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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit funny about pics of my child on Facebook?

34 replies

loopyloops · 13/08/2010 11:41

I HATE finding pictures of my DD on Facebook that I didn't know about. To be honest, I'm funny about people putting pics on there at all without permission, but I know I can't demand that, so I recently asked, as my status, for people to tag me or DH and ensure that settings are for friends only. I received many supportive comments to this.
Since then, more have been put on without my knowledge, so I commented on one, asking nicely if they would make sure that the above happens. Apparently I am overprotective and the "Loopyloops Police". What do you think? Am I being overprotective?

Also, I know that tagging me or DH gives people more information, so in a way is more dangerous, but I want to keep tabs on what pictures exist on there. I would never post pics of children without asking their parents first. What to do?

OP posts:
LucyLouLou · 13/08/2010 11:52

YANBU but I don't think there's much you can actually do about this. AFAIK, there's been no legal violation here, so if you were to approach Facebook you'd get the equivalent of a big fat fuck off.

As for whether you are being overprotective, no I dont think you are. You're not going as far as asking for the pictures to be removed, but still, people probably don't realise they are causing any harm, which to be fair, they probably aren't.

Reiterate your point, you would like to be tagged in photos of your DD. Make it clear you are not asking people to not post their pictures, just that you have some knowledge of what's going on.

Out of curiousity, are these family members that are posting the photos? And roughly what kind of content is in the photos? I would find (for example) a child in a gym leotard a bit more worrying than a snowsuit, and I'd be wanting those photos more under my control.

proudnsad · 13/08/2010 11:56

Me too, me too, me too Loopylooops!
Could not agree more.
I hate it on so many levels (paranoid levels, hating Facebook levels, hating others peering into my and dc's life levels - btw the way I don't post on FB at all, just email friends abroad).
It's not a good feeling, having no control over your child's image at all.

Miggsie · 13/08/2010 11:57

You are not being over protective. I wouldn't like it either, it's a privacy thing as far as I'm concerned.

I also hate this "I need to publish my life to the world" thing that Facebook facilitates. Why does anyone need to publish photos of themselves to the whole world?

I'm a very private person (hence I post on MN which is anonymous) and would not want pictures of me or my DD on facebook or anywhere else for that matter.

If the people posting those pictures are trying to make out you ahve a problem and don't respect your point of view I would ask why are you still friends with them? They obviously don't think you are worth listening to.

The worst thing is when pictures are posted and enough information is given to identify the child/persoon and their address. Amazing the number of people who give away a huge amount of information that way.

Original poster
loopyloops · 13/08/2010 11:58

Just normal pics, not baths or leotards. Family and friends have both made comments.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 13/08/2010 12:00

un-tag the photos. I think if you un-tag them then the person who originally tagged them can't re-tag.

sanielle · 13/08/2010 12:00

i don't think it is appropriate to post pics of anybody without their permission. Especially not children

Giddyup · 13/08/2010 12:03

YANBU Your child, your choice. I personally couldn't give monkeys about pics of DS but I know a lot of people on here think that's naive.

May I ask what your concerns are? I have read different POVs as to why people don't like it ranging from

  1. Child in care/hiding from abusive ex (totally understandable obv & something I would never have thought of). 2)parents feel its a breach of child's privacy and human rights.
  2. parents feel their child is so unbelievably attractive that an abuser will photoshop pics of them/track them down and abduct them.

I am interested as I would never have thought of any of these scenarios myself and find others reasoning fascinating

Original poster
loopyloops · 13/08/2010 12:03

But Dueling if they aren't tagged I can't keep tabs on them.

OP posts:
EvilDrPorkChop · 13/08/2010 12:03

Loopyloops, I agree. I use FB and have pictures of ds in an album on there. My profile is locked and everything is friends only. A very close friend of mine put some pics of ds as a toddler on her profile in a sort of general folder "Pics from 2003". I was horrified she didn't ask me first... but never had it out with her because she is lovely and would never mean to cause upset. I would never post pics of someone else's child without asking first.

proudnsad · 13/08/2010 12:04

Don't understand tags. Just don't post pix of me kids on t'interweb!!!!!

