Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my sister would stop smoking

27 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 18:39

My sister is 28 weeks pregnant (and very noticably so) and still smoking and drinking. She's in her 30's, is in a steady relationship, is well educated and has a good job. She and her DP were TTC so this wasn't an unplanned accident. Am I being unreasonable to think at her age she should bloody know better?

OP posts:
Wanttofly · 13/08/2010 18:42

YANBU

hairytriangle · 13/08/2010 18:45

YANBU. But there's nothing you can do about it.

SloanyPony · 13/08/2010 18:45

No, but its none of your business, so by all means vent or get back up here, but there is naff all you can do. And her baby will probably be fine.

LucyLouLou · 13/08/2010 18:46

YANBU but how much is she drinking and smoking?

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 18:49

She's smoking the same amount as she was before but has switched to roll-ups because they're 'healthier', and the odd one or two glasses of wine at least twice a week.

OP posts:
proudnsad · 13/08/2010 18:51

I'm shocked. That's really bad. I think it is kinda your business. That's your neice and nephew in that smoke chamber. I'd give her every leaflet under the sun and have one big concerted effort to make her see sense then, well, there's not much you can do.

proudnsad · 13/08/2010 18:55

The drinking doesn't sound overly harmful. I had about 2 glasses of wine a week. That's considered to be ok or was when I was pg. The smoking is worrying. As is her attitude to her pregnancy.

LucyLouLou · 13/08/2010 19:03

What is the same amount as before? The drinking doesn't sound too bad. Still not sure on the smoking though.

SouthMum · 13/08/2010 19:14

YANBU but you cant do anything about it.

Her being well educated with a good job and fella is irrelevant tho

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 19:22

Probably between 10 and 15 a day

OP posts:
Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 19:25

Southmum I just meant that she isn't stupid and irresponsible, I would have expected her to be more sensible

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 13/08/2010 19:28

Drinking that amount is hardly heavy.

YANBU to want her to stop smoking. But there's nothing you can do.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 19:33

But would you drink in the pub when noticably pregnant or just at home? Surely you must realise you're being judged by everyone.

OP posts:
sanielle · 13/08/2010 19:34

I got flamed for saying just that asouthwalmummy! prepare yourself. :)

winnybella · 13/08/2010 19:38

Well, I'm not sure I would be judged by everyone as there's quite a lot of people out there who do know that a moderate consumption of alcohol in pregnancy is fine.

Wouldn't care about those who are not aware of this.

winnybella · 13/08/2010 19:40

Well, at least that's how it is in Paris- plenty of pg women having a glass of wine with their dinner/ as a post work drink. Who cares?

Cookie79 · 13/08/2010 19:41

I wish my sister would stop smoking too - it killed our grandad. She did smoke whilst pregnant (though she did cut down hugely). I'm terrified of it killing her too. :(

What she does do is not smoke at all if she knows she will be looking after my daughter as she knows I feel strongly about it.

BeerTricksPotter · 13/08/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarineIguana · 13/08/2010 19:44

An amazing number of people do smoke in pregnancy though - I had no idea, I thought everyone would just give up, and when my old boss was smoking 5 a day while pg, I was deeply shocked. Over time I've realised it's pretty common. I gave up smoking long before having DC, but I suppose when you are pg you can feel pretty stressed and tired, and it must be one of the hardest times to give up.

So I wouldn't put any pressure on her - she'll just hate you for it. It's horrible to see but only she can make the decision.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 13/08/2010 19:44

I did but it was her decision. What about her poor unborn baby who doesn't have the luxury of a choice?

OP posts:
MarineIguana · 13/08/2010 19:47

Yes but babies don't have a choice about much do they. I totally agree she should stop and I would also wish her to stop, but you can't make her. YANBU at all, I just meant that pressure probably won't help.

Fluteyboots · 13/08/2010 19:48

Drinking doesn't sound too bad, I think people can be too judgemental about it......I didn't drink at all when pg, cos it made me feel sicky, but I did have some becks blue non-alcoholic at a wedding. Looks just like a regular bottle though, and I could hear the tufting. Wanted to write myself a sign.

Seeing pg women smoke makes me so sad, YANBU. Not just the damage they do now, but if they take that attitude now they are more likely to smoke in front of DC, leading to all sorts of possible nasties. Am a constantly struggling ex smoker myself, I know how very very hard it is, but I feel so sad for the little ones.

bleedingheart · 13/08/2010 19:59

YANBU

BeerTricksPotter · 13/08/2010 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cookie79 · 13/08/2010 19:59

Meant to say I did have the odd glass of vino here and there, but not much - just 1 of those tiny little bottles on a friday night.

I think the drinking thing is less bad, as long as it's not binge drinking.

YANBU about the smoking though, but as others have said there's not much you can do apart from care and vent on here. She'll know what she's doing deep down.

xx