To put off moving out because of inconvinience?

[SickofEverything]

Partner and I have split (read previous posts) and its his house. So I need to find somewhere to live. I have found a 2 bedroomed house which has everything I need (fitted kitchen, a double bed, even a sofa) and its in the catchment area of the secondary school I want DS2 to go to as well as being easy for DS1 to get to (who has already got in).

But I'm umming and arring because of the inconvinience. My kids will have to share a bedroom which they'll hate (but I know there are families out there having to house 3/4 kids in 2 bedrooms etc). Its a long way to DS1s primary school and I'd have to cut my college course down to part time which will mean it takes an extra year to complete.

But I would be free and single again! aibu being put off by the few inconveniences that I have mentioned or are they big enough to warrent staying here until I find somewhere better?

Anyone?

There is no substitute in life for having your own front door. This 2-bed place may not be 'the one' but it's a stepping stone to your new life.

Depends on how your ex-partner feels about sharing his house with you. Are your kids his kids or from a previous relationship? Are you telling him that you've found somewhere else to live or are you planning on keeping it from him?

He said I can stay here until I find somewhere suitable but he'd rather it not take "years". He pretty much gave me until Next October so I could pass on this house and live here quite comfortably but I want my own place so much I'm so confused, I'm totally torn on what to do. It makes sense for me to wait, I know it does.

What do you think is the best thing for your kids? What's the atmosphere like at home?

Is DS1 going to the secondary school in September?

I know a couple who are split up but living together (and have been for eighteen months) quite happily, because circumstances dictate that it would be better for her to move out when her eldest DS has sat his GSCEs next year, rather than uproot him and plonk him in a new school. However, they get on better than most couples so are probably not the best example to use here!

Only you know what is best here, OP. I think that in your mind you know what it is that you want so you should have a frank discussion with your ex and work out some solutions that will make your situation workable until you do find somewhere else.

Yes DS starts the secondary school in september.

We do get on but the kids are not happy. There is obvious favouritsm with DP and his own child, different rules for his DC, she gets away with so much more and it creates a massive atmosphere.

The best thing for my kids short term would be to move I think. Long term, I wanted to get qualified before they were much older so I could provide them with a nice house, holidays, nice clothes etc but if the access course is cut down to part time, its longer that they'll have to wait for that. But then, its unlikely that I'll get into uni this year anyway so it wouldn't make much difference I suppose?

It does sound like the best thing to do would be to move - and maybe before ds1 starts school so he's not unsettled mid-term? (That may not be possible given it's mid-August, I appreciate!)

If you have to finish the access course and uni then you're a while off being able to get the job you need the qualifications for, I'm not sure that can be a factor in when you move. Even with a fair wind you're talking 4 years til you're qualified? DS1 will be virtually at the point where he wants go to on holiday with his mates by then (not quite, but you get what I mean).

Then you need to look at the long view, OP. If your course takes an extra year if you move house then a year isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. The house you've found now wouldn't be a permanent fixture, rather somewhere to get yourselves sorted and it has things going for it, as you mentioned.

Think of it this way; your children won't have their childhood for much longer. A year in their childhoods is worth more than a year in yours IYSWIM? A year of being unhappy, at their age, is a lot more than an extra year at college for you. I don't think I'm making sense, but what I'm saying,simply, is if one of your children is being made unhappy by the situation at home, then I would move out. I spent the years between ages 6 and 17 being unhappy because my stepdad made me feel like second-best to my half-brother. My mum always regrets not leaving sooner.

If there wasn't favouritism going on, I would be saying stay put where you are for convienience, but I think if there is a child suffering because of the current arrangement and you have a very real opportunity to make things better on that score, leaving would be better all round. And I totally understood what cupcakes said about a childhood year being longer than an adult one, and I very much agree.

If things aren't working in the your relationship, and the children are stressed and unhappy, then I think you should get on and move to this new house now. I think you're maybe just a bit nervous of actually taking that step, and finding reasons to leave things as they are, because it feels safer than making a change.

This sounds like a great time to make the move, with schools etc, and the house is close enough to what you want. The DC will cope with sharing a bedroom, specially if it means they get to move out of a situation which they are unhappy in.