GeekOfTheWeek · 13/08/2010 12:06

YANBU

Pisses me right off.

If i wanted pics of myself and dcs all over facebook I would open a fucking account.

Original poster
loopyloops · 13/08/2010 12:06

Giddy - none of those reasons, I just don't like it.

OP posts:
LucyLouLou · 13/08/2010 12:15

Loopy - are you saying it's mainly a possession thing? More of a control issue than a genuine concern? This doesn't really change my perspect tbh, I still think YANBU, but if "I just don't like it" is the reason you are giving to people, this is possibly why they are not taking it seriously.

LucyLouLou · 13/08/2010 12:18

Oops, I mean perspective!

:)

Giddyup · 13/08/2010 12:29

fair enough, am genuinely interested. I also totally agree with not understanding the 'post the minutiae of ones life on facebook' posse either, but see it as a totally separate issue. My profile isn't littered with photos of DS (mainly because its bloody boring for other people). I also did not announce my pregnancy on my status for the entire world to see. This has perplexed people and they have been hurt they didn't know or thought we were maybe not altogether happy about baby or keeping it a secret-insane!

twoistwiceasfun · 13/08/2010 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanifanakapants · 13/08/2010 12:47

YANBU I'm not on facebook - and always feel slightly peeved when people tell me that they saw my picture on facebook when I had no idea that a picture had been posted. (someone I know is a facebook fanatic) People should ask your permission and then respect your wishes.
And why is it that people who object to their pictures being put on facebook are made to feel like complete wierdo's?

YellowDaffodil · 13/08/2010 12:51

I'm not on facebook and a friend was told by another friend that BILs girlfriend had pictures of my DD on there for a bunch of strangers to see.

I was not amused and made her take them down - apparently I am over protective. Maybe so but she's my DD and BILs girlfriend has no right to put her pictures on the Internet. I don't allow DD to wear clothes (football strip) etc. with her name on either.

I appreciate that people will say that no harm will come of it and that people are overprotective these days BUT I worked in the criminal justice system for many years and there really is no limit to the depravity of some people. There is also no limits to the length some individuals will go to get contact with someone who takes their fancy. These people are extremely rare but frankly why take the risk?

PawMum · 13/08/2010 12:52

I hate facebook

tuggy · 13/08/2010 13:48

YABU what do you honestly think is going to happen? Strangers see your child every day on the street why is it different to seeing their photo? very odd...

chabbychic · 13/08/2010 13:53

Agree with tuggy.

cookinmama · 13/08/2010 13:57

with tuggy too I am afraid, how many times has your child been in the background of someone elses photo etc. You can't possibly ensure that they are never seen by strangers.

BonniePrinceBilly · 13/08/2010 15:06

Do you also tell your friends and family to never put up photos in their homes, or show anyone the pics they took at a birthday party etc? Its not as if FB is the only place you have to endure see dull pictures of other peoples ugly children!

Miggsie · 13/08/2010 15:14

I think it is a question of personal preference.

Would you pin your personal details and pictures of yourself and children all over the lamp posts in your local town?
Would you want someone else to do this to pictures of your children?
This is facebook in miniature and is not the same as passing round pictures of your child at a social event where you know everyone.

There is a data protection act and children's protection act for a reason and I would not want pictures of my child downloaded randomly by anyone in the world and manipulated on photoshop or even kept in a stranger's PC file for ever.

I would always respect someone's preference's on a matter like this.
However, as I work in computer security and have to guard our systems against all sorts of strange people attempting to do strange and criminal things, it may have made me more cautious than most. I am adamant DD will not have a digital footprint for a very long time no matter what "everyone else" is doing.

I still say they should respect your wishes even if they think it's a bit bonkers.

yellowflowers · 13/08/2010 15:42

I can understand why you don;t want the pics there but I also think everyone is worried about peadophiles and you know, there aren't that many out there. I think it is very unlikely someone would see a pic of your child, think they looked like the kind they would like to abduct, and then track them down.