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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that my MIL was Fucking Fantabulous ?

20 replies

PenelopeTitsDropped · 13/08/2010 16:34

My Mil was probably the nicest person I have ever met.
She gave birth to my DH (for a start).

Long story short; meet the Mother and then ascertain the level of respect/regard she is held within the family; and you can judge any by that mark.

So NO. My MIL was not awful dreadful or in any way horrid.

She did a bloody good job. I'm thankful that I married her Son.

She passed away in 2006; and there's not a day that I don't miss Her.

OP posts:
OutOutLetItAllOut · 13/08/2010 16:38

i never had the pleasure to meet my mil.
BUT she gave life to my husband, and for all his faults, he is a decent, good man. ( most the time) so i think she was great.
my gmil on the other hand is an evil old she witch.

Mowiol · 13/08/2010 16:38

What a lovely tribute to your mother-in-law! Smile

3Trees · 13/08/2010 16:42

That's LOVELY.

I dreamed of marrying into a family where my MiL would be a new Mum to me (I need one) but, while my MiL is nothing to complain over, she is frail, and she cannot travel much, and we are not allowed to visit there (FiL not so nice, thinks I am devil incarnate, has never met and refuses to meet ds - as at the time he was born he was given, due to LEGAL reasons - My maiden name)
she is also deaf, and unwilling to admit if she has not heard something.

So, she does the best she can, ds looks for ward to her visits, which is good.

I have no big complaint, but I would have LOVED a MiL I could be close to

Original poster
PenelopeTitsDropped · 13/08/2010 16:49

My MIl was without doubt the nicest person I have ever met... ever.

She was entirerly beautiful in every way; and she raised her sons (one of whom is my husband) in her way. I'll always be grateful to Her.

The Big problem with MIL's is that Women don't choose the right husbands.

Look to the MIL. Is she fulfilled in Her role as "Wife" ?

Very few are. As a result they produce inadequate sons that Women later marry.

OP posts:
WurzelBoot · 13/08/2010 16:53

"Look to the MIL. Is she fulfilled in Her role as "Wife" ?"

Alas mine has never married. I still like her though; we have our ups and downs like most relationships do, but she is a big-hearted and generous woman.

I'm glad she likes me though; she has a wicked tongue for her enemies.

Original poster
PenelopeTitsDropped · 13/08/2010 16:59

3 trees.

I loved my MIl so much.

She was such a kind inspirational Woman.

I don't understand why your Dh doesn't build the bridge, despite everything?

We married over a very big divide in our religions/cultures; just about as far as one could go (in my culture/religion).

So the Fil thinking you are the devil incarnate is a bit ....

OP posts:
3Trees · 13/08/2010 17:11

Dh is just not from a chatty family, and, I have to say that having met his sister and mum, this is true, they REALLY don't chat. So, I just respect that by visiting at all she is doing the very best that she can, given that his Dad feels the way he does, and I respect her for that. Also, as DH2B is older than I am, his parents are that much older too, so their gnerational issues are more pronounced.

His Dad, is sad really, I send, every month pictures of ds, and a little update, to the whole family (all three live together) so, he sees them, but he WILL NOT change his mind over the whole name thing. And there's nothing we can do about it, becasue a) we're all three getting a new surname when we get married in October and b) ALL hospitals give the child the mother's surname if it is different from the fathers, it's a legal issue. We have asked him to put his feelings about it aside for the sake of ds, who is now short one grandfather, but he can't.

BlueFergie · 13/08/2010 17:14

So if I don't get on with my MIL it is because I have married the wrong man Hmm.
I don't get on with my MIL because she is not a nice person and was not a good mother to my husband. Despite this her son is a wonderful man whom I love very much. I do not like the implication he is inadequate. He has his faults no doubt many of them caused by his mother but he is aware of them and works on them.

Tabliope · 13/08/2010 17:17

3Trees, hospitals do give the baby the mother's surname if different from the father's (they did with my DS at least) but you can still give the baby the father's surname when you register the birth.

Original poster
PenelopeTitsDropped · 13/08/2010 17:18

3 Trees; I'm sorry to see this.

Hope it all turns out well

xxx

OP posts:
Marjee · 13/08/2010 18:17

I started a similar thread recently! My mil is lovely, I'm probably closer to her than my own mum. I'm sorry your mil is no longer with you, I count my blessings everyday for mine!

onepieceoflollipop · 13/08/2010 18:22

Well said BlueFergie, I entirely agree. :)

Those of you with lovely mils, I am happy for you but it is not my fault (or dh's) that my mil is a deeply unhappy woman and spreads her unhappiness and negativity like a disease. Sad

Morloth · 13/08/2010 18:26

I love my MIL. She isn't exactly like another Mum to me but she is a very good friend.

She loves my babies like nothing else and that makes me very happy indeed.

Her children are my husband and my closest friend respectively so if she gives advice (only when asked for). I listen, because she clearly knew/knows what she is doing.

VelmaKelly · 13/08/2010 18:52

My MIL is a good woman, who loves her sons and her GC. She respects my various rules and requests, and doesn't fill up my DD's with lollies - her version of "treats" is a particular yoghurt my DD1 loves, and mandarins for DD2.

She is a kind, respectful, generous and loving person.

Chathappy · 13/08/2010 19:02

My mil is lovely too - what a refreshing thread from the usual mil bashing ones Smile

parkj83 · 13/08/2010 19:05

Nope YANBU :)

My MIL has Parkinson's disease, and I only wish I knew her before she became ill. She copes day to day, and worships DS, but isn't as active and able as she used to be

She's so lovely, and I have no problems in calling her Mum. It just fitted straight away.

3Trees · 13/08/2010 19:11

Tabliope - I know, but he didn't care, that it was on his ankle bands was enough. (In fact we gave ds MY surname, as it was going to be changed and we thought it would be nice if we ALL 3 changed our surname together at the wedding)

Tabliope · 13/08/2010 19:16

3Trees, oh well then your FIL being unreasonable. I know some men that generation can take it personally and want the name to be carried on so I hope he comes round (hope he comes to your wedding too).

pingviner · 13/08/2010 19:36

I have a lovely MIL
shes charming, sensitive, polite, and was wonderful around DSs birth, practially and emotionally, and is an enthusiastic and very helpful gran.
DS may someday have a partner/marriage/kids and I think I will base my behaviour on hers

but I dont call her mum. I have a lovely mum too

cfc · 13/08/2010 20:11

I love my MIL.

I hope one day I am half the MIL to my boy's partner as she's been to me.

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