To expect CM not to call in sick during her first week ...

[Asana]

This is just a rant, so feel free to ignore it.

Some history about this - the CM is my neighbour and DS used to be looked after by her for 3 hours a day for a period of a few months last year even though I wasn't working. We ended the contract earlier this year with the view to starting it again once I start a full-time course in September.

This week is supposed to be DS's induction week (gradual increase of hours each day) before he starts full-time in September when I start my course. Today, he was going to be the only charge attending the CM's, so we arranged for it to be his first full day as we thought that him being the only child with her would be ideal.

CM sent me a text before 7am this morning (DS to go over to hers at 8am) to say she wasn't feeling well, but I could bring DS round and she would see how she felt as the day went on, but that she would most likely be able to work tomorrow.

I'm annoyed about this because:

1. I am of the view that if you are sick, you are sick, so call in sick properly. I had made plans for today to sort out a few things for my course, and there's now no way I can leave the house/go very far if she could call and ask me to pick DS up at any given time. It's just the way the text was phrased that annoyed me - it's putting the onus on me to decide whether or not she works, when that simply shouldn't be the case (emotional blackmail, as it were).

1. It's only just dawned on me that on a fair few number of occasions last year she used to either call in sick/ask me if I could keep him at home with because she had other appointments to attend to. On all these days, DS would have been the only child attending. I stupidly agreed to this every time she asked because I irrationally felt that she was doing me a favour by looking after my son - now the new-born haze has passed, I've realised that it's a business relationship which I pay for and expect to be able to rely on.

1. This year, we are having a mixture of childcare arrangements - DS will be at the childminder's most of the day and a family member who is going to be living with us for a year will pick him up and babysit him for 2 hours till I or DH get home from work. The family member will be studying from home and therefore will be "available" all day, and I just have a bad feeling that she will be "called upon" (as I have) to have DS on days where the CM would like to do other things/have a free day.

Yes, I know that in the future, there will be days where the CM or DS is sick and alternative arrangements have to be made. I also know that I may probably be reading a lot more into this than I should (what with being a blubbery emotional mess at the thought of returning to work and not spending every day with my DS). However, that does not make this any less annoying

Rant over! As you were ...

PS - I did eventually decide to keep DS home with me the entire day. Given how whiny he's been today (bored and teething) and the fact that the weather has been foul and I've not been able to take him out as I normally would, I'm slowly starting to regret that decision

My only suggestion is that you find alternative childcare arrangements ASAP. Not because of the sickness thing but because of how you are feeling towards her. Can you really leave him with somebody you feel resentment towards?

i think if there was not the history of illness that seems to suit her, i would say YABU.

i also agree that if there is festering resentment, it will make for a poor working relationship.

i would find an alternative

I agree with Rosie & Lulu.

However I'll also say that in the few weeks before I returned to work I was unexplicably angry with my employer and then the world in general - because my 8 months of blissful maternity leave was ending & I was forced back to work.

Once I got back to work I loved it & I felt fine & glad to be back. There is a process of letting go & adjusting - could it be that your CM is an 'easy target' for your internal turmoil of emotions?

I can see this turning problematc. I ha a childminder like this too, when I was working from home. Part of the problem was that she never understood what I did so thought it was fine to turn up late, or cancel as I was "just" at home anyway. She never realised I had carefully scheduled phone calls and deadlines to match childcare. It would have been fine I think if you have to leave at 8am each morning to go to an office and been out every day, but if you are doing a course, she may well believe you can take lots of time out.

Well I agree that if you are sick, you are sick, but perhaps she thought she was being helpful?

TBH, if you think she has taken advantage & will take advantage of the family member then you need to find someone else.

Is she good with yr DS ? Does he like going to her? IMO those are the most important aspects of this case.

FindingMyMojo, you hit the nail on the head. I will concede (after DS just had a 2 hour nap, during which I got some much needed sleep as well! ) that I am perhaps just very worried about my mat leave ending and just feel mad about it all.

DS does seem to like her and the initial two days he has spent there have gone well, bar tears when I dropped him off (from both of us!). I guess I just wanted to see how his first whole day at the CM would go and ended up building up so much anxiety yesterday evening and overnight, and the fact it didn't go ahead just made me feel even more nervous and tearful

I will concede that IAperhapsBU, but as a SAHM for 15 months only just returning to work, I reserve the right to be completely unreasonable till my course actually starts and everything turns out fine