to be ticked off with Grandma about bedtimes

[PinkyMe]

Actually I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just cross anyway.
For the 1st 6 mths of my dds life, bedtimes were an absolute nightmare with DH and I having little to no sleep. I remmeber driving round at 2am just to get her to sleep.
We eventually, reluctantly, tried controlled crying and since then she's been fine.
REcently Grandma had to put her to bed as I was visiting DH in hospital. I was very clear about the importance of sticking to our routine, but no, she decided to ignore it all and rocked dd to sleep every night.
Now she's left I am having an awful time getting dd to go to sleep. Last night it took 3 hrs with her screaming blue murder everytime I left the room.
I appreciate Grandma being their for her son and me, but I'm so frustrated and cross that she couldn't just leave well alone.

yes - because my parents (before they suddenly decided that I was a bit of a shame on the family) knew that bedtime is the trickiest part of looking after other people's children. and that it made life a whole lot more easier if they stuck (roughly) to it. That a child that is used to going to bed in a certain way is going to go to sleep a hell of a lot easier doing what they're used to than doing something totally different.

My babysitters all know that they can do what they like with my children once I've gone out and before they put them to bed, watch DVD's with them, feed them rubbish, play silly games that drive me round the bend, even let them stay up later...

but when it comes to actually going to bed/sleep - they stick to it. As it makes it easier for my DC and for them.

Ah, well given your DD is 2yo, and wasn't crying, that is pretty self-indulgent of MIL.

Although I can also see Morloth's point.

But on balance, I think you are being much more reasonable than I first thought .

I do love all the cuddles and whatnot that I get with 17mo DS, and realise how much his GPs don't get that because of distance. So I can see why they would want to get extra cuddles.

Also, if your MIL's son was in hospital, she might have needed the extra comfort of cuddling DD because of feeling worried for him.

Hope your DH is on the mend and that DD has settled again for you now.

It's not about 'loving your child so much you can't let them cry'. Sleep deprivation is hard for everyone to deal with and that includes the child. I agree that not everyone can do it but it's incredibly judgemental to suggest that those who do don't love their children enough to want to cuddle them. When DD was at her worst, she wasn't getting enough sleep. Neither was DS who was just 4 (he'd needed absolute minimal sleep training and would sleep by himself pretty much as soon as I let him try). Both were hyperactive because of this, both got exceptionally emotional and confused, neither of their parents were able to deal with this because they were also sleep deprived. Add to this working full time and parents not having time to speak to each other from one day to the next because every minute that sleep was more important than anything else; to be honest it was a disaster waiting to happen.

I loved my daughter so much that I used controlled crying because the lack of sleep was slowly tearing the family apart and it felt more important to provide her with some stability and a decent amount of sleep. I'm very much 'every family should do what that family needs' and if you can get away without sleep training, then whoopie, that's good news. But if you can't, then it might actually be kinder to find a way to make it work for you.

But coming back to the original post; this happens to me too, but to be honest I pretty much expect it these days so I assume there will be a couple of days of resettling following a trip. At really problematic times I've refused to let the children go away for the night because the disruption in sleep routine will be harder to deal with than whatever the problem is. If everything else is going fine, then taking a couple of days to settle them back into a good routine at home isn't that hard any more.

I think that where you are at the moment, with a husband in hospital it's much more difficult to do this and it adds to the stress which is hard and on that level I don't think you're being unreasonable. The problem is that your MIL has a son in hospital and is probably reacting to that stress in her own way, and wanting the comfort that his child can provide, so she's not really being unreasonable either.

It's just one of life's hardnesses, and I'm really sorry that you're going through it at the moment.

You may as well blame your husband for going into the hospital and forcing you to ask MIL to mind the baby, or blame whatever/whoever caused your husband to develop this medical need now. Or blame yourself for becoming pregnant in the first place. What I'm saying is, life is full of such unpredictable hiccups! Just grit your teeth and get on with it.

WurzelBoot's post is an excellent one.