To be FURIOUS with my boss & my colleaue

[HavingAnOffDAy]

I want a bit of perspective & worry I may be over reacting, but I'm furious!!

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and up until now haven't told anyone - work, family, friends etc.

I had a mc last year & this has made me cautious about this pregnancy (although I didn't really tell anyone with my DD until I was about the same stage).

I had to tell my director last week as he was thinking of changing my reporting lines. I explained that I wanted it to be confidential, that I have my scan on Friday, and will be telling people only once I know everything's OK (fingers crossed).

Yesterday I found out from a colleague that the director texted another colleague (who incidentally started rumours about me having an affair last year) over the weekend & told her the news.

She has then gone round mentioning it to all and sundry, in lord only know what context given her history, but hasn't said anything to me.

I exploded in rage at her yesterday but am still really angry with my director. If he's told her that, what other 'confidential' stuff gets discussed between them?

I have a meeting with HR later to takl about my maternity rights etc and wonder if I should mention this then, or just let it go?

TIA

YANBU. I would report to HR and let them deal with it.

I'd mention it, that's not on. They have no right to be sharing information which you have asked to be kept private.

I would mention it to HR. It is out of order for the director to pass this on as tittle tattle unless there was a sound work related reason for sharing that information about you.
Given that its now common knowledge without your permission I'd be pretty angry too in your shoes.

I think you should mention it, if only to protect others. Make sure you don't say anything about the rumours from last year, just be very calm and straightforward:

e.g. "I told (boss) in confidence and I'm rather concerned that my news has now reached everyone in the office. I'm unhappy the information was not treated confidentially and I'm bringing this up as I would not like anyone else to be in the same position as me."

That way, it's not "he said, she said" but rather seeking to protect colleagues in the future.

Oh I would definitely report them, that's seriously very wrong to give out confidential information when you expressly stated it was to be kept quiet. Not just that, but it's medical information, which makes it doubly sensitive for me. I would be raging too.

What happened when you had a go at the office gossip?

They all sound very immature if you ask me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I would complain to HR. This is totally unprofessional and incredibly insensitive towards you. I have in the past hauled someone who worked for me over the coals for doing the same to another team member

Would definitely bring it up with them - it's something that should be kept confidential for as long as you asked him to. It would be one thing if he said could he tell HR, which would be a reasonable thing - and sounds like you have told them.

But it's not even a work thing - and being able to announce a pregnancy is one of the good things about it. You may well have friends or even family at the same place of work - not fair that they hear your news as a bit of tittle tattle from somone that sounds like they have something against you if they have started other rumours about you.

I would go further - I would ask HR to formally caution director and rumour spreader against doing this again. Might also be worth telling HR that there is history with other woman.

I would also expect some sort of apology from both of them and an explanation from both as to why they did it when they knew it to be confidential, along with an assurance that it won't happen again.

Is there something going on between director and other colleague that means he is more like to gossip talk abou tthis sort of stuff with them than with other colleageus?

I'd report him but also challenge him on it. Ask him straight out why your confidential conversation is now public knowledge in the office, and what he plans to do about it to rectify teh situation (not that it can be). Make him realise he has been a total fuckwit!

argh i am so angry for you!!

I'm an MD with a staff of 40-ish. I hold many secrets my colleagues (friends) have confided in me including pregnancies, depression and marriage break ups. Would never do such a thing in a million years.

You are right to be so upset.

Yes complain to HR, it's the right channel.

(Congrats and fingers crossed)

YANBU - report your boss to HR. It's totally unacceptable for him to pass on private information about you to anyone.
Sounds as though your boss is an uncontrollable gossip - why else would he text another colleague over the weekend.
HR need to know

Thanks everyone. I'm just so hormonal at the moment I'm not sure what a 'normal' reaction is anymore!

LucyLouLou - I calmly asked her if she thought there may be any reasons behind my decision not to share my news yet. I then went on to explain them. Her reaction was that she didn't know about these. Exactly - cos my private life is just that!! I then asked her, calmly again, if she thought it was her right to discuss my personal life with other people.

Once she's answered 'no' & I'd told her I'm not here to be gossiped about the conversation was pretty much over. We were in the office kitchen so it was hard to be 'private' & I was too angry to be nice about it.

It made me feel better that she knew I knew, but the anger hasn't subsided overnight.

I won't mention the rumours last year but will definitely speak to our HR Rep about it later.

Addressing it with my director is pointless. He's a complete coward & will blatantly lie to my face about not telling her. He did this when I confronted him about an email he sent - even when I had the email in my hand!!!

Thanks!

You should complain about both BOSS & COLLEAGUE to HR. Totally out of order = both of them!