010 00:03

Mosquites did somehow manage to get in I don't know how!

The holiday was good - my parents have been like this (the dementia and my mum being frail) for years and I go on holiday with them every year so am used to it.

But they always have accidents at home or away which are awful because of my mum's frailty and they are caused by my Dad doing something like falling on her or accidently knocking her and not noticing so yes it is hard work for me!

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KurriKurri · 14/08/2010 00:06

I wouldn't be happy with something burning all night (and my DH would go spare - his dad was a fireman, so he's a bit paranoid about such things having heard stories about how fires start!) Like Marjee I don't really see the need for it in a closed flat.

Maybe have a chat with your mum about the safety aspects when you're both a bit calmer after your argument. Sorry to hear about your Dad, my father has advanced alzheimers, so I know how difficult and worrying it can be when your parents are frail Sad

susia · 14/08/2010 00:16

I have had a chat with my Mum and she agreed that 'I had some strange paranoias' ! and didn't light it on the last night.

It is difficult with my parents as my Dad really has very little idea of what is going on and some quite dangerous things like wandering off and leaving doors open. Worst of all, he only showered/washed twice in the entire week (it was 32 degrees!) and thought that was fine!

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