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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish MIL would stop asking me if

15 replies

MaPrentice · 13/08/2010 09:22

I have "managed to get out to see anything at the theatre recently"!

This is the third time she's asked me and every time the answer is - no, the theatre starts at 7.30 and ds (3.1) goes to bed at 7. Babysitters aren't usually available much before 7 and finding one who ds is happy to have put him to bed is nigh-on impossible.

(Plus, I am lone parent. Theatres are expensive.)

why does she keep asking me this, as if because i live in London I can just pop up to the west end at a moment's notice to see plays and enjoy all that the capital has to offer in the way of culture and entertainment?!?

petty I know but makes me mad that she so obviously doesn't understand what being a lone parent is like in practice.

OP posts:
Odysseus · 13/08/2010 09:25

Is she just trying to make conversation? Is she a regular theatre-goer? Maybe it's all she has up her conversation sleeve?

sanielle · 13/08/2010 09:26

Is your DH passed away? just checking before I stick my foot in it is all. Because if he isn't.. I'd probbaly say "no, cause your son hasn't done enough to let me out of the house to go see a show. Are you offering?"

AMumInScotland · 13/08/2010 09:27

Maybe she means "I'd be happy to babysit for you if you'd like to go to the theatre"? but doesn't like to be direct?

Try saying "No, it's so tricky with babysitters. I don't suppose you'd be able to do it one evening?" and see if that's what she means (assuming you don't have problems with her looking after him)

Original poster
MaPrentice · 13/08/2010 09:31

yes sanielle he is sadly.

they don't live close enough to pop over to babysit (they do help out as much as they can though)

it is probably just crap and very repetitive small talk - nice to vent here rather than snap at her that no I bloody well haven't been to the theatre because lone parents have to be the one doing all the childcare all the time, and while I do get to go out I can't do so until ds is in bed as he is too little to cope with random strangers putting him to bed.... RAAAH.

feel better now. Smile

OP posts:
loopyloops · 13/08/2010 09:35

Do you even like the theatre? I hate it. Can't talk, can't smoke, and if it's rubbish you can't get up and leave without it being rude (apparently).

cupcakesandbunting · 13/08/2010 09:38

Just say this to her next time she asks; "I haven't, unfortunately. Theatre starts at seven and I can't find a babysitter willing to put DC to bed for me. I'd love to go to the theatre but just can't find the time!"

I bet you that you will find yourself with an offer of a babysitter. It sounds like she is angling for it, to me anyway. Could she stay overnight while you go to the theatre (or cinema/restaurant/live sex show/whatever it is you like to do?) :)

Original poster
MaPrentice · 13/08/2010 09:44

lol at live sex show ... can you imagine - MIL, I'd love to see this hot new live sex show but it starts at 7, can you babysit please?

to be fair, they do babysit, but that means they have to come and stay and it gets a bit intense. and then I go out and socialise with friends rather than sit in the dark and not speak.

it's just that she seems to think that it would be perfectly feasible for me to just hop on the bus up to the theatre any time I like, when in fact it is logistically impossible unless they or other gps are here. she seems to assume that I live a completely different life to the one I do.

OP posts:
WurzelBoot · 13/08/2010 09:45

"it is probably just crap and very repetitive small talk"

How well does she know you? My MIL had a similar habit early on (well, actually for most of the first 4 or 5 years) in that she'd tell me in intricate detail what was going on with her work. It used to irritate the hell out of me because we'd initially both worked there together and I loved it but had to leave due to moving house. I think what she thought was that I must miss it so want to hear about it, but I was hearing her for the most part slate a job and people that I would love to have/work with. Several years on and she's now talking about people I've never even met.

Fortunately, I found that by gently cutting her off and steering her to more interesting things I do want to talk about (and that she wants to talk about too), we get on pretty well now.

So perhaps when she does this, you could simply say "no, theatres still on hold at the moment. Oh but did you see X on television on whenever?" particularly if you did a) really enjoy it and b) there's the opportunity for her to watch it and give you something to talk about. Or "No, but I did manage to get out to see X with the kids" or "no, but I'm keeping my eye out for a child show to take DS out to see - let me know if you see anything suitable".

Irritating, but if you can, bite your tongue and remember that she's probably trying to find something to talk to you about, that's about 'you' and not about your husband or son. She might well mean it kindly and is just not very good at finding her way.

I'm sorry for your loss.

sanielle · 13/08/2010 09:46

MaPrentice I am so sorry for your loss and if I may have offended Blush.

Hope you can work something out so that you can pop out once in a while. Woudl a friend not be willing to help you on the odd occasion?

atswimtwolengths · 13/08/2010 13:21

I'd be tempted to start to cry and say, "You know I can't get out - why do you keep asking me!"

That should stop her!

MorrisZapp · 13/08/2010 13:26

Sounds like there was an incident, probably forgotten by you, in which your MIL got it imprinted on her brain that you are really into going to the theatre.

Like, one day as you walked past a theatre you looked vaguely interested in one of the posters or something.

Now, she says it all the time as she thinks it's what you really like. My gran still asks me about my swimming, and if I still enjoy Brookside.

I'd say, let it slide, It's hardly offensive, all you have to say is 'sadly not' or whatever.

FindingMyMojo · 13/08/2010 13:27

oh come on OP - surely you can manage it? You call yourself a Londoner - it's the only reason to live here. In fact if you're not attending the theatre (or avant gard dance darling) at least twice a month you really should migrate to Wales & hand over the space for a real luvvie to live in London Grin

Original poster
MaPrentice · 13/08/2010 15:45

lol at you all, thanks for cheering me up!

OP posts:
proudnsad · 13/08/2010 15:49

I'm a Londoner, I pop out to Les Mis or Mousetrap every lunchtime natch... Hmm at your irritating (but probably well meaning MIL.

Actually I can't think of anything worse than going to the cocking theatre at the end of a busy week at work. It's wine, cuddles from dc and sofa I want. I know, I'm a heathen.

benbenandme · 13/08/2010 17:21

Is it your birthday soon? I reckon she's planning on getting you tickets for a show and is trying to find out which one you'd like to see Wink

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