to want my son's 7th birthday recognised by SIL's?

[tesrocks]

SIl (aged 34 years) always has a party for herself, she gets lots of presents and thoroughly spoilt by all her family. We buy her present from me and DH (her brother) and our children. She hasn't come to DS's b'day tea (3 weeks ago) all said why or sent a present, card or phoned. I now want to boycott her birthday which is in October. Advise please - thank you.

Tbh, I would feel the same.

Sort of feel like I shoudl be advising you to take the moral high ground, but I just wouldn't bother with her birthday.

Wouldn't tell them I was boycotting it but would come up with an excuse to not make it.

Didn't even send a card? I wouldn't bother going either or getting a present. I'd just send a card and if she said anything about her party I'd tell her why I wasn't going.

When you say boycott her birthday, do you mean not send a card or present or not attend a party?

I might send a card, but that´s it as she´s an adult & we don´t tend to do presents/parties unless it´s a "milestone"

Equally though, I wouldn´t be bothered if an adult relative didn´t want to come to my child´s party/birthday tea.

Well, I wouldn't be offended if an adult didn't want to come to a childs birthday party. But, childish as it seems, if she didn't bother with a card or present for your DS, I wouldn't give a card or present to her for her birthday.

Do you think she forgot it was your DS birthday?

My SIL is the same. Never sends a card for either of my DDs, but I always send a card and present for my neice (her DD). I seriously think she is a horrible spoilt bitch. She even refused to help out on my wedding day, leaving me to rush around like a blu arsed fly making sandwiches and doing the flowers whilst she sat and painted her nails.

Anyway YANBU, they sound like they're cut from the same cloth. Make an excuse not to attend party and send a nasty cheap card.

Two sides here.

I'm an auntie to boys who show zero interest in any gift they are given (difficult age to buy for) and who don't look up when I enter the room or even sometimes when I speak straight to them - they are lovely lads but just not interested in relatives at this age. And also can't help noticing that I have to buy five cards/presents throughout the year (brother, SIL, three DC) but when my birthday rolls around I get one pressie from them all.

Of course one pressie from all is totally standard and I'd hardly expect more, but it is uneven. I give vastly more then they do.

Fair enough OP, I don't think YABU.

HOWEVER, once you decide to play "You did this, so I will/won't do that" games, life tends to get a little petty so I try not to get into making decisions on that basis.

Agree with mojo. Tit for tat non-present buying might look petty and cheldish.

Rise above it and be the better person.

Morris Zap makes some good points. But think SIL should have atleast sent/made a card. Can't expect more than that

in response to Morris here..

dh and I bought BIl's 2 boys and Sils 2 boys presents through out their childhood (they are now 24 and 22 plus 18 and 16) my oldest is 12 youngest 6 and birthday cards plus christmas presents arenot somethign they receive from their uncle and aunts very occationally will my sil send a birthday card but it is not consistant so one may get but the others not. so uneven works other ways too

dont begrudge my nephews the presents they have had from us they are good boys. However what comes around goes around

Tis better to give than to recieve

Thank you for all your responses. She was invited to his tea party at a nice venue about 15 minutes from where she lives. She didn't say yes or no to invite but didn't come. Defintely not forgotten as DH phoned to ask her just a couple of days before - she doesn't work so not like she isn't busy.

We haven't always got on brilliantly but surely she wouldn't think she would get her own back on me by not getting DS a present.......just remembered she didn't get DH a present either and his birthday was months ago!!

I think I will send her a card (no present) but not attend her birthday tea party.

Bloody families - its always a tad political and I do wonder if I have done something - I'm one of those saddos who thinks I must have done something wrong for her to be such a cow

YANBU but perhaps needs to be balanced against how she is on the whole. It may just be a genuine oversight on this occassion.Perhaps she has money worries?

MY SIL (in fact the whole of DHs family) never remember my DCs birthdays or even DHs 40th last year. In the almost 20 years I have been with DH I have never had so much as a card from any of them. I was so peeved off last year when DHs 40th closely followed by DDs 4th birthday got forgotten yet again that I stopped all cards/presents for them as of this year. I send the parents a card (they are too old/ill to organise a card from them to us anyway) and buy a present for the neice but the SIL can go stuff herself frankly. If she was otherwise good with the kids I wouldnt worry but she is generally crap. Shows little interest, never phones and rarely visits but was quick to point out the one time we forgot her 19 year old daughters birthday!Not sending her a card this year was petty but it made me feel a bit better.

I never, ever thought I would be one of those people to hold a grudge but when it comes to my kids it is so different.

Thankfully my DS had a brilliant birthday and hasn't noticed absence auntie (presense, gift, card.....).

I have two wonderful neices (one born B4 I had kids) and I wouldn't dream / imagine ever not getting them an amazing present or attending their birthdays.

Have spoke to DH again and he is having a quiet word with his mum to remind her (SIL) so she has the opportunity to make it up to DS - if she doesn't take it at least we know that she genuinely has no interest and can stop the charade.

I also would send a card, but no present. I'm not massively into adult presents, apart from special birthdays anyway.

My SIL usually get her mum, MIL, to buy my DS's present (and wrap and write the tag) - she went one step further this year and couldn't even manage to write the card (MIL's writing). DH told his mum to please stop buying gifts for DS on her behalf. I seem to manage to get presents and cards to all three of her children